this is happening

seen from Germany

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seen from Germany
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this is happening
ok so…
i’ll just start from the top with high touch and the grp photo
when i tell you i was shitting myself with anxiety…….. we made line friends with a few people and we bonded over how anxious we were
it went by So fast but then again the whole thing felt crazy fast maybe bc we were waiting outside and inside for so long
but we were at the very front of the vip line which means we were first after vvip…. crazy. and i was like maybe the third person in the single file line but we walked in the theater and they were just lined up there and all i could think was “fuck fuck fuck fuck they don’t look real fuck fuck fuck” AND THEY DIDNT. THEY DONT. like it’s crazy they don’t look real they’re so gorgeous SUNGHO ESPECIALLY MY GOOOOOOD
but we went down the line giving each member a high five it was junji > taeyeob > wookjin ? > kyubin > sungho > yongsoo and for junji and taeyeob it was like a gentle high five but wook and kyubin Went for it like they fully high five you AND THEYRE SO TALL im short im barely 5’4 BUT THEYRE SO TALL
after we went down the line we circled back around to behind the chairs they were standing in front of for the grp photo and I WAS FUCKING RIGHT BEHIND YOOJUNG. and i was waving at all of them as they sat down and kyubin looks me dead in the face with his fake nose piercing and says “hey” with a smile as he sits down
GIRL.
LIKESHJDOFHHDBS WHAT STOP THAT
But i was too nervous to like tap yoojungs shoulder to do a heart or anything lmao so i just did a peace sign and stared at the back of his head like what is happening.
after we got out of snapshot me fern and one of the friends we made had a grp hug all on the verge of tears it was very sweet
then it was a bit more waiting and we filed back into the concert hall whatever you wanna call it and their performances were fucking amazingggggggggg
kyubin ripped open his shirt during asoiaf junji kissed rie on the cheek or the other way around it’s all a blur all i heard was the sound and saw junjis embarrassed face yoojung pretended to be santa claus but one of his mustache bits flew off they did a la la land bit that included sungho slapping kyubins ass as the percussion it was a fucking wild time
taeyeob was blowing kisses the whole time it was so sweet i love him🥹
OH MY GOD HOW DID I ALMOST FORGET during the la la land bit kyubin was asking the crowd if we’ve seen la la land and i put both thumbs up AND HE GAVE ME A THUMBS UP FUCKING BACK WHAT THE FUCK this man has me in a chokehold
but um yeah for encore they did asoiaf angel and onlyoneof you when i tell you i was so relieved they were doing onlyoneof you considering i spent like two hours labeling all the hearts yesterday with my mom
but during angel they had the whole crowd jump with them it was so cute 🥹🥹 i remember jumping and coming up in the air to see kyubin shaking his ass he’s wild i love him
my view wasn’t great but it wasn’t terrible i’m happy with it overall 🫶🫶
but yes i held up my heart during onlyoneof you and a few people around me did and i saw a bunch more throughout the crowd which really warmed my heart and i saw wookjin point at one and smile 🥹 which is gonna make me cry but my whole goal was to make them feel loved and i feel accomplished in that even if not every member saw them i’m glad at least one did
and for the photo after asoiaf before angel and ooo you i passed forward the flag as fast as i possibly could lmao and yongsoo was over by our side and he grabbed it 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 he put it around himself and wore it for one pic but then the staff grabbed all the flags and took two more pics without them 💔 but we did lion pose first then i love you pose with hand hearts and that’s the one that they posted on their story
after the concert they told people with snapshot to stay in the concert hall and premium was gonna go first and i was able to stay with a couple line friends but they had kyubin and i had yoojung so we had to split up for the night </3 but they were so so nice and one of them let us use her perfume so we didn’t smell for snapshots 😭😭
i anxiously got in line after taeyeob finished up premiums and there was one person in front of me screams and they had to change the film cartridge thing so they got a little extra time and i was just staring at the floor trying not to be awkward but then it was my turn and she (kelly unfortunately) asked what pose i wanted, i looked at the thing to be sure and told her the number, she told him the number he said hello! and i said hi! and we took the picture and our shoulders touched and i felt very ahdjroehhegkigbd about it yknow and he MADE EYE CONTACT which i’m afraid of but he’s so gorgeous oh my god… and so fucking tall i felt so short even in my tall shoes😭 but he made eye contact and said thank you for coming WHICH I WAS ABOUT TO SAY so i just said thank You for coming! and as i was walking (like two feet away) to get the polaroid from her he said have a good night! but it took me way too long to process he said that so i had to yell back you too!! and then i ran to fern and died a little while i waited for it develop but it’s so cute and i love him and i don’t believe it’s real it’s photoshop there’s no way tonight happened
The way you keep apologizing for past chapters and the *next* chapter creates a dim hope in my hollow heart that chapter 13 might actually include some healing or at least some semblance of comfort... Poor simple fool me, amirite?
I ummm….. I don’t really know what to say…..
My mom really wants me to get a cat because she thinks it will help with my anxiety…. She’s probably right but the thing is I can’t afford one because of my weed dependency that she doesn’t know about 🤡