nonbinary resource

UPDATE: Blog is currently tentatively open (Jan 2023)! A resource for nonbinary people to discuss and learn about identities and experiences. Please take a look at our faq as your question may have already been answered, and avoid putting your AGAB in your ask or it may be deleted!

[nonbinaryresource]

Blog Activity Update (BLOG CLOSED)

Hey, all -

Unfortunately, the wonderful Mod Zay has had to step back from the blog (please feel free to leave them thanks and good vibes in the comments because they put a great deal of effort into this blog and provided so many wonderful resources), so I, Pluto, am once again modding alone.

I will be answering the asks left in the inbox, but I’m going to be closing up our ask/submit for a while and thinking about the future of this blog. I will probably be reblogging the odd post now and then, so I’ll still be around, but I know I cannot keep up on asks right now, so as of Dec 12, 2020 I’m going to close the inbox rather than let people submit asks that may not be answered.

I’m so sorry. I know this is disappointing and frustrating. Please know our blog is still a resource, so there’s still plenty on here for you to check out if you need help.

Please do a little reading around our blog and try logical searches/tags to check and see if your question has been answered before.

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FAQ

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Tags

Questioning

Pronouns

Coming Out

Dysphoria

Coping

Self-Acceptance

Transitioning

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Mental Health Services

Translifeline

Trevor Project - (COVID19 coping)

GLAAD COVID19 resource masterlist

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Talk to you all later,

~Pluto

[bluebyrd-screaming]

Shout out to every single amab nonbinary person

Yall go through so much shit but just know that there are people out there who care about you and love you just the way that you are and you do make the world a better place

[suiheisen]

MONKEY MAN (2024)

[genderqueerdykes]

btw there's no hard barriers between any queer identities- where one identity ends and another begins, they meld together, creating a gradient between the two, and every other identity around it. it's one big gradient, not rigid boxes that can never be touched by one another. queerness involves embracing those gray areas, celebrating them, and the lives of people who occupy them. being unique does not involve casting away those who are similar to you- there are no barriers between different queers, we are all part of the the same beautiful tapestry.

[uncanny-tranny]

Piggybacking off this post I made last night, but I think two things can be true at once:

Being diagnosed or undiagnosed can both be disadvantages. Neither a state of diagnosis nor undiagnosis can be more "beneficial" because both can be harmful dependent on the situation. We need to be open to the possibility that a diagnosis can be helpful, harmful, a mix, or neither, and not having a diagnosis can also be helpful, harmful, a mix, or neither.

Basically, disability is complex. We live in an ableist world that simultaneously demands disabled people adhere to strict standards but also just not exist in the first place. It's hard enough to navigate diagnosis, and making it harder is only going to harm us, not abled people. They don't care about the intricacies of disability, more often than not.

[monemin]

Everyone told me testosterone would make me angrier. My family has a habit of attributing any anger I feel these days to the testosterone. I didn't feel any angrier, but my mother would still tell me that no, I am angrier now, and testosterone did make me angrier and *she* could tell.

A week or two ago, I got my proof to the contrary. I'd been having a difficult day, woke up late, and had to rush out the door, ran into minor inconvenience after minor inconvenience, and then the straw broke the camel's back.

I wrote out the kind of angry vindictive seething text message I used to write constantly. I didn't send it, of course, I copied it out and pasted it in the folder of my notes where I put all my rage venting.

And then I thought.

Huh, it's been a little while since I did that. And I checked the time and dates on my previous notes. The last one was a few days before I started testosterone.

And scrolling back, I noticed that they were *constant* at least one a week for *years* I used to get so angry that I would get the serious urge to say cruel hurtful things to or about people I cared about on a near-daily basis. I didn't realize how big of a problem it was until all of a sudden I hadn't gotten that angry in Eleven Months. Nearly a YEAR.

And then I realized in my rush to get out the door in the morning, I hadn't taken my T shot. My testosterone was the lowest it's been since August.

All of a sudden, I had demonstrable proof that testosterone really did make me less angry. That all that "you may not think you're any angrier but you are" was bullshit.

I feel like I should be angrier about this than I am. I know how angry I used to get. About everything. I just felt it again for the first time in a while. For once, it would feel justified to be that angry. But I'm not. I'm not mad. I'm just... disappointed, I guess.

[moonbrainedtranny]

It's okay for you to be trans. I realize you know people can be trans, but you're not listening. It's okay for you to be trans.

It's okay for you, specifically you, to be trans.

I'm not sure how long you've been looking for permission to be trans. You don't need the permission, but you have it.

There's a whole community of other trans people that want to support you.

[genderoftoday]

Everybody always asks what's today's gender but nobody asks how's today's gender :'))

‎

[makingqueerhistory]

Hey, I was wondering of youd share your guy's stance on kit being outed as well as other celebrity's being pressured to share their sexuality/orientation.

I am not for it and now might be a good time to discuss something more personal since we are on the topic. Since starting this project, I have had my identity as a queer person poked and prodded at, and I have chosen not to discuss that in depth. I am going to continue with that decision, but I do want to say something. I have recently come out as transgender, specifically genderfluid, and there was some bitterness tainting what should have been an easy happy decision. Because people have spent their time and their energy attacking and targeting me based on their misunderstanding of my gender identity.

I have been told I don't have the authority to speak on transgender issues, despite spending a good portion of my life studying queer and trans history. I have been told my stances are less valid because I was not publicly under a particular set of labels. I have been publicly attacked and dismissed.

This discussion of people's identities does not only affect celebrities. I am just a regular person, doing a job they are passionate about and I have deserved more compassion than I've gotten. I haven't been hurting people, and the things I was most often attacked based on were minor intercommunity squabbles.

This whole mess is just an example of petty infighting that the queer community should be ashamed has been blasted on such a large stage as to affect these young men. Actors, who were simply doing their job are being bullied for no good reason, and outing people is always a disgraceful decision. All of this is based on a simple misapplication of a political framework that has also been proven to be just as ineffective in other communities.

The idea that you need a certain set of identities to even speak on discrimination, or be a part of the discussion, is so silly. That's how you lose important valuable insights. In real strong community work, people of all experiences are listened to and their voices are valued because of their unique perspectives. Yes, people facing the lived realities of oppression should have their voices amplified, but that truth was never meant to be used as a weapon or a silencer. It was meant to lift up people, not to tear others down.

[nonbinaryresource]

Hi. I know im boyflux and agender but its kinda confusing and my identities co-exist. But i cant really tell what im feeling gender-wise at certain times and it kinda feels like there's no gender there at all but i like being called boyflux, it feels like its the right label and i identify as a dude most of the time. but its really confusing and it just feels like a void. Gendervoid could be an option but it feels like more then just that (p.s i stumbled upon one of your posts and i really dont know if this is what you do on your blog, so if it isnt just tell me)

but i like being called boyflux, it feels like its the right label and i identify as a dude most of the time

This is 100% what labelling is all about. If boyflux makes you feel good, then identify as boyflux! You don't need to prove anything to anyone about you picking this term. There is no Gender God or Omniscient Identity Being that is going to storm down from the heavens to declare that you're doing it wrong. Our labels are absolutely human-made for the purpose of humaning. Which means you get to identify off of gut feelings or happiness or absolutely whatever reasoning you have for identifying whatever way.

i really dont know if this is what you do on your blog

We do whatever we want and whatever is needed on this blog. :)

~Pluto

[nonbinaryresource]

I’m tempted to go on T, but there’s one thing thats really setting me back. Both my father and his father went bald very early on in life (starting around senior year of high school). I’m absolutely terrified that I’m going to start balding if I begin taking testosterone

Finasteride will help mitigate hair loss. You can also bring up your concerns with your doctor, and they can discuss best prevention methods with you. There are lots of options (hair loss is a common dysphoria trigger for many cis men), and you can see some of the different treatments people have chosen from this reddit thread.

You can also go for a low-dose of T. It won't stop hair loss, but it will let you take a slower journey through your transition to explore if testosterone is right for you. Do know not all effects of T are reversible, though, including hair loss. But a low dose could give you time to see how being on T makes you feel, and if it's something you feel is worth pursuing even though your fears of hair loss. And if you notice the beginning of hair loss and hate it, you can stop taking T and prevent further loss from occurring.

Finally...it's hair. Hair is one of the most dynamic/least static things on our bodies. Hair loss happens. Hair thinning happens. Hair color changes happen. If you really hate it, then you might find salvation in wigs. But you might also find being bald empowering. There's nothing wrong with baldness! Especially if you're able to just own that and rock it. I think it's worth exploring...what about balding triggers fear for you? What's the underlying fear you're struggling with?

But also - you don't have to have the answers now. It's fine to take as much time as you need to consider this, weigh the pros and cons, and make your decision. It's also completely fine to make one decision now and change your mind later. Spend some time on other transition aspects that may feel more approachable right now. Those might be social, fashion, surgery oriented or anything else. See what kind of happiness you can find without T. It might help you make your decision later down the road.

It's okay. You're not alone. <3

~Mod Pluto

[transmattrs]

I’d like to weigh in and I’d put this in the tags but it’s too long. I started T at 26. I didn’t notice hair loss until 2 years on T.

I knew genetically it was inevitable. I started using rogaine foam as soon as I noticed. It definitely slowed the hair loss and even helped me grow some back (this is not the case for everyone it can have serious side effects so inform your doctor)

I did experience some rapid heart rate and switched to applying once a day.

I was in denial about it for a little bit. My one regret in my transition is not starting finasteride sooner. It has helped slow my hair loss immensely!!!

I can’t grow a beard so I may have to stop T because I don’t want to be bald without facial hair- personal opinion on my looks and how I feel.

However the finasteride has given me more time to decide and see how I’d feel about it.

I do unfortunately have a lot of people comment on my hair loss in my family. I’ve talked to cis male friends with hair loss and they’ve given me tips about hairstyles and how to keep my hair looking fuller.

Ultimately it’s your choice of course. And for everyone it happens/progresses differently.

Using rogaine every night and taking finasteride daily for the past 2 years has helped me keep a decent amount of hair and stay comfortable in my body (without the fat redistribution of going off T which I know will make me dysphoric).

Three years ago I was worried about losing all my hair and these medications have legit saved my prospective of my future and how I feel in my body and about my appearance.

Also, tons of cis men start balding by my age (I’m 33) so for some people it can also cause gender euphorias

Sorry for the novels but I felt it important to share.

[nonbinaryresource]

I’m tempted to go on T, but there’s one thing thats really setting me back. Both my father and his father went bald very early on in life (starting around senior year of high school). I’m absolutely terrified that I’m going to start balding if I begin taking testosterone

Finasteride will help mitigate hair loss. You can also bring up your concerns with your doctor, and they can discuss best prevention methods with you. There are lots of options (hair loss is a common dysphoria trigger for many cis men), and you can see some of the different treatments people have chosen from this reddit thread.

You can also go for a low-dose of T. It won't stop hair loss, but it will let you take a slower journey through your transition to explore if testosterone is right for you. Do know not all effects of T are reversible, though, including hair loss. But a low dose could give you time to see how being on T makes you feel, and if it's something you feel is worth pursuing even though your fears of hair loss. And if you notice the beginning of hair loss and hate it, you can stop taking T and prevent further loss from occurring.

Finally...it's hair. Hair is one of the most dynamic/least static things on our bodies. Hair loss happens. Hair thinning happens. Hair color changes happen. If you really hate it, then you might find salvation in wigs. But you might also find being bald empowering. There's nothing wrong with baldness! Especially if you're able to just own that and rock it. I think it's worth exploring...what about balding triggers fear for you? What's the underlying fear you're struggling with?

But also - you don't have to have the answers now. It's fine to take as much time as you need to consider this, weigh the pros and cons, and make your decision. It's also completely fine to make one decision now and change your mind later. Spend some time on other transition aspects that may feel more approachable right now. Those might be social, fashion, surgery oriented or anything else. See what kind of happiness you can find without T. It might help you make your decision later down the road.

It's okay. You're not alone. <3

~Mod Pluto

[gonsonder]

typically i prefer putting commentary in tags however i want to add to this discussion (if only for myself.) I did not experience hair loss until i was about 2 years on T- my dose started at .25 ml and now I do .4 ml. I was very happy and amused by the change i did notice- the receding of my hairline around my temples. I was even very comfortable in the reality that I could go bald. But then my hair started thinning on top to the point where my loved ones noticed and commented frequently on the change (my wife* especially made a point to comment on any changes she saw from my hrt because she loves me so much and knows how happy it makes me to know she wants to acknowledge and celebrate the results of my hrt) and her comments made me realize how imminent the baldification of my head was. I began to consider how I would look bald, and how I felt about the long journey between having my full head of hair and being mostly or entirely bald. I knew if I didn't want to sport the thinning look I could shave my head, but that felt like it could be a real chore to keep on top of. I decided last year that I want to give my beard time to grow to it's fullest before I consider embracing baldness- I LOVE the bald queer guy with a beard look. I think it's crazy attractive. (And my beard has made fantastic strides in the past year. I've been on T since dec 2019, so a little over 3 years. It took my husband** longer than that to develop his beard on T I know it's not a guarantee that I'll ever sport a wildman's facial hair but I still look forward to seeing what becomes of my beard.) I think even if my beard never fills out to the amount I dream of, I do have intentions to let myself bald when I am older. What age I'm not sure yet, but I feel I'll know when I think it's time. All of this to say of course that I changed my mind on baldness when it crested the horizon of my hrt journey. And that was fine. What you want from your body is allowed to fluctuate at any point for any reason. You can change your mind, you can waffle, you can be unsure, you can cross that bridge when you get there. My decision to go on Finasteride was not called into question or celebrated or anything- everyone in my life respected my decision with little to no commentary. AS THEY SHOULD! I have been taking Finasteride since Oct '22, and so far I haven't really noticed any changes in hair loss or recovery. It definitely stopped the thinning in its tracks, which is a relief! I've heard tell that it can take a year or longer to fill out what you've lost, and hair growth is not guaranteed, so if you notice hair loss and you don't like the trend, you shouldn't waste time seeking out a prescription. Finasteride can be expensive- my insurance doesn't really cover it as it's not considered a necessary aspect of transgender healthcare (baloney!) so anticipate forking over more than you would for insured medications if your insurance is stubborn like mine. In conclusion, Finasteride is awesome and such a fantastic medicine for anyone who isn't psyched about their hair loss, and in a perfect world everyone would trans their gender with reckless abandon. *i love my wife[1] she is my champion she fully embraced my transition from the second I told her I thought I was a man. She wasn't surprised but never voiced her suspicions and she followed my lead and supported me as I tried new pronouns and names and I can't overstate how she was exactly what I needed wrt my transition and also as a life partner. **My husband's[1] beard is so luscious and thick and looks so good and he is so handsome and I love him with the inextinguishable intensity I had only ever felt with my wife. Our t4t love is special and sacred and so deeply fulfilling in the most fagilicious way. 1. We are all in a relationship with each other

[lhazaar]

my kingdom for people On Line to understand that yes, it is still sexual harassment if you're casting yourself as the receiver and not the aggressor in the hypothetical scenario you've constructed. in particular it is still sexual harassment to cold approach butches and masc dykes with shit like omg pin me down step on me. yes, even when you mean it as a compliment. yes, even if you're complimenting them on something else at the same time. i would encourage you in fact to try Not casting people you don't really know in sexual roles based off of their body type or gender presentation. maybe do some self-work instead. go to therapy. anything

[lhazaar]

literally it's fine to be horny about wanting women etc. to boss you around but you cannot do that to actual people who aren't explicitly inviting it. like hello???. why are you associating body types and personality traits with wanting to be dominant or aggressive—and i say aggressive specifically because there's always an element to this ime of physical roughness. why are you associating, like, height or build or vocal pitch with a willingness to eroticize power and shows of force without knowing at all what that person actually likes or enjoys. i'm not talking about established dynamics with a partner. i'm not talking about sending horny anons to someone running an nsfw blog who's putting on a persona or expressing a specific kind of sexuality. i'm talking about, like, why you think it's appropriate to approach someone you don't know with Omg Pin Me Down 😩 Step On Me as if that's any more comfortable for the recipient than catcalling

[uncanny-tranny]

The whole "breasts shouldn't be politicized because the primary purpose of breasts is to feed babies!" can be a fine jumping-off point, but I really wish people thought deeper than that when we talk about the ways in which bodies are politicized and restricted.

Like, why's it that when we talk about breasts, they must have some Higher Purpose? It's true that breasts aren't inherently sexual, but they aren't valuable solely because they can potentially feed a baby. A human body doesn't have to serve a Higher Purpose in order for it to not be legislated against or policed, and I just wish people would remember it isn't always about babies, about other people, about anything else other than the people who have that body.

[makingqueerhistory]

“Today, the fields of queer and trans history are still in the process of finding ways to talk about gender and sexuality diversity among Native people in a way that is neither appropriative nor exotifying. Here I am trying to tell the story of Ozaawindib’s life, not as a way to show the myriad possibilities of gender and sexuality among “primitive” peoples, as some white queer writers have done. Nor am I telling her story so it can be used as a sort of precursor or opening scene which non-Native queer people can inherit after Native people seemingly vanish from the dominant narrative of history. I am sharing her story simply because it is an apt demonstration of how gender diverse Native people were important actors in North American history. Ozaawindib’s story reveals important historical realities of queer, trans, and/or Two-Spirit experiences in North America, especially relating to the process of colonization and the erasure of people who did not conform to the accepted dominant standards of gender and sexuality.[i] Both her story and its subsequent narrative fracturing are symptomatic of larger trends in the history of North American queer, trans, and Two-Spirit peoples.”

—

Kai Pyle Ozaawindib, the Ojibwe Trans Woman the US Declared a Chief

(via makingqueerhistory)

[saintjosie]

Hello!

Do you happen to have any resources or tips or advice for transfeminine voice training that you can share online?

Ive been meaning to start that, especially since for the next few years i still wont be able to take a significant amount of hrt, if at all. But frankly i havent done more than just sing indie girl ukulele songs.

that i do! here’s some content creators that i follow who make quality trans voice content (for all trans people, not just trans femmes 🙂)

Renée | Trans Voice Teacher (@reneeyoxon) | TikTok

Renée | Trans Voice Teacher (@reneeyoxon) on TikTok | 904.1K Likes. 102.3K Followers. 🏳️‍⚧️ EXPLORE your voice ✨ LEARN your voice 💕 LOVE you

Seattle Voice Lab (@seattlevoicelab) | TikTok

Seattle Voice Lab (@seattlevoicelab) on TikTok | 384.1K Likes. 44K Followers. Want a lesson or two? Schedule at www.SeattleVoiceLab.com.Watc

Your Lessons Now (@yourlessonsnow) | TikTok

Your Lessons Now (@yourlessonsnow) on TikTok | 915.2K Likes. 149.2K Followers. Online music + transgender voice lessons https://linktr.ee/yo

[genderqueerdykes]

happy pride to polyamorous people, non-monogamists, relationship anarchists, swingers, people who follow to multiple models of love, people in kink families/houses, and anyone else who feels their love and the way they conduct their life does not suit the amatonormative "one partner for life" model. i hope you have an amazing time loving and being loved and enjoying life