Have any of you ever felt more dysphoric after encountering transmed rhetoric? A lot of transmed stuff shows up in nonbinary tags, and I recently read a post where a trans man claimed that seeing nondysphoric afab nb/transmasc people "flaunting" their chests in photos, videos, etc was "hurtful" to him. After that I started feeling much more depressed and self-conscious about my body in ways and places that I never have before. (part 1)
Up to this point, I really only felt dysphoria in regards to my internal reproductive organs. I hope to have some kind of hysterectomy in the future, but for now, my doctor is having me take low dose birth control and skip the placebo pills so that I can stop having a cycle. It definitely helps with that, but as a side effect, I’ve gotten a little bustier and hippier. I didn’t feel TOO bad about that until I saw that post, and now it’s hard for me to even look in the mirror. (part 2)
I’m hoping that these feelings will eventually pass. I know it would be wrong to bind or have top surgery just bc some guy thinks my personal experiences with my gender, body, and dysphoria are ~incorrectly trans~ or something. This has been on my mind for weeks though, and I think it would help me to know whether other nonbinary people have any similar experiences. Thank you. (part 3, end)
This is what transmed (and terf and any other transphobic) rhetoric is meant to do. It’s meant to stir up feelings and scare people and invalidate them and make them hate themselves and make them doubt themselves. This is exactly what they want. They want to either force you to conform to their self-hating, righteous gatekeeping propaganda or to force you back into the closet/to stay in the closet.
I know this isn’t your question, but I want to cover self-care in navigating these sort of situations so you can avoid this as best as possible in the future.
Block liberally, especially if you’re going to spend any time in the tags. I regularly search asexual, aromantic, and nonbinary on tumblr. My block list is huge. This is healthy. Not everyone is meant to face this rhetoric so they can deconstruct it for others to understand why it’s harmful. We’ve all got our strengths and weaknesses, and that’s what makes life work. It is a totally reasonable reaction to be upset and dysphoric and anxious and depressed regarding coming across transmed identity policing and shaming. It is not a good or healthy way to live being brought to such a negative when you come across this stuff.
Start teaching yourself to scan usernames before you read posts. A lot of transmeds identify themselves right in their usernames by straight up calling themselves truscum in their name. Transmed and terf/radfem communities have really allied in the recent past, so you may even catch usernames with rad or radical in their name. When you see these, block on site. If a name seems suspicious but you aren’t sure, you can also quickly check the profile of the person, as many of them have “transmed” listed in their description. Block before you’ve really even processed the post and skip right over it.
Also, blocking can seem like a useless task at first with so many bigoted blogs in the tags, but once you’ve blocked many of the popular ones, you really only have to watch out for the random new one that pops up, and the tags become much more manageable.
Make sure you have plenty of positive and affirming blogs on your dash. If you’re regularly coming across gatekeeping and cissexism but you’re not taking in regular positivity and validation, these comments can be harder to shake off. You tend to feel more isolated and so can spiral quicker and more easily. Having more positive and supportive and trans-friendly blogs regularly on your dash will help you take in these messages, remember you’re not alone, and work on self-love and self-acceptance. Transmeds may still hurt and impact you, but with a bigger community at you’re back, you may find it easier to brush this off and bounce back.
Avoid any temptation to seek out these blogs, whether to interact or just read to “just see” what they’re seeing and thinking. This can be a form of self-harm, and it will definitely make you spiral faster and more intensely. Block, block, block. Take a break from tumblr if you need. At least take a break from the tags if you need. If you’re subscribed to a tag, unsubscribe. Only go searching for the tag to read the posts when you’re feeling mentally up to it. It can be harder to deal with when you’re subscribed to these tags, as posts like this can randomly pop up on your dash without warning, making them more triggering and upsetting.
Practice healthy coping mechanisms. We’ve got some good stuff under our coping tag. I’ve heard so many trans folk say that learning and practicing CBT techniques has helped them immensely in dealing with dysphoria. Mindfulness, meditation (I prefer guided meditation to avoid dissociation), and breathing/grounding exercises can all help as well.
But anyway. You were looking to know you weren’t alone, and the answer is a resounding no, you are not alone. That rhetoric is designed to harm you. It is specifically targeting you. It makes complete sense that it shook you and impacted you.
Keep reminding yourself of what you know: being trans is not defined on an axis of suffering, some jerkoff loser doesn’t get to define transness for all trans people just because they want everyone to hate themselves as much as they do, and you are valid. Stop and specifically validate yourself out loud when you’re alone and can do so. Write it down (in vague terms if you need to for safety) when you’re around people and can’t say it out loud. Aggressively love and support yourself. Do it out of spite for this jerk if that helps motivate you.
This can pass, but you may have to do a little work so it will.
[gif of daily sky fox, a cute little fox with tiny wings, sitting like a human on the floor, swaying side to side, holding a sign that says “You are strong! I believe in you!” There’s boxing gloves and a round heavy bag in the background]
