I thought about Jenna in the nights that passed. and when I closed my eyes I could see her face, her dead eyes staring at me. her face, frozen in that moment of hope and then terror, that brief in between when she realised that I couldn't save her. it wasn't impossible, it was I who failed. I was not the man she dreamed I was, the ideal she secretly clutched. that, that was her last thought. how cruel could life be to the innocent?
here I was, a coward. hiding out in this room, getting fucked more than the resident whore.
had she set me up? I couldn't know. perhaps she had. perhaps she had it in for me from the start. but what for? I was just a nobody. still am, if you'd exclude the wanted posters put up for me. the ones also torn off by thugs in search of the price on my head. I was a wanted man. the city was only so much space, and I was running out of time.
I was parked on the street across from Myers' office, thinking about the last thing she said to me.
but she wasn't like that. between her father's mob connections and habit of losing the men in her life, there was almost a desperate plea in her tone for me to come back. safe, at the very least. and if she was half right about Myers, she had just put me in a very dangerous situation.
--
she hands me an envelope over the desk.
I open it. of course.
I go through the folder, while she busies herself with lighting another cigarette. the air turns soft menthol.
it was all over the news. the daughter of a big time mobster and her new husband, killed in a cheap motel somewhere at the back of Vegas. it was extremely violent, even for what was suspected gang related violence.
she saved me the discomfort of asking difficult questions by starting, "I don't trust the cops to look into mob hits. but I have an idea of who might have called it, but I need you to be sure."
her hand was shaking, and her cigarette faltered as she exhaled. I held up the folder while looking through the police report. I don't know how she managed pictures like these of her own sister.
"what does your father think?" I close the folder and set it down on the desk. she avoids my eyes and continues to stare at it.
"I don't know. we haven't spoken in years- ever since I got married. and besides, I hear from the servants that it's broken him. there's no point in asking him."
"okay."
she puts out her cigarette. her composure is back, and she's gone cold again.