#socialawkwardness

[funnyfiasco]

i'm just giving you a character reference, no need to get defensive

[nerdygirl2888]

Social anxiety and quirks.

Raise your hand if you have strange social issues.

*Raises hand*

Great now that I have that out of the way. I can proceed.

All my life I have been an introvert. I have battled shyness and social awkwardness since I was a young child. I don’t like hugging unless I like you, and unless I enjoy your presence or friendship I can be chatty, if not I am closed off like a clam.

Some family say I am like my father who is quiet and awkward. Some will say I am the way I am because of what I’ve been through. All I know is that every day can be a battle.

Number 1

For a child of the 90′s who spent hours talking on the phone with her friends before the invention of msn in the early 2000′s.

I hate talking on the phone,

Correction.

I hate calling people who aren’t expecting my call. I have to make a dental appointment. nope sorry can’t do it without overthinking it and my heart racing. I have to pre-plan and rehearse my phone call to myself to prepare myself for it.

The hubs hate this one.

I will not call for pizza unless its last resort. I’ll order online before I call. I rather not eat pizza or anything at all... then to call and order.

Number 2

I simply cannot go into a store without other customers in it.

Example: I am browsing the mall and decide, hey I need some new work pants. Let’s go to this store... oh wait there is no other customer last which mean they will talk to me. Nevermind I will get pants another day.

Number 3

I will not ask for help.

I failed grade 3 math because I refused to ask for help. Now I believe this is because I was mocked for not understanding something which put me off forever asking for help in a learning setting.

Some of this goes hand in hand with rejection. I will not ask something for fear of being rejected in some form. I rather struggle than be rejected or mocked.

I will spend hours on youtube or google before I ask for help.

Number 4.

I have resting bitch voice.

Much like resting bitch face. I tend to sound more bitchy or rude than I intend to.

Okay that not a social quick or issue technically. But I live with it so I am adding it haha!

Those are three quirks I live with. Part 2 is how I actually deal and live with them while working in the real world of working retail and eight years of waitressing.

[basicscarfoutfit-blog]

me: hey i think i'm getting slightly less awkward! *interaction with pretty girl occurs* me: sike

[leximsiel]

Wisenising

(present continuous form of the fictional verb wisenise, “to make others wiser.”)

Assuming good intentions, we often like to offer our valuable advice based on personal experience (or wild imaginations) to the people around us, probably because it will, in our own opinion, make life easier for them. But looking up “unsolicited advice” and it won’t take you long to learn how many instead see it as a form of arrogance or superiority instead.

Reality, however, is that advice is always useless and pointless if it’s not taken on board. This is a category that unsolicited advice, including ‘mansplaining’ in popular culture, often fall into.

Here, unsolicited advice is defined as any type of advice, including suggestions with or without probing questions, that the receiver did not ask for.

Over the years, I have formed an anecdotal view that people with vague or poor social or personal boundaries may be more likely to find the concept of unsolicited advice difficult to accept, or simply overruled with the thought that it is right to always interfere in other people’s lives if they’re ‘wrong’ or not going about things in an ‘approved’ way.

Regrettably, this act of advice giving often is what degrades or ends friendships or valued connections.

We must comprehend that consent is necessary for advice to be offered and received.

[Imaginary page break]

Over time, I’ve worked out a mini social algorithm around when to give advice, or under what (exceptional) situations are unsolicited advice warranted.

Firstly, ask yourself, did the person come to you specifically for advice, i.e. they used a question asking for your valuable thoughts. If so, brilliant, still, don’t offer your first thoughts of advice straight away. Rather:

use probing questions to get a bigger picture of what’s going on and why advice may be needed

use more probing questions to gather what has the person explored already, including potential solutions - it’s always better if the person is able to come up with solutions themselves, or you taking a more passive role in helping to form a joint solution

If needed, clarify what type of advice it is that they want

Only then, do you offer your thoughts in a kind manner, and remember to be humble, that we do not truly share the person’s lived experience. If it’s not explicitly clear if they’re wanting advice or not, it never hurts to ask “would you like some thoughts about this” before babbling on. If you care enough, ask the person if they mind you checking in again with them at a later date.

Treat each time someone consent to receiving advice as a single-use ticket. Even in future check-ins, do not automatically offer any advice.

The rare exception to the above is when you strongly feel that without your intervention, that the person / other people around them / you will likely fall into physical danger. It’s a bit more fluid if the risk involved is psychological instead, so you’ll need to use your own judgement.

Often, people are only looking for somewhere to vent, feel seen, or validated. Unsolicited advice helps with none of those, and likely instead cause adverse effects. Demonstrate active listening skills, ask probing questions without any suggestions, and adopt a reflective or paraphrasing approach instead.

In many circumstances, apply the golden rule that no matter how valuable, magnificent, or “life changing” you feel about your advice, keep it to yourself! 

--------------------------------------------

Resources:

Personal experience within Swing Dancing communities (circa. 2018-2020)

How to tame your Advice Monster, TEDx by Michael Bungay Stanier (https://youtu.be/Kl0rmx7aa0w)

The Arrogance of Unsolicited Advice, Janani Srikanth via Medium (https://medium.com/@jananisrikanth/the-arrogance-of-unsolicited-advice-d889bc6c7346)

Reddit discussion:

“I Don't Know What Unsolicited Advice is, and at This Point I'm Too Afraid to Ask!” (https://www.reddit.com/r/AutismInWomen/comments/18l8kgy/)

[istyles]

Sorry I’m late; I was busy not wanting to come 😏

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[tiredofitallbutthegothamway]

I’m So Embarrassed, I Might Actually Die

Okay, so, let’s just get this out of the way right now. I am an idiot, and I’m so embarrassed I might just curl up and never leave my bed again.

We had this interactive event at school today, some dude talking about how to get a job or whatever (I wasn’t really paying attention, obviously). So, I had the brilliant idea to not sleep for a second last night. I thought, "Hey, I’ll just rest my head for a second during this guy's talk," and then—BOOM—I was out. Like, Tim Drake after one of his fights, I just passed out. Full blackout mode.

One second, the guy was talking, and the next thing I knew, he was packing up, and everyone was moving around. Thirty minutes had passed. Thirty minutes. I slept through most of the event. And I don’t know why I thought I could just get away with it, but I’m so embarrassed right now.

The worst part? One girl next to me noticed. She was the only one who saw me literally die of boredom and exhaustion and just zonk out in front of everyone. Everyone else didn’t seem to notice that I was gone for half the event, but she saw me—probably because I was snoring or something ridiculous. I feel like every time I think about it, my face is going to explode.

And here’s the most amazing part: This guy had the nerve to compliment me earlier! He was like, “Wow, you’re really good with words!” when we did this little role-play thing where we graded each other. I must’ve looked like I was actually paying attention, like I knew what I was doing—only for me to just completely fall asleep on him right after. It's like I went from “Hey, I got this!” to “Nope, I’m out” in like, two seconds.

Now we’ve still got two more hours with this guy, and I’m dying. I can barely keep my eyes open, but I’m also so mortified that I can’t focus. All I want to do is crawl under my desk and pretend I don’t exist. Seriously, I’m this close to just walking out and telling everyone I’m sick (even though the real reason is just pure, undiluted embarrassment).

So, yeah, that’s my life now. I’m the girl who fell asleep during a job seminar. I guess this is how I’ll be remembered. Forever. 🥴