let’s talk lover.
(please reblog/tag tay so she can see this! i don’t need a notice i just want her to know she’s appreciated and helped me so much, if not please take time to read)
okay so lover is the one album and era that’s closest to my heart. i do love tay and it’s not just because it was the first one released after i became a swiftie, it’s for a multitude of reasons that i’ll share below.
so my grandfather passed away in july. in august, lover was released. august was the month of my big schoolbased exams, that would be my grades if i missed nationals. and there was a lot of crying involved. i just remember crying so much, before and after the exams because of flashbacks. and somehow afterglow just reminded me of death. and heaven. for whatever reason. so that was out of my playlist for a month and i just was really sad in general. it was very rough for me and at one point i think i just couldn’t handle it and threatened to cut my wrist if shit didn’t get better. i wrote “lover” in the font on my arm and cut a bit off the l and decided it wasn’t worth it. i was right.
the scar went away just before nationals. lover was the album for me. it just made me happy again. it made me love things again, and above all, gave me some hope to cling to. but during nationals, guess what? crap ensued. like i thought it would. right after my math exam, i felt really weak and just lay down. then at 8pm i had a high fever. i was panicking because between all the visits to the temple and social workers and all that i didn’t exactly have time to study. but i just said “hey google play taylor swift’s album lover” and things got better. i healed within a day. and i just studied my ass off on sunday. thank god i took the exam on monday, everything was fine from there, and i’m really grateful to taylor. she’s a pure angel.
i do have family issues and self-harming suicidal thoughts so i see a counsellor every week. it was really bad after my grandfather died i’d just go there and cry it out. it was devastating so my counsellor asked if i’d like to play music or anything, so i used to play lover all the time. it just made me happy, between all the calm, pastel tones and the soft songs it just made me soft. my life got a lot better, i did well for nationals (thank god) and everything’s worked out now!
taylor is an angel, and lover is the one album that’s closest to my heart. i feel so blessed to be part of the swiftie family, and have access to her music. it’s just a blessing for me, and i’m grateful for it. thank you @taylorswift and @taylornation for everything, and thank you to the amazing people who’ve welcomed me into the fandom. i felt like i could open up to you guys because this was a safe space for me to share my thoughts, and i hope i don’t get hate for it. i love myself much much more now and i feel so much happier. thank you, taylor allison swift, for everything.
stay safe guys.
xo, liv.
