#soisgentilleee

[soisgentilleee]

i love that the moon is meant to be looked at.

the sun doesn’t allow for that luxury, as it is supposed to warm the skin and the earth but not the eyes.

the moon is meant to warm the eyes and the soul with a deep nurturing touch.

being reminded of it’s ability to orbit around our earth with an air of protection and an eternal connection.

eternal devotion to lighting the night.

[soisgentilleee]

ೀ i’m just a girl who wants to dress like willow avalonೀ

[soisgentilleee]

♪ come to me - björk ♪

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[soisgentilleee]

as you age as a woman remember your value is what you decide it is.

your value is inherent.

you become richer in your experiences and knowledge.

age is a marker of life, of the fact that you have been carried into a new day.

people who deserve to be around your beauty are those who can’t wait to cherish your future smile lines, the growth, the changes that are inevitable.

those who feel warm with gratitude to be apart of your resilience and experience all of the truth that your life holds.

i was scared to turn 19 because i thought my value was in how young i could stay.

today is my birthday and i’m grateful to be 20 because i will not let myself deny the beauty of being granted another year to love and be loved.

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[soisgentilleee]

every room i go into starts to smell like vanilla caramel

cookie gourmand girl and that makes me happy

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[soisgentilleee]

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[soisgentilleee]

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[soisgentilleee]

ೀ learning to embrace what’s been encouraged to hide ೀ

wearing my natural hair is sometimes a heart wrenching experience.

reminding myself that it’s beautiful even when i feel upset that it’s not exactly how i’d like it to look.

the comparison and hair envy toward other hair types.

feeling inadequate.

none of it is true, yet i still have that burning feeling in my chest and tummy.

knowing my habit has been to try and change it, to turn the beautiful curls into something they are not.

i will continue challenging that notion because i know that comparison will get me no where.

i am not white.

i am mixed and i always will be, i am black.

i have 3c hair and it’s beautiful.

for so long i used to think long straight hair is the marker of femininity, and societally it has been viewed that way. however, even if others see my natural hair and don’t like it, at least i know i get to love it and what matters is my self concept and self love.

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a little side note that is a bit bothersome is when i see and hear people say “i feel blessed to have pin straight hair because i couldn’t handle coily or curly hair.”

hearing that as a black girl sometimes still makes me want to cry because what kind of comment is that?

there have been so many times i’ve cried because i felt i couldn’t even handle it, i wanted it to magically straighten and i felt so angry that my hair didn’t just take a few brush throughs so that i could leave the house in 10 minutes rather than an hour later.

and then going through my teens where i had small subconscious worries that if i started to date one day “would men like my natural hair or would they think it’s not pretty…?” “does that person even like black girls?”

it has hurt so much and i’ve been rebuilding this notion that the natural state of so many black women has been degraded to the point that i started getting relaxers at 3 years old.

hearing my father say that he doesn’t want to see a woman’s afro because it’s “too much for him” and suggesting she wears a head wrap if her hair isn’t styled.

dealing with all of this has come with so many tears but also a slow steady and heartbreaking acceptance of something i don’t want to push away anymore.

my hair is curly, and bouncy, and precious.

and i am so sorry for being so rough and angry with myself for something that isn’t bad. i want to rebuild with myself and i know it will take a little while longer for me to break down those walls of hurt and i’m happy and grateful to do so.