September 12, 2020
1) At times, I can’t help but blame my parents for all the difficulties I’ve been dealing with in life. How I wish they’ve been a lot wiser and worked smarter to ensure a bright future for our family. I feel sorry and ashamed for even thinking about this.
2) As I witness my colleagues have their dreams come to pass, I can’t help but envy them. They have parents capable of supporting them - financially, emotionally and perhaps even psychologically. For me, I didn’t have that liberty. Financially, I have to work for everything that I have (and most of the time, even have to carry the burden of the entire family). Emotionally and psychologically, I can’t expect anything from them. Matter of fact, most of the scars that I carry came from them. I can’t open up to them because they always take it as some sort of attack when I do.
3) I’m tired of always having to be on my own. I want to measure up to the achievements of my colleagues. They say it’s not the right attitude to possess. But what can I do? No matter how much effort I put, I always come short. I’m not as intelligent as they are and not as fortunate/blessed. Just what the fuck do I do then?! I feel frustrated with this injustice.
4) My spiritual mentor once told me perhaps it’s just not my season yet. But I’m starting to feel, it’s not that God can not do it. The Heavenly Father definitely can at a snap. It’s just that.... He will not do it for me.
5) I am scared. I am frustrated. I am losing my fire. What do I do?