hazel isn’t exactly thrilled about any of this. she doesn’t for a single second believe that her answers won’t be shared with the group as soon as she delivers them. why would the crew bother to have all of this footage made without using it for anything? yeah, no.
feeling pretty smart but also pretty annoyed with the whole thing (and really wishing she had a podium to speak from), she has already gone over the questions more than once in preparation. she’s not about to get herself in trouble if she can help it.
“so i have to answer these questions... and the producers said the very least i could do was livestream it so,” she gestures toward the camera, “let’s just phil defranco this so we can all go home and do something productive.”
“do i have to go in order?” hazel flips through her scattered notes, “i guess i don’t so, uh... okay first question, who would i consider my best friend.” she pauses for a carefully rehearsed amount of time, putting on her best pensive look. even though it’s a very easy answer, she can’t hurt anyone by announcing it too quickly. “i’m gonna have to say aylie. she’s the anna to my elsa, the elton to my bernie, the cosmo to my wanda. the kyle to my... me. she’s all of it,” she taps her chest over her heart. ”oh and we have one of those friendship necklaces, and it literally says ‘bffs’ so... i can’t argue with that.”
an irritated groan off-screen as her phone falls over from its stand, which is really just a stack of her roommate’s books and that cursed vhs tape that ivan sent her for christmas. hazel is not cut out to be an influencer, but she at least the manages to power through her distaste for the scenario and prop it back up.
“right, so next is, ‘what’s the number one thing you want to do at the resort?’, and... i don’t know,” she shrugs, not bothering to put any more thought into it than she already has. “i mean, it’s gonna be work and i’m gonna tolerate it because i’ll get paid. so... yay capitalism? don’t quote me on that out of context, thank you.”
kind of hoping to make people tune out so she doesn’t have to do the last two questions, hazel goes to fetch her turtle. “so this is garfield, and he’d really like to take over from here and just answer the next few..."
naturally, leo starts yelling at her in the live feed to answer the damn questions.
“okay, leo, just ruin garfield’s moment. fine. the next one is ‘if you had the chance to get back with your ex, would you?” she looks at the camera like she’s on the office and kind of feels like she is. “i want to know who approved these questions because this is private.
“so i'm assuming this is about ivan and not my 6th grade boyfriend... shoutout to roman,” she shoots the most awkward finger guns of her life at the camera. “i mean, we broke up for reasons. mostly stupid reasons but... it’s just hard to date someone who’s that wrong about the muppets.” her notebook script makes another brief apperance, mostly because she doesn’t want to look at the camera, “but ivan is still one of my favorite people and i’m really happy he’s in my life even if he took me to see cats, so...
“ok, no one cares about this, so i’m just gonna move on to the last question: who is the one person you would kick out from the sloth?” she holds the turtle up to her ear and nods like he’s telling her a deep secret, “– garfield agrees with me so unfortunately it’s unanimous: bye bye cleo. sad to see you go.”
and bye everyone else because that was her sock and hazel is a free elf.
