[menusuk]

no one likes me for my writing any more, and that's okay. I loved you, and you loved me. and we were beautiful. I still think that.

until it all came crashing down on us.

and I was pinned under it, for years. there was no search and rescue. only the debris disappearing into dust in time. when I could finally walk again without the weight of you bearing down on me.

perhaps you have forgotten about us, but I hope you didn't. I'd like to believe that.

[menusuk]

she loves me simply-- without question. as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, as if it couldn't have happened any other way.

it resonates inside me, as if a tuning fork struck. it makes my heart sing. I am the same. what insecurities buried inside my chest burned away, the darkness fleeing her very sun.

[menusuk]

"I have a meeting so I'll be outside." she picks up her laptop and heads out into the living room. she had asked me earlier about finishing my iced coffee and I said it's too big for me to drink it all right now. she had finished hers hours earlier. her second one awaits making.

"I'll be taking this." she deftly picks up my coffee after opening the room door. I smile and turn back to go to sleep.

[menusuk]

I pull her to me. somehow, it does not feel obligatory like the rest. I want to be as close to her as I can be. she stirs slightly, I stop. taking in the moment of peace the morning sun brings. I hear her breathing fall back into sleep. I kiss her on the forehead gently and put my arm around her. my heart whispers, I cannot wait for the rest of our lives.

[menusuk]

I have often longed for you in the hollowed nest of my heart, in which you have made a home. I await you come to roost again, for the times we are apart. I want for little else.

and every time you come, you bring a spare twig or a fresh leaf. home is each other, you said. I could live off the thought of you alone. that much sustenance you hold.

I never thought longing could be this pure. you are hope given flight. and happiness given shape.

[menusuk]

I require a chaise longue for my emotional wellbeing at the rate work stress is piling up. let me recline dramatically and bemoan my fate!

[menusuk]

I woke up and reached for you. inside, I knew something had changed. I reached for you with my entire being.

[menusuk]

I'd rather we be happy. because misery will make us feel better. I'd rather we be happy with each other and fully eating the fallout of being together.

[menusuk]

ugh, I'm so terribly besotted with her.

[evangelala-blog]

internet friends are kinda like illegally downloaded friends. you don’t get the physical copy but you still get all the great content

[eveningflares-deactivated201903]

#i’d illegally download you all

[leafpool2014-deactivated2020011]

reblog if you’d illegally download your followers

[alfamangle]

[menusuk]

so it's done then. had dinner with friends, talked it over. I regret leaving things the way I have but also... how do you tell someone you've loved for years that this is it, the last time. that for whatever reason you're just fundamentally mismatched. there's a lot more nuance to the situation but this is what it boils down to, essentially. though we tried and danced around each other for years, I just think we were never going to work out. perhaps we should have gone out like two ships passing in the night but here we are. with so much unspoken, so much pain to come from nothing. so much pain she's already enduring independent of me. long sigh. there's someone new, nothing serious. but it's much more fun, much more... hopeful. I didn't want to admit to it. but the new girl makes me happy. and I find myself singing love songs again. skipping a little here and there. there is joy and not baggage. no mistakes that are too late to fix. it feels terrible to feel this giggly. we've tried for years and never worked out. maybe I should have called it quits back then. in the long storied history I feel only my mistakes. and though I'll always love and care for her, I think we've caused each other enough pain. no, correction: I think I've hurt her enough.

[menusuk]

apparently it was from a memory. a fish in a glass jar that I brought everywhere with me. until we drowned, in the dream of course. and the rain hasn't stopped.

[weltenwellen]

Hua Xi, from "Night Drive Through My Own Life"

[menusuk]

playing house in a house of cards.

[menusuk]

my heart is a cigarette I can't put out.

[menusuk]

if I'm not kissing you, I'm missing you.

[menusuk]

is she mad at me?

[menusuk]

she's not! 🥳