#smartassery

[copperbadge]

Just now the TSA agent at security had to stop a woman in front of me who had set off the metal detector, and after a second try, the agent informed her, "Your shoes are alarming."

The Voice In My Head Which Gets Me Into Trouble immediately wanted to say, "Girl, those are Gucci," but fortunately I managed not to say it out loud.

I can't identify shoe brands on sight but they were ordinary sneakers, definitely not Gucci, which made it funnier. I was working hard not to laugh as I passed through the metal detector in my non-alarming Docs.

[rebeccathenaturalist]

Every time I take a walk along the Discovery Trail in Long Beach (WA, not CA), I get a kick out of this sign. I know fully well what it was originally referring to, and yet I can't help but appreciate the utter smartassery of likely multiple people adding their commentary in the form of literal stickers. Technically, yeah, it's vandalism, but it's pretty low-level vandalism, and if the additional visual interest gets people's attention about the warning, and also makes them smile, that's a bonus.

Also, FWIW, these are the "stickers" the sign is supposed to be warning people about:

This is sandcarpet, Cardionema ramosissimum. It's a native plant that grows along the Pacific shoreline of North America from the northern end of Washington down to Baja California. It's pretty benign when green, but once summer hits and vegetation begins to dry out, the flowers turn into these horribly sharp, pointy little seeds that bury themselves into the hair or skin of any passing animal, human included. Unlike goat's heads (Tribulus terrestris), sandcarpet's spurs won't poke through shoe soles or bike tires, but if you track them indoors (or walk around barefoot outside) they will painfully pierce skin, hence the sign warning people not to tread on this particular plant.

[suspiciouslynotapastor]

If you can smell a fan, it's probably dusty as frick and needs to be cleaned before a fire starts or something breaks. Have you been cleaning your cooling fans Coppy? Be honest.

[wetwareproblem]

My love has finally shed their mortal form and become the eldritch horror they were meant to be.

[themightyspacecow]

Galaxy-class starships...

If you look at the flight path of the Enterprise-D, it spent most of its career being sent out to some uncharted sector then being recalled for some diplomatic function or another.  Most of its time was spent flying from assignment to assignment rather than on the assignments.

Expectation vs Reality:

"We’ve built an ultra-deep space explorer with the ability to go twenty years without resupply; we've brought families on board, so that they can stay with loved ones for the expected mission duration, we've given it state-of-the-art recreation facilities, sensor suites, laboratories across the scientific spectrum, defensive systems to handle all realistic threats we can think of, and have a giant swath of uncharted space just begging for a ship with these capabilities." 

"Great!  The second-whitest planet next to Planet Pottery Barn wants to join the Federation, even though they have a very strict ‘keep off the grass’ policy. Go wave the flag." 

"sigh"

[clockworkfiction1822]

Pro-Tip: When someone calls you, panicking at the prospect of being alone with suspected paranormal activity in the house, the best thing to say farewell with may not be, "Goodnight, you two!"

[nietzsche-mustache]

[validatemylife]

One time in college, I (engineer) took a poetry class (extremely fun). During one lecture, the professor said he’d give anyone an A who could tell him the sound of one hand clapping. It was intended to be philosophical, to make us think. It tied into an interesting argument that I can’t remember now, some 8 years later.

Anyways, the lecture went on until he paused to accept questions. I raised my hand, he called on me. “You said you’d give an A if I could describe the sound of one hand clapping,” I said, “is that a serious offer?” He said yes.

You see, if you bend your faggy little wrist about 90 degrees backwards and keep your fingers limp, you can make a clapping sound by violently shaking your arm back and forth at the elbow. I proceeded to demonstrate this fact to uproarious laughter, including a delighted (but sensible) chuckle from the professor.

I ended that class with a few poems I was genuinely proud of, that I keep in several places so I’ll never lose them. Poems that mean a lot to me, poems that I would show off if I had anyone to show them off to. Poems I am afraid to show off because they are vulnerable and raw in a way I’m uncomfortable with. I think he might even have actually liked them.

I still like to think that I earned my A through semantics.