The following is an interview that took place March 25, 2016. The purpose of the interview was for me, the interviewer, to give Smith College students who identify as Queer or Questioning people of color an outlet to speak freely about their unique identities. After the interview I ask them to take me to a place on campus that really matters to them, that really overcomes them with fondness and positivity. My sixth participant: Denisse<3 _______________________________ T: Okay, so, why did you want to be a part of this project? D: For me, I think, being, I guess like, a queer person of color was never something I thought about, it’s never something I really identified as, it’s just, ‘Yeah, I’m queer,’ I never really added the of color part to it until kind of recently, I guess, like since coming to college when I was surrounded by a lot of people who took pride in identifying that way and I found that I could too, and I did. So, when you said you were doing this project I was just like, ‘I wanna bring that visibility here because there’s a lot of pride and power in identifying that way.’ (giggles) T: Yes. Why did you choose Smith? D: For me, it was really in the end financial reasons because I feel like everyone has that, ‘I chose this school because of the environment, because of a certain department they really like,’ and those did kind of influence, in the end it was just ‘They gave me the most money,’ and that’s like- T: Mhhhmm D: -what my family really relied on because my dad is the only one that works in my family and so college is expensive, so the only reason I could come here is because they gave me such generous financial aid. Since coming here I’ve found things that I’m glad that I have here because it would have sucked if I ended up not liking anything, and I just had to be here because of the money, but while the money was still a big part I did find people and groups that I’m glad I can be a part of. T: Hmm, what are you focusing on in college? D: I guess, just trying to learn more about myself and to grow in many, many ways because now I’m really like on my own. My entire life has been, I guess, very sheltered is like the best way to put it, honestly, because I was an only child. I was always with my parents and they were very overprotective people and so I feel like in college, aside from me getting that degree and trying to make a life better for myself, it’s really just exploring myself and really feeling who I am and being able to be alone with myself and understand things that I probably couldn’t really think about before. T: Cooh (Cool) D: (giggles) T: Kind of on the same vein, what are your interests? Like in the world? D: I really, really like theater a lot. It was something I did as a child and then just kind of stopped when I was in middle school and throughout high school really, and I’m not good at it. The theater kids always tended to be, like, not viewed very well at my school, and I was like ‘Wow, I really want to do it but I don’t want to be a part of that group.’ But, I recently got back into it, so I really, really love it. Umm, I really like reading literature and, like, books. Reading anything, really, um, whether it’s literature, poetry, plays. I really like, its something that I got into recently, Aztec Danza, which is something that was brought by one of my friends is Nosotr@s and that’s something that I really, really like doing now. It’s like, you know, keeping in touch with our indigenous roots and I really like that. Umm, yeah, I really, I found I recently like to write a lot, like my own kind of spoken word stuff. I’m starting to get more into that. Yeah. T: Cool, umm. So how do you identify? Like all of it. Anything. D: I identify as non-binary, as a Chicana, as a lesbian, as Catholic, and, yeah, I feel like those really capture who I am, that’s what I identify as. T: Hmmm, three words to describe yourself. D: Ooo, three words (laughs) I’m always so bad at these (laughs) I guess Curious. Indecisive. And Genuine. T: Okay, Okay (nods) D: (giggles) Yeah (laughs) T: Who do you look up to? Who is your ideal human being? D: I would have to say my mom. Honestly, because while we’ve obviously had our, like, rough patches, as it’s bound to happen in any relationship and especially with your parents, she’s always been my rock. For me, she always, from like the day I was born, put all of her time and effort with raising me and teaching me everything she knew and everything she thought would be best for me growing up. When I see everything she’s done for her life, all of the, I guess, obstacles she’s overcome I can only dream of being half the amazing person she is. She’s gone through so much. She emigrated from Mexico to California when she was I think like 21, 22, she was really young and that was obviously not easy and she actually had cancer twice and she managed to like bounce back from those and she’s doing fine. I think it’s been 7 years and just like everything she’s gone through is like, I only hope I can be as strong when I have to face my own things like that. And I know that she’s always supporting me, she’s always with me and I want to be that for someone one day also. T: Mmmmmhmm. Let’s see. What makes you happy? D: What makes me happy? Ooo, Hmm. Honestly, I think it’s like my friends and my parents because I rely on having like people’s company a lot and you know sometimes you find yourself in bad company with bad people and that affects me very negatively, very deeply and so that’s why I treasure my friends and my parents specifically so much. I can always turn to them for providing positivity or support and I feel like the friends I’ve made here, especially at Smith so far, I feel like there’s certain connections there that I haven’t made with other people before and I feel like they’ve made me happier than a lot of people I’ve met this far and yeah, and my parents, because it was just us growing up so, yeah. T: Mmhmm. Umm, Let’s see. Doo doo doo-dooo, why did you choose this space? D: I chose the TV Studio because that’s where I did my first show here at Smith and that’s where I spent most of my time doing rehearsals. I’m actually doing rehearsals now for another show. I’m doing Mad Forest, and yeah going back to the first show or like that show specifically meant a lot to me personally with dealing with my own mental illness and being a queer person of color. Yeah, I feel like that space where I spent so much time trying to get in touch with this character and finding that I had so much in common with her was like really important and so like whenever I go into the TV Studio I get flashbacks and I just get this warm feeling like ‘Wow, like here’s where I had my first show. At Smith. And people liked it. Here’s where I felt comfortable with myself the way I am and not feeling bad about it.’ I never thought I would find, I guess, comfort and happiness in a space like that but it ended up meaning a lot to me. T: That was a great show. D: (giggles) Thank you. T: It was really awesome. Where do you see yourself in representation, like who do you see in the media fully matched you as you, as a personality? D: Hmmm. This is tough. Well I don’t know if she’s like really lie in the media like TV but I recently started to read a lot by Cheri Moraga because, like, before coming here I had no idea who she was and she’s a lesbian, Chicana, activist. She’s done so much. So many amazing things and she’s a playwright and her plays are so good, and yeah. I see, I wouldn’t say I see a lot of myself in her but I like seeing that there is someone like me out there doing these really amazing things that I’d want to do one day myself. Maybe I haven’t been that exposed to enough, or maybe there really is lacking in all sorts of industries be it film or Tv or whatever, but I would like to see more people like that in mass media that everyone consumes but (sigh) Still waiting (giggles) So long as they still have those few, that still means a lot to me because they’re there and so I latch onto them. Yeah (laughs) T: Two more questions. D: Okay. T: What motivates you? D: Ooo, getting deep. Umm, (laugh) this is so cheesy to go back to the same thing but I honestly think its my parents just because of everything they’ve done with their lives to like make sure I get to this point. They sacrificed a lot, so much, that I know they would have loved to have so that I could be here right now and that lie one of my main motivating factors at Smith, is that I want to be as successful as I possibly can to show them that their hard work paid off because I wouldn’t want to disappoint them, I think that’s like my greatest fear, like I don’t want to do that because it’s not easy to give up all these things that you could have had and really wanted. And yeah, so, I think that’s what really motivates me the most: wanting to make them happy, show to them that everything that they did for me was worth it, and hopefully I didn’t waste their time and effort. T: I feel that. Okay. Last question: What would you tell someone who is coming upon this, this that they have just found online? D: Hmmm. I hope you thought this was interesting because I’ve said a lot that I’ve not said out loud in a while. Umm. I hope you’re having a nice day, and if you’re not, things will get better soon. And you’ve got people somewhere out there who love you a lot and care about you. You are very strong. (giggles) T: Perfect. Thank you. D: Okay, yeah! [End Recording]
Bio from Denisse: My name is Denisse Velázquez. I’m a first-year at Smith. I was born and raised in the Bay Area and I’ve lived in Santa Clara, CA all my life. My parents both immigrated from Mexico and I am a first-generation student. I am a Chicana, a lesbian, nonbinary, Catholic, a writer, and an actor. I am currently undeclared but I am an intended Latin American Studies major and History minor. I love my home state of California with all my heart and hope to return there after my time at Smith. Theatre is perhaps my greatest passion alongside literature and music. Follow me on Instagram (@denissediane), Twitter (@MuxeristaMorena), and Tumblr (nonbinarymexican.tumblr.com) for some incoherent musings and sometimes coherent rants!
[Blurb about the interviewer: My name is Tyahra Angus, my personal blog is http://bitchpudin.tumblr.com/. I like when people pronounce my name right, so think Tiara, but funky. I am a Jamaican, American, Pansexual, writer, singer, poet/anything I can get my hands on type of artist, Smith College 16′ focusing on English and Africana studies with a concentration in Queer Black Literature and Art. My blog gives you a better sense of me: I only reblog self-identified black women, in all our uniqueness, all our beauty. Since meeting Denisse, I truly know that there are human flowers in this world. Completely beautiful, gentle, and absolutely lovely<3]