#soffas

[neutrois]

I needed him to know that it affected me too. It’s a major plot twist in my life story. Coming out isn’t just about the LGBTQ person. Conversion therapy isn’t just for LGBTQ people. But, I always knew that however bad I had it, my brother had it worse.

Raising My Rainbow, “When My Brother Came Out”

[neutrois]

Not telling our parents absolutely everything is framed as a kind of dishonesty, but it doesn't have to be.

“Not telling our parents absolutely everything is framed as a kind of dishonesty, not only with your family, but also with yourself. But the ability to come out to one's parents is a privilege that many, particularly people of colour, don't always have because of cultural, religious, and familial barriers.”

[neutrois]

This is how it's done.

[neutrois]

My partner doesn't want his body. But I do.

[neutrois]

"I stand with you. I’m proud of you. You are brave. You are loved."

[neutrois]

Featured Voices: Husband and Wife

But what about those people behind the scenes, the ones who love us? And, what does it mean for her – for my wife – to be in love with someone who blurs the lines of gender?

[neutrois]

Featured Voices: SOFFAs

SOFFA = Significant Others, Friends, Family, Allies.

From personal friends to fellow bloggers to random strangers who sought fame and fortune by submitting a post to this humble blog, all the stories were overflowing with emotion.

Featured among the many voices were superstar partners supporting their loved one through surgery or illness, two loving mothers trying to make sense of their teenagers coming out as agender, and one seasoned mom looking back on her kid’s burgeoning genderqueerness. We also wrote about ourselves: understanding the questions our family and friends have during our transition, questioning what it means to be a good partner vs a bad partner, questioning our own self-worth in the eyes of a lover, and questioning what it means to love us.

5 Ways to Be a Superhero Supporter, by Yasi

Loving My Agender Child, by Libby

Welcome Moms and Dads! …And, Uh, Partners, by Paige Schilt

Growing Up Agender, by A Loving Mom

Husband and Wife, by Micah (Yours Truly)

Reflecting Gender, by AJ

We Aren’t the Only Ones Transitioning, by Cameron

In Dialogue, by K&H, queer couple

You Have a Gender Too, by Leah

Titanic, by Julie Tarney

Seriously, if you did not shed a tear with at least one of these, your heart is colder than mine.

So thank you to my personal friends, fellow bloggers, and random strangers. Thank you for believing that by sharing a very intimate piece of yourself, you can touch the lives of many others who are – like us, like me, like you – simple mortals trying to make sense of the wonders of gender.

[neutrois]

That girl with the clogs and the braid is still me. And I don’t think I’m betraying her or losing touch with her by feeling more comfortable flying my femme flag now. That’s the other important thing Adam’s transition taught me: identity is not static. There’s not one pure, true self that we are always becoming “more” of, and your past self doesn’t need to match up neatly with your present.

Leah redefined her own gender as her partner was transitioning (https://neutrois.me/2016/05/05/fv-you-have-a-gender-too/)