Jared Frio spots a flyer for a newly formed baby-daddy hiking group on the community bulletin board and, against all odds, finds himself on Mr. Thornton Wolff’s doorstep, his former landlord, for the meet up.
Before long, the two dads, the only men to show up, are hiking toward a nearby trail, each with a baby daughter strapped snugly to their backs.
“Who would’ve thought?” says Thornton. “Two dads. Two daughters.” Jared lets out an approving snicker.
Then...out of the clear blue sky, a cheerfully waving Cornelia Goth jogs past without breaking stride.
“Sul, Sul!”
Both men stop in their tracks. Neither says a word.
They simply watch her disappear, silently wondering whether she’d be mentioning this highly unexpected encounter back at Goth "Manor." After all, Jared and Thornton don’t exactly run in the same circles. Judging by the faint smirk on Cornelia’s face…Absolutely.
The hike continues until they reach a fork in the trail.
Instead of discussing which path to take, Jared points at baby Virginia Wolff’s gloriously bald little head.
“The sun’s going to roast her.” He gives Trinity’s covered head an approving pat. “A real dad plans ahead.”
Thornton doesn’t take the parenting critique lightly.
What should have been a discussion about hiking routes...
deteriorates into a full-blown argument over baby headwear. The babies, meanwhile, remain blissfully indifferent.
Eventually, the moment passes. Sensing calmer waters, Thornton chuckles. “Hey, wanna hear some gossip?”
Thornton quickly reveals that Lolita Goth had been spotted on a date. The man in question has a reputation as a deadbeat beach bum. An unfortunate pairing that practically begs for gossip.
Both men laugh uproariously for approximately three seconds.
Then Jared’s expression changes.
“…Hang on.”
The realization hits Thornton like a falling tree.
The “deadbeat beach bum” dating Lolita Goth…is Jared.
“You’d better watch your mouth, Wolff." Jared hisses through clenched teeth.
Thornton immediately backpedals,
“Hey calm down… I didn't mean...It's just gossip man...er...Jared.”
“That’s Mr. Deadbeat Beach Bum Jared Frio to you!”
A long silence follows.
Then Jared throws up a “Shaka, Brah”—his way of saying: We're still cool though, bro.
Thornton nods politely. Privately, he’s thinking, This guy’s an absolute nutter and deeply unpredictable.
“Hey I just remembered…” Thornton says, suddenly. “I have a very important meeting to attend.”
He turns abruptly on his heels and walks away. No see you later or a thanks for coming out. Not to be outdone, Jared also remembers he has important people to rescue at his lifeguard 'deadbeat beach bum' job, and he too abruptly walks away.
The father-daughter hike ended with two men who decided they’d seen and heard quite enough of each other. And somewhere out there, Cornelia Goth jogged home with the best story of the day, already preparing a version for her family that will only improve with the retelling.
