The chorus of voices quietened as the dark room was filled with the glow of the television. You were all lined up squished onto the sofa. With you in between Daniela and Lara, arguably the two most clingy individuals of the group.
You were sat feet up hugging your knees and fingers twiddling and tugging at the drawstrings of your hoodie, unable to hide your nervousness. You had already read some reviews as it was released early this morning but the day had been filled to the brim with rehearsals, as usual. But tomorrow was a rest day which meant you guys could stay up all night. A lot of the comments had revolved around you, how differently you had portrayed yourself here vs the survival show. Not that is was untrue, it had taken a lot of growth in confidence to get to where you are now. You just had no idea what content the programme contained, there were obviously some moments you'd like to keep private but that wasn't up to you.
You had been there since the beginning. At 17 you had flown on your own to LA, your parents were unable to take time off from work but with a lot of extra paperwork you were able to join the programme. You stayed with Megan and her mum, who was kind enough to be your temporary guardian, you'd be forever grateful to her. You don't know if you'd have survived living with the older girls, with so many people in that space studying would've been impossible. But you had managed to get your revision in and do the exams for your A-levels. It had meant you missed a few rehearsals but it all worked out in the end, passing with Bs for all subjects and you had made it into the group. Life couldn't have worked out any better.
----
"Y/N! What the hell, you can play the drums?!", Sophia screeched, scaring you, reaching over Dani to grab your arm. "How come I- we didn't know this information?", all the other girls were equally as shocked after watching part of your audition.
"Forgot", you said with a shrug of your shoulders, a smirk creeping onto your face. To be honest you thought that they had known.
She huffed and flopped back into the sofa with her arms crossed, making you chuckle to yourself. She was so easy to annoy, you loved it. You in particular managed to irk her more than the others as she prided herself in knowing everything about her members. It didn't help that you were so secretive so every new fact about you felt like a blow to her detective skills.
----
Episode after episode played with no sign of stopping until it finished. There were moments we all cringed at and there were the funny moments which had mainly Lara dying beside you. For instance Megan's face during an interview and your atrocious dancing in heels. Your face burning red as she stood up and mimicked the way you stumbled.
"Lara no. Stop that, sit back down", you muttered reaching for her arms to pull her back towards the sofa as the other girls burst out into laughter.
----
So far you had been quite quiet and reserved in the show. Not too far from the way you act now but it was obvious that this stemmed from fear, it was actually kind of unsettling to see yourself that way. The girls made the same comment.
You were the focus for this particular part of an episode so you could guess what was coming up. And there it was, you sat in front of Missy eyes darting around the room occasionally nodding your head as she spoke to you. She had pulled you aside after one of the progress inspections.
"Y/n you have no chance of being in this group if you let your nerves control you. I've seen you practice, you are able." She paused until you looked at her in the eye. "We've made the decision to remove you from practice until you're ready. Find your confidence, find the fear and separate them". It then switched to you sat crossed legged in an empty rehearsal room.
"Jeez that was dramatic", you muttered breaking the slight tension caused by the show.
"Yeah, they really do love to play things up", Manon added in agreement.
"I thought you had Covid and that was why they had given you a separate room to practice. But you was in there doing that?". Daniella said turning to you her voice sounding like she was on the verge of tears.
"It wasn't as bad as it looks, I was basically meditating for like 3 days", you said quickly trying to reassure her.
"Y/n-", you snapped your head the other way to see Megan on the edge of the sofa with tears streaming down her face. You knew that she had heard you crying through the walls during those particular nights, you hadn't spoken about it but now she knew why. In that moment it had felt like life or death and in a way it was, get confident or lose out on this opportunity.
"C'mon Megan no crying please. It's okay." you held onto her forearm squeezing and ruffled her hair just a little while she wiped away her tears. But then you heard more sniffles, it was like dominoes the way they set each other off causing Megan to cry even harder.
You quickly got up to get the box of tissues, dishing out tissues to each one of them. Then Megan stood up bringing you into a hug, you let her it's the least you could do. Your head tucked under hers as it turned into a group hug.
"Okay okay, let's have a break", you said squeezing yourself out of the hug after a few minutes. "Eat, get something to drink then maybe watch the rest. I'm going to go get more tissues".
----
You guys did end up watching the rest of the show after ordering some takeout. The survival part of it, where things were definitely dramatised, had you all muttering your annoyances until the very end.
The group fell asleep on the sofa that night after scrolling on your phones reading all the reviews and comments linked to the show.
