Easy Breezy
Hello hello! I haven't been active for a bit, but I do come bearing a new fic. The basic premise revolves around a model who's sneezes are becoming far too big for the containment infasturcture his city provides, much to his wealthy fiancé's glee.
Apologies if the formatting is weird, this was posted on mobile.
This fic is about 4.5k words, and contains giant/destructive sneezing.
Do Not Reblog to Non-Kink Blogs.
Ozias started his morning being shaken awake. The floor beneath him quaked and trembled, rattling the bed and shaking various picture frames and tchotchkes from their shelves. The vestiges of sleep still muddling his mind, Ozias rolled over to gently shake his partner awake but instead found a mess of empty sheets and blankets. Confused, he stared at the bed for a few moments before another tremor rocked the room. As their shared trinkets clattered to the floor his mind suddenly clicked into focus.
“Ah… Beau.”
Chuckling to himself in vague amusement, Ozias rolled out of bed and carefully traipsed downstairs. His mind was a constant stream of thoughts piecing together the puzzle of where in their home his partner might be. Ozias could definitely hear him; deep, ragged gasps followed by a raucous eruption that echoed throughout their penthouse and shook the building. He’d occasionally have to grab for the railing when the tremors threatened to make his cautious descent down the stairs significantly more swift and painful.
These were smaller releases though, nothing they couldn’t handle together.
He ran through potential causes for his fiance’s morning eruptions, drawing blanks at every possibility. The apartment was always impeccably clean thanks to their mechanical staff, Ozias had personally discarded any scents his partner’s sensitive nose could deem offensive and there were no flowers to speak of within their home.
By the time he reached the bottom of the stairs the tremors stopped and the apartment had fallen silent. An ominous sign, he figured checking the kitchen would be his best bet at finding his sneezy partner. Perhaps the chef-bit left some errant spice laying about and Beau had been unfortunate enough to come into contact with it? He discovered his intuition had been spot on as he entered the kitchen, unsurprised to find it in complete disarray upon his entry; a mess of toppled furniture, splattered fruit and broken robotic parts greeted him, all pointing in accusatory fashion to the culprits at the epicenter of the mayhem.
One lay innocently on the counter, a fallen pepper shaker, its cap off with the ticklish powder scattered across the counter. The other perpetrator seemed to be on the verge of blowing the kitchen and their home to kingdom come.
Ozias watched his fiance gear up for his biggest eruption yet. He stared with rapt attention as Beau's chest heaved appreciably as he drew in a great influx of air. Beau's nose, red with irritation, flexed and flared, threatening to blow anything in its line of fire away.
An urgent hitch snapped Ozias from his reverie, his brain gently reminded him that the fit Beau was mounting towards could spell the end for their home. He began to rapidly pat at the pockets of his dressing gown, hurriedly searching for the remote to his fiance’s containment device. However Ozias’s appreciation of his fiance’s breathless form had cost him time and he was too late to stop—
“HHHAAAHHHH—!
AAAAAHHHHTTTIIISSSSSCCHIIIEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW!!!”
—Beau’s eruption. The mere volume had caused the windows to shudder in their casements and the floor to tremble. Their dining table, chairs and barstools were ripped from the floor and flung to the far side of the kitchen in the bluster. The furniture made an ungodly racket as it hit the wall, a few chairs breaking on impact.
“Gah! S-uhhH! Sorry! wuhhhH—! One mmore!” Beau gasped to no one in particular, eyes screwed shut and chest heaving.
Unsatisfied, he began gearing up for another sneeze. His hitches mounted with an urgency that only preceded truly devastating releases; utterly destructive blasts of wind and power that would leave little, if anything in its wake. As Beau continued to swell with air, Ozias hurriedly found and retrieved the remote from the pocket of his nightgown. He fumbled with it, eyes glued to his fiance on the verge of an imminent eruption, before finally slamming the activation button.
A transparent green field of energy began to emanate from a collar around Beau’s neck, forming a bubble around his head; just in time for Beau to launch forward with a wall shaking-
“EEEEEEEIIIIIHHHDJJZSSSCHHHIIIIIUUUUUUUEEEEEE!!!”
As expected the sneeze was massive, a deafening roar that rocked the building.
Ozias stumbled with the force of it, having to grab the lip of a nearby counter to steady himself. The eruption had taken his breath away leaving him an astonished, if appreciative, shell.
He buzzed with tremulous excitement as he contemplated how extensive the collateral damage would have been had he not deployed the collar in time. Riding the high, Ozias hurriedly swept up the irritant before it caused another, potentially bigger, sneeze.
Meanwhile, Beau , largely unaware of the chaos he had caused, raised a handkerchief to his nose to blow away the last vestiges of the tickle and spend what remained of the morning with his fiance. Instead, his hand collided with the static-y wall of the energy field surrounding his head.
Opening his eyes for the first time since his fit started, he blinked blearily as his vision came into focus, watching as Ozias wiped away the pepper on the counter.
His nose twinged with impatient desire for another massive sneeze, and Beau knew he’d be forced to give in to that need if he couldn’t expel the remaining irritants lodged in his nose. He knocked impishly at the containment bubble to summon Ozias’s attention as the urge grew.
Ozias had finished disposing of the spilled pepper when Beau's grab for attention began, smiling as he turned to face the source of the noise.
Beau waved at him, gesturing to drop the containment bubble. His fiance, wise to the potential danger, chuckled. Arms crossed in faux-seriousness and leaning against the now clean counter Ozias raised a mildly amused eyebrow,
“All done? No storms on the horizon, right~ ?”
Beau held his hands in a placating gesture and shook his head no, though his nose twitched ever so slightly.
Suspicious, but ultimately compliant, Ozias dispelled the containment bubble. Once retracted, Beau raised the handkerchief and blew his nose viciously.
“Sorry, sorry! snf!” Beau apologized, rubbing his nose through the folds of the handkerchief a final time.
“Ohhh Ozzy… did I wake you?”
“Well yeah,” Ozias laughed, “don’t worry though, pet, that was the best wake-up call I’ve received in a while.”
“Though I must ask sweetheart, what’s got you going so early today?”
Beau lowered the handkerchief and gave Ozias an embarrassed grin as he gave his recount.
“Well, since today’s our special day, I thought I’d make you breakfast with the chef-bit’s help!
“Everything was fine until the eggs!” Beau despaired, “I accidentally knocked over the pepper shaker and the cap flew off and I j-just c-couldn’t heeehH—help myself! HIIIEEEHHH—! sngk!!”
Ozias stuck a finger under Beau’s nose, rubbing gently but firmly to soothe the itch. If this itch were allowed to become fully realized, it would spell doom for their apartment, regardless of whether the containment bubble caught the brunt of it or not. He loved doing this; just the idea that he could waylay his darling fiance from leveling an area with just a finger under the nose drove him wild.
Beau’s nose continued to flex and flare with irritation but eventually relented to the pressure.
“Thanks.” Beau slumped forward, sighing with relief, “The poor little chef-bit didn’t stand a chance I fear. I swear Ozzy, I’d probably blow myself off the planet without you here,” Beau laughed.
“At the risk of jinxing our near future, I don’t think they're quite big enough for you to escape Earth’s gravitational pull just yet.” Ozias chuckled alongside his partner. He placed a hand on Beau’s waist before pulling him closer into a sort of half-hug. Ozias gently touched a kiss to the crown of Beau’s head, laughing as his fiance buzzed with delight.
“Thank you for trying to surprise me though,” said Ozias, nuzzling into his partner’s hair, “the thought was well appreciated, even if your nose got the better of you in the end.”
Beau tsk’d in frustration as he surveyed the disaster he had made of their kitchen.
“Ack—! and I’ve made such a mess!” He groaned as bits of spattered fruit slid down the wall. "This’ll take forever to clean!”
Beau slammed his face into his open and awaiting palms, huffing in exasperation.
“I reaally am sorry Ozzy! Some surprise this was…”
“You don’t need to apologize, baby. I know you can’t help it, and you know I love it,” Ozias soothed. He melted a bit internally when faced with Beau’s guilty, unconvinced expression.
“And don’t even worry! The cleaners’ll make this place sparkle again in no time!” Ozias said, adding an internal note to triple their rate for the trouble.
“I’ll have to make sure I leave them a good tip then." Beau shrugged.
Ozias swore he could see the faintest little twinge of twitching by the base Beau's of nose. He was about to bring it up when his fiance turned to him.
“ And…maybe we can test this… thing’s limits when we get off work? At a safe zone? I think I might have gotten another growth spurt…” Beau practically winced, gingerly rubbed the bridge of his nose as he made his request.
Ozias could feel a smile creeping on to his face without his permission. 'Growth spurts', for people like Beau, referred to the phenomenon of their sneezes drastically increasing in size and damage potential. His darling storm cloud was already among the top 0.01 percent of people afflicted with macroptárnisma, and to think that those destructive blasts of air that had only been rivaled by nature itself could get bigger drove Ozias wild.
It took all Ozias had not to ravish his beloved fiance with his affection right then and there.
He could feel himself flush from head to toe. The temptation to test the limits of Beau’s nose —and his apartment’s structural integrity— sprung into full bloom in the recesses of Ozias’s mind, consequences be damned. Excited by the chance to see what his darling was capable of, Ozias couldn’t help but grin in the haze of his desire.
“Of course, pet! I’ll make sure to book the venue immediately, it’ll be the capstone of our evening.”
—-
The click-clack of keyboards and buzz of droning chatter bored Ozias. Though he should have been focusing on the trajectory of his meeting, his mind couldn’t help but wander back to Beau.
His gorgeous dark curls, his shining tear-laden eyes, the staccato hitch-hitch-hitch!-ing of his breath as he huffed and puffed towards a tempestuous finale. The model’s face would collapse into a vision of utter helplessness as he acquiesced to complete surrender to the demands of his nose.
It was a difficult thing to please, Beau’s nose; exceedingly sensitive and beyond insatiable, there was little hope of controlling it when it got going. Any attempt to quell the tickly urge would lead to far more devastating consequences in the immediate future.
Ozias fiddled with his pen as he drifted further and further into the embrace of nostalgia. It had been their anniversary then as well, and he had just managed to convince Beau that his destructive fits were a bonus and not a flaw in his eyes. To prove it, Ozias had bought a massive field of flowering tulips for them to frolic in. Beau had revealed them to be his favourites when they started dating — though he could never be around them within city confines— and was ecstatic when they had arrived.
The joy on his darling’s face had made the purchase all the more worth it. Eventually, joy would give way to the slightest tinge of an itch. Slowly, Beau’s nose would begin to twitch and tremble with irritation. Ozias cherished the memory of the first time he had been asked to help hold back the oncoming release. How could he not? Between gently massaging the aggrieved appendage to try to provide relief, and firmly placing a finger under Beau’s nose when that had proved futile, their combined efforts had only been enough to delay the fast approaching storm by mere minutes.
Beau had gently guided Ozias out of the blast range once he realised an eruption would be imminent. His hitches took on new depth as his chest heaved with copious amounts of air, his face the perfect picture of itchiness.
And in an instant, the entire acre of tulips had been flattened, reduced to a whirlwind of petals on the gale. Ozias had been impressed until his darling storm cloud had begun to pant with need for more. Beau’s nose would not be satisfied with just one sneeze.
Ozias watched Beau huff, puff, and blow the acreage of tulips to smithereens with a reverence he had heretofore never experienced. The field of flowers they once stood in had been reduced to barren earth within seconds as Beau desperately fanned at his furious nose. It trembled and twitched with a violence as Beau heaved towards a terrible finale—
Taptaptap!
“Mr. Riesling? Please pay attention. What are your thoughts on the forecast of projected company earnings for Q2 and 3?”
Ozias’s happy jaunt down memory lane was rudely interrupted by a member of the board. He cleared his throat, standing to continue the meeting and issue the response the board sought with a cheaply plastered smile.
He’d just have to be satisfied with the idea of his darling’s sneezy face until he could experience the real deal at home.
—-
Ozias slumped with relief as he got in the elevator. An elegantly wrapped box under one arm and a bag with celebratory goodies on the other, he quietly anticipated the sight of his fiance after a drawn out day of meetings and reports. After minutes of quiet excitement, the elevator chimed gently and opened its doors to his apartment.
Ozias strode into his home with renewed vigor, carrying his offerings .
“I’m home! Beau, my darling—!” He paused, surprised. Ozias found his beloved fiance sitting wearily on the couch in the foyer, handkerchief in hand, nose tinged red all the way up to the bridge.
“Ozzy! How was work?” Beau tilted his head slightly to better cast his languid gaze over at Ozias; a syrupy, indolent smile began to spread across his lips, his nares twitching ever so slightly.
“Fine… but is something wrong? Why are you sitting out on the foyer?” Ozias quickly took a seat beside his partner as he spoke, grasping Beau’s free hand.
Beau sniffled, vigorously rubbing his nose with a seeming lack of regard for the itchy appendage’s beet red hue.
“Since the accident with the pepper this morning, I’ve been suuuper itchy,” he stated idly, “so my director sent me home early,”
He sniffed, annoyed.
“Told me not to come back until I was ‘no longer a danger to the studio’, so I’ve been home for the better part of the day.”
“Poor baby…” Ozias cooed.
“It’s for the best, really. I’d hate to have a repeat of last year’s incident, and cost you even more money.”
‘Last Year’s Incident’, as Beau had dubbed it, had been a more public showing of his nose’s true capabilities after a growth spurt.
In Ozias’s opinion it had been purely the fault of the producer, who insisted on doing a floral shoot in the middle of spring. Hundreds of thousands of beautiful, pollen bearing flowers had been flown into the studio for ‘authenticity’. The models were run through the ringer without regard for break nor rest in order to capture the photos at the flower's peak freshness.
At least, until Beau huffed, puffed and blew them all away.
Aggrieved and overstimulated by the smell and microscopic invasion of pollen, Beau’s nose exploded with vicious reprisal, inundating the studio with a cataclysmic paroxysm of sneezes; blowing the flowers to shreds, toppling cameras, destroying equipment, and blowing the building to smithereens.
By the time someone had gotten a hold of Ozias the studio had been reduced to an empty lot .
“Sweetheart, you wound me! You know no cost is too great for me when it comes to you~”
“But that still doesn’t explain why you’ve been sat out here the whole day. You couldn’t have been waiting for me the entire time?” Ozias pressed.
“The cleaners just finished straightening the apartment out, Oz. I wouldn’t want this thing to go off and ruin all their hard work,” he gestured to his nose, “and besides, I figured you’d enjoy getting a good look before we went to the safe zone. And I know, I know you wanted to finish the day with our trip there, but I’ve been dealing with this itch for hours! If I don’t get some relief soon, the results won’t be pretty.”
Ozias knew if what Beau was saying was true, then the resulting release would be an absolute monster of a sneeze. That perfect nose of his was carrying all the might of a super-storm within and was more than ready to unleash its might on anyone who dared to irritate it further. The very thought inspired feelings of desperate recklessness in Ozias.
“Hours you said? My… that sounds terrible, pet,” he cooed, hand slowly but surely reaching up to thumb the side of Beau’s nares.
“Ozzy—, focus!” Beau scolded, “I’ll blow up the apartment if you’re n-not, c-care-careful! HiiIhHHHH—!”
It was a relatively weak hitch for Beau, but weak or not, Ozias could feel his hair sway towards him in tandem with each inhale. He felt his heart rate spike with excitement. Ozias’s thumb had not even made true contact with the outer rim of Beau’s nostril, but it flared with indignation at the audacity to even think about doing such a thing.
The preemptive rejection from Beau’s nose and his fiance’s admonishing warning only excited Ozias further. For as much as temptation dared him to give his fiance’s nose a gentle caress, to coax out the sneeze lurking in its depths, Ozias decided it would be for the best if he backed up to give his fiance the space he needed as Beau fanned his face in an attempt to get himself back under control.
“Thh– hhhaAAAah–! T-That waaass—HAAAAHHhy—!” Beau gasped.
Ozias felt the vacuum-esque pull of Beau’s gasps intensify. His hitches pulled a number of their potted succulents off balance and left them in crumpled heaps on the floor. His fiance’s face was the perfect expression of attempted restraint; of once perfect control slipping through his grasp, like sand through one’s fingers.
He watched with rapt attention as Beau systematically wrestled the urge back towards a state of calm. Corralling the itch like some wild thing, his breathing eventually evened itself back out as his nose bucked and flared with a vengeance.
“ThAAAAAh-! HAAAaahHhh?! AaAAAHHHHHH!!
HHhaAAAadHh?! HaAAahh–? th-Thaaaht-! Th-that was… reckless!” Beau croaked.
Breath unsteady and heady from a build-up denied, he glared at Ozias, though it held no real heat; his eyes glassy with unshed, itchy tears, made Ozias’s breath catch in his throat.
“Get me to a safe-zone in the next ten minutes, or you’re about to understand just how destructive my fits can be.”
It was more a command than a request and Ozias could only think of one answer.
“Yes, my darling.”
—
They had taken one of Ozias’s cars to the nearest safe zone they could find, a chauffeur-bit raced them across the city in record time to get the pair to Breezy Acres; one of several premiere facilities for the ‘nasally gifted’ dotted throughout the city. Ozias counted his blessings they had gotten there so quickly as he guided Beau into the building.
His prior estimate of being able to successfully hold back another ten minutes had been generous; by minute seven Ozias could tell his fiance was just about ready to blow.
Ozias pulled Beau into a designated sternutory chamber as his partner began to hitch quietly. Just outside the chamber sat a bored technician who acknowledged their entry with an unenthusiastic,
“Welcome to Breezy Acres, where your stormy days are our pleasure to manage. What strength category do you think you’ll be needing—”
“Maximum. Oh and, please, do hurry, I don’t think he’ll be able to hold back much longer!”
The technician rolled their eyes as they pushed the strength array of the chamber’s shielding to its maximum value. Beau hitched towards what would undoubtedly be a terrific sneeze within the confines of several energy fields, similar to the containment collar.
He no longer fought the approach of the sneeze, fully surrendering to it and the burning fury of the itch in his nose. His eyes fluttered shut as he breathed in, in, in.
His chest heaved with the air he was pulling in, hands fluttering uselessly in a vain attempt to feel some sort of control over a rapidly devolving situation. Beau, now thoroughly overcome with the incessant, needling itch he had been dealing with all day, felt his body switch to autopilot to prepare for imminent release.
It had been exactly ten minutes since Beau had demanded Ozias bring him to the safe zone.
Beau’s head tilted back slowly as he gasped his final hitch. A heavy moment of silence permeated the before he rocked forward with a deafening,
“AAAAHHHH-! HHHHAAAEEEESSSCHIIIUUUEEEEEE!!!”
The activation of the containment fields bathed the room in an eerie, green glow. A warning flashed across the technician’s monitor, eliciting a noise of genuine disbelief. Ozias, feeling nosy, decided to take a quick peek only to choke on shock himself.
The message on the screen read,
‘Warning: Containment Absorption Rate at Capacity’
The technician’s face drained of colour, horrified but mildly fascinated, as Beau panted towards another devastating release. They gingerly pressed the intercom button to say something, only to be drowned out by a room shaking,
“HHHEEEIIIIIIIDDDJJSSSSSCCCHHIIIEEEEWWW!!!”
It was a veritable twister of a sneeze, shattering a few of the containment fields and causing the floor to tremble in awe of its might. Ozias was temporarily overcome with ecstasy before he remembered the precarious situation they were in.
“Mr. Allison, please! Do your best to hold back any additional sneezes! The containment fields are beyond capacity, and any further releases will put you at serious risk of collateral damage!” They begged.
If Beau had heard them, he didn’t show it as he hitched dangerously towards another sneeze. Low and deep, they thrummed with power that would prove to be uncontainable if allowed to coalesce into a sneeze.
“HHAAAAHHHHH—! AAAAHHHHHHHH—!! HhaAhhhH–HAAAAAAAHHHHh!!!”
Just his hitching was powerful enough to tear panels from the containment fields out of alignment, further weakening the containment array.
Throwing ideas at the wall to see what would stick, the technician activated a number of sternutory suppression aids to try to halt the rapidly advancing tickle. Many a robotic hand stretched out of the chamber walls, each with their own ‘special method’ of stopping monstrous sneezes in their tracks. They rubbed, pinched, pressed and squeezed the model’s cherry red nose, unknowingly adding fuel to a blazing wildfire.
“HHHAAAEEEEEHHHHHHH!!! AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”
“No, no, no, nonono—! C’mon, work with me here!” the technician panicked, frantically deactivating the suppression aids and rerouting power to the sternutory chamber as Beau continued to gasp towards destructive release.
Ozias watched on with delight as his darling fiancé’s chest inflated with all the air he took in, head tilting back in preparation, nose trembling with the catalyst to cataclysm.
He had not been pleased when the technician unceremoniously tackled him to the floor, but his complaints were summarily silenced as a booming—
“HHHAAAAAEEEDDDHTTTZSCHIIIIEEEEEWWWWWW!!!”
— rattled the facility.
It was like a bomb went off. Containment field panels and the robotic arms that bore them had been flung every which way in the chamber. The specially made reinforced glass that separated the technician’s booth from the sternutory chamber shattered from the force of the blast. Broken bits of the suppression aids stuck out at random across the wall of the chamber like shrapnel. At the center of the chaos was Beau. Still unsatisfied, still itchy, gasping towards yet another massive sneeze.
Ozias and the technician got up slowly, one reeling from his amorous feelings towards his itchy beloved, the other, still shaken from Beau’s eruption.
Said technician was horrified once they peered above their console to find Beau gearing up for yet another sneeze. They shot a pleading look at Ozias, perhaps hoping he’d give them the key to stopping Beau from blowing the place sky high. What they found was the face of a gentleman who was very much okay with the idea being blasted away along with the facility.
Sighing internally, the technician gingerly pressed the intercom.
“Mr. Allison, please try to hold that one in,” they begged, “the facility needs a bit of time to recuperate from the effects of your fit.”
“HHAAAAHHHhhH!!! aAaaAAAAHHHHDHH?! AAAEEEHHHHHHHHHH!!!”
They pleaded, “You won’t even need to wait long, we’ll have you transferred to another maximum strength chamber within 5 minutes. Just please, try to keep it together for a little while longer, this room can’t take much more!”
“C-HhHHH! c-haaeehhH!! I–! iihhHHHHhh! C-can’t! I can’t! GHHh-gonnaaahHHHH!!! G-ghk!
GottaaaaAAAAAHHH—!!! AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!”
With that the technician sprinted for the exit, dragging the besotted Ozias Riesling behind him, slamming the ‘Emergency Containment’ button as they ran. Steel doors descended behind them, cordoning off the sternutory chamber and the corridor that led to it, trapping the ticking timebomb of a man within.
In their panic, the technician ran all the way to the check-in area. Doubling over, catching their breath, they felt a pang of annoyance as they caught a glimpse of Ozias out of the corner of their eye. He was just standing there with a hopeful expression. Waiting.
They weren’t sure why but that pissed them off.
They were about to lay into him for his general unhelpfulness in the situation when what felt like the entire complex shuddered with a massive,
“AAAAAAHHHDDDTTTIIIIISSSZJCCCHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”
It seemed Beau’s nose had been determined to be as ungovernable as possible that evening; the steel doors that Breezy Acres had employed in containing particularly volatile guests exploded from their hinges and shot like arrows across the entryway. They buried themselves in the adjacent wall, half crumpling on impact from the force.
The technician turned towards the hallway they had just escaped from with a look of disbelief. Never before in the years they had worked there had they seen eruptions of that magnitude. Their mind flooded with questions; What could have caused such a calamitous fit? Was this normal for him? Was the equipment salvageable?
Their thoughts were on a runaway track without their say-so until they were interrupted by Ozias’s jolly laughter.
“My darling storm cloud really is something, huh?”
The technician nodded dumbly, unable to find adequate words for a response.
“Here, for your troubles.” It took their mind a moment to grasp what exactly was happening as Ozias shoved a wad of cash into their hands.
“Feel free to send me an invoice for the repairs!” He said with grandiose flair as he collected his fiancé. The couple left shortly thereafter, chatting ecstatically about their remaining evening plans.