#sndwnsyndrm

[lotusless]

there was a heavy feeling on her chest.

juwon's eyes shot open but she quickly closed them again. there was sliver of light coming from the window, the curtains not fully drawn closed, that blinded her momentarily. she moved to cover her eyes but found her arms pinned to the bed by hyunwoo's. the heavy feeling on her chest suddenly making sense.

they must've passed out after last night's events. she could still feel the forest on her skin, her clothes. she would definitely need to do laundry once they're both up. careful not to wake hyunwoo, juwon rolled out bed as slowly and as quietly as possible. even letting herself fall on the floor with a soft thud. she peeked her head to find hyunwoo still sleeping soundly before turning around to face the rest of the dorm.

what she didn't expect to find is eunjae already awake and even more so, wearing sunglasses inside. juwon furrowed her brows but didn't point it out. she looked at the time on her bedside table, too early for anyone to really be up especially after such a listless night. juwon approached eunjae then, careful not to startle her.

she spoke softly, "morning, i didn't expect to see you awake already." juwon shuffled past her to take a peek at herself in their shared bathroom, her eyes widening to see herself so disheveled. "last night didn't go at all according to plan...i'm guessing the same for you?"

aftermath deliberations — with lee eunjae @sndwnsyndrm

[woundedsteel]

Some time ago, Gaku’s mother retold the story of how she met his father. They were best suited for each other from a conjuring matchmaker of sorts; that their ways of living would bleed into compliance. His mother rationalized the long, lonely standing of devotion. Compartmentalized her desire into every outhouse and shed. So much to keep power in her wake. Political and dynastic stability, at the very root of protection. Unchanged and yet, stronger. A sacrifice she quietly sustained.

She’d go on to say that Gaku wouldn’t understand. He’s just a boy when she tells him about the fateful day of crossing paths with her husband. And that her eyes were void of any real feeling on that day. Something that’d she knew to put her soul behind her, and her principles first.

Gaku would ought to be subordinate to the same fate. He can’t envision it for himself, as all selfish and self-serving men are. He is his father’s son, after all. By blood, the two are the same. Unshaken by the things they want.

Lee Eunjae.

Gaku would bring her to northern Okinawa, where they’d see the ocean and mountains meet at dusk. She’d have a winsome opportunity to practice her sorcery. His mother, from her youth, could see herself in the woman. And that Gaku could take her away from here and give her the life she’d always wanted, and that he’d be the man to keep her body warm, always without tension. A part of him wanted to ask if she ever saw anything with her future involving him, a future that wouldn’t hurt. Anything without faithfully imploring on past lives and nameless universes. Except, he doesn’t. He succumbs to a certain defeat not much worthy than “what ifs” and futile reveries. It’s all he has.

“I got a rental,” he says. Gaku looks at Eunjae. They’re on the first floor of the hall, right as he promised of where he was gonna meet her.

“What? You thought I forgot?” he sneers. Something about her makes him smile. Nothing much has happened. It never has to when he’s with her. Gaku wants to say her name. It’s the only name he knows that makes his mouth tender and good.

“You owe me a match playing pool, Eunjae.”

YOU’VE GOT IT BAD, GIRL ft. @sndwnsyndrm