Don’t Raise A Girl (Avoir Une Fille Parody)
So looking it over, it isn’t really so much a parody as a “comic distillation of what actually happens re: Capulet’s POV,” but it counts, man, it counts (quarantine really is frying my brains as you can probably tell). Censorship asterisks because everything is funnier with them. Give a like if you like, reblog, etc.
Don’t Raise A Girl (Avoir Une Fille)
Don’t raise a girl It’ll really suck She’ll fall in love And you’ll be f*cked
‘Cause just heads up: The day will come When she will bang Your enemy’s son
You’ll throw a bash So that she could Meet a fine match Righteous and good
Of princely blood A pride, a joy But she’ll prefer The town’s f*ckboy Of course she would
You have to bide You know you should Still, homicide’s Looking real good
But since that’s illegal Here’s a new plan: What if you forced Your girl to wed A thirty-something-year-old man?
There’s some good news: The fuckboy is gone He’s killed your nephew Great, she’ll move on
So enter the one You’d like her to wed You’re pretty sure You prefer him instead At least not dead
But still she’s sad And still she cries All for that cad You think you know why
Why you have failed and she Thinks you’re mean ‘Cause simply put, She’s a horny sixteen
It’s not that hard To understand Still makes you sick Gives you the ick To see her die for any man
Not that all this Happened to me Just giving advice Nothing to see
But still heads up This will occur If you’ve the bad luck To raise a girl Don’t raise a girl
You will be f*cked