I'm Something to Regret
b.t.c: sophia laforteza x mateo castillo (oc)
synopsis: healthy relationships fight no matter how much they don't want to. sophia and mateo aren't safe from that fate.
notes: angst; arguing; both sophia and mateo are kinda dicks to each other in this; oc is transmasc; google translated spanish; mention of blood and brief unintentional self harm;
words: 2.7k
main | wosac smau | pt2
mateo was stressed, mateo was also overwhelmed. he was frustrated and overstimulated. he could tell that he was going to blow up at someone if they pushed the wrong buttons. so to calm himself down, the man was cooking, it wasn't anything fancy, just some homemade mac and cheese. sure it wasn't super notorious but he'd cut up some veggies and the girls would understand.
mateo glanced at the clock on the stove and ran his hand over his face. he wanted to out of this bad mood before the girls got home but he was sure that wasn't going to happen as the two girls were set to walk through the front door soon.
tala's incessant meows stole mateo's attention with a groan. he loved his cats dearly, he really did, today however he wished they could take care of themselves. he walked over to under the counter and grabbed their dinner, separating it up and placing it in each of their bowls. he pat the back of both backs of his cats, his fingers brushing the orange of apollo and tala's calico fur. then he heard sizzling and the smell of something burner hit his nose. "fuck." he muttered, getting up quickly, only to his head on the bottom of the counter of the island. he grabbed the back of his head while cursing and skooched back until he wasn't under the counter anymore. he stood up and moved around the island, barely pulling the pasta pot off the stove before it caused more problems.
"joder mi vida" mateo muttered rubbing the back of his head again. apollo hissed at tala who hissed back, the two of them arguing about who got to eat first. mateo sighed and grabbed a pop from the fridge, he opened it up and suddenly the hissing was louder and he could hear sharp nails against the hardwood. he placed the drink down and walked around the counter. "didn't get to take a sip." he hissed mostly to himself, picking both tala and apollo up from their stomachs. he checked the stove and confirmed dinner was ready and everything was off before taking the cats to seperate rooms. apollo to his and sophia's room and tala to yoonchae's.
after he'd brought each cat their food, and a new scratch from tala, mateo moved back to the kitchen. he was about to start serving when the front door opened. the puerto rican man stood up straighter and fixed his hair, pressing his nails into his palm to try and discourage the lingering frustration that's been building all evening.
yoonchae was through the door first, her rehearsal bag thrown over her left shoulder and her face too serious for what should have been a rehearsal cleaning up lines in their choreo. she took off her shoes and slipped into her slippers with practice ease before she even looked up. her eyes carried the sort of tiredness that mateo recognized in his own. they'd had a bad rehearsal. mateo crossed the room and opened his arms for a hug. he didn't think that yoonchae would want it, but the offer was always there for the younger girl, he wanted her to know that.
surprisingly the korean girl leaned in and let her head drop onto mateo's shoulder. "teo." she said softly, her voice radiating fatigue. "sophia had a bad rehearsal" she paused, seemingly soaking up mateo's warmth. "she got pissed at herself and snapped at megan and manon for trying to reduce the tension."
mateo nodded, taking her words into consideration. "okay, why don't you go grab an overnight bag and stay at one of the others girls, i'll put dinner in something to go."
yoonchae nodded, finally pulling away from mateo. "thanks teo."
"of course." he moved towards the stove again. "oh, and just a warning, tala is in your room, she and apollo are on time outs."
yoonchae giggled and moved quicker towards her room to see tala. that cat was honestly more yoonchae's than it was sophia or mateo's.
speaking of his wonderful girlfriend, she had finally stepped through the front door. when mateo turned to greet her, the first thing he noticed is that her soft brown eyes no longer held any of their normal warmth. then he noticed how she kept picking at the hem of her (his) sweater sleeve and how her face scrunched into a glare at her shoes.
"amor?" mateo tired, his voice soft and calm. in hindsight, he probably shouldn't have approached his girlfriend, who was bad at processing her negative emotions, like she was something that was fragile. but mateo had never claimed to be smart, and he never would claim something so ridiculous.
as the sound of the normally endearing pet name reached sophia's ears, she snapped her head toward mateo, her face darkening. "what." it came out harsher than what sophia had meant it too and almost automatically her face softened. "sorry."
mateo gave her a small smile and swallowed the new sparks of anger settling in his stomach. now wasn't the time and sophia wasn't the cause of his frustrations. "it's okay. i made mac and cheese." he gave her a smile, moving towards the stove to make yoonchae's to go meal.
sophia placed her bag at the entrance of kitchen and walked over to mateo. her eyes scanned the scene in front of her a few times. "where's the veggies, or protein?" she asked, her voice again gaining the edge. this time though, she didn't realize that it had slipped in.
"it's a comfort meal," mateo started.
"we go on tour in just over a week mateo." sophia's voice was colder than mateo had ever heard directed at any of them. "we proper nutrition, not" she waved her hands at the mac and cheese. "this is." she continued.
mateo took a deep breath, trying to not fan the embers of anger sitting in his gut. "well then you can make your own food." his voice had dropped an octave, no longer holding it's usually warmth either.
just then, yoonchae rounds the corner and enters the kitchen, stopping when she notices how tense both pairs of shoulders are.
sophia looks away from the younger girl, taking her hair down from it's messy ponytail and then running her hands through her hair. mateo, instead made eye contact with yoonchae and shook his head. the girl deserved to know what was happening in her house. yoonchae deflated slightly but nodded in understanding. "megan should be here in 5 minutes." she muttered, sitting down on the island bar stools.
sophia looks over, the question on the tip of her tongue obvious. mateo spoke up, if sophia was going to be mad at someone might as well only be him. "i thought the two of us could have a night to ourselves." he didn't mention the anger that chip had mentioned just 10 minutes before. "it would be good for us to relax." he tried, but almost immediately after the words came out of his mouth, he knew they were not the right response.
sophia's eyes narrowed in on him. "since when did you get to make those decisions."
yoonchae started to speak up but mateo shook his head, before passing her two portions of dinner. "one is for you, the other is for megan, since sophia doesn't want it. go wait outside okay kid?" normally chip would have complained about being called kid, she was 18 for fucks sake, but something about the way mateo's jaw clenched and unclenched every minute or so made her think against it. the younger girl grabbed the two packaged meals and walked out of the kitchen with a small thank you.
sophia and mateo sat in silence, mateo serving himself food and sophia brewing in anger, until they'd heard the front door click shut and lock of course.
"you don't get to tell my members what to do." sophia said in a deadpan tone of voice.
"i offered, she mentioned that you were angry so i suggested that she go stay at another girls place." mateo tried to explain, gripping the counter tightly.
"are you suggesting that i can't control my emotions." sophia asked and the tone was back.
"you know that's" mateo started.
only for sophia to cut him off. "because i can. oh, and giving my members food that won't have any benefit for them. you're really going 2 for 2 today."
the implication that mateo didn't care for the other kats hit mateo square in his chest. it was the fuel that was needed to feed the anger that'd been brewing. "fix your attitude." he said harshly.
sophia scoffs. "fuck that." mateo tried to take another breath, tries to step away but sophia keeps going. mateo recognizes that she was just getting out, that he was the unfortunate victim; logically he knew that sophia didn't mean any of the bullshit she was spewing. unfortunately that doesn't matter in times like this. "it's like you don't care about the success of me or the girls."
all of mateo's body froze, his eyebrows knit together and his jaw didn't unclench. he didn't even wince when his nails broke skin, didn't even notice the slow trickle of his blood down his hand. "really, sophia? really? because i remember waking up at 4:30 am to get you and yoonchae to early rehearsals. did that just slip your mind. or maybe the days i've spent recently cooking homemade lunches that hit all of those oh so important nutrient lists. you don't think i care about your success?" he turned around, moving the now empty pan to the sink as he does so. it made a loud clanking noise. "crazy idea!" he said sarcastically, as he turned back around to face the filipina. "maybe, just maybe, i care about my girlfriend's mental state more than i care about a tour that starts in over a week." he through his hands up. "who cares about that though right, partners aren't supposed to be each others rocks. you're definitely not supposed to have my back." by the time he was finished, mateo was panting and practically hissing at sophia.
sophia flinched, her gaze somehow tightening more. "you don't get to suggest that i don't have your back." sophia said it with a scoff.
"oh but you get to suggest that i don't care about you, who is the love of my life by the way," he pokes her collarbone. "or my best friends who i went through the most traumatizing part of my life with?" the sarcasm drips from his voice. he could hear his voice getting louder but the puerto rican man couldn't care any less at this moment. for once, he wouldn't let sophia talk louder than him.
sophia stepped back, her eyes widened. "we both know that's not what i meant." her voice raised in accordance to mateo's.
"do we?" he said sarcastically, "cuz that's what you said." he tried to step closer but sophia pushed him back. he didn't fight it. let himself tumble backwards.
"you always do this." sophia starts, tears starting to collect just inside her eye lids. "twist my words."
"not much twisting to do if you just straight up say so." mateo throws back at her.
"maybe i'm just pointing out the hypocrisy." sophia hissed.
"what does that mean." mateo snarled.
"you left for a year mateo, didn't even care enough to reach out, we're even lucky that dani found you." sophia pointed out. mateo opened his mouth to speak but sophia held a hand up to silence him. "you come back with some bullshit song about loving me."
mateo's eyes finally dropped from hers and he pressed his nails into his palm even more. "you don't mean that." he tried.
but sophia kept going. "you think learning tagalog would fix the year of painful silence? have you ever stopped to maybe think of how that would have effected me, stopped to think about how i needed you during dream academy and you abandoned me?"
all of mateo's rage withered away, as if sophia had grabbed a bucket of water and splashed it onto him. "sophia.." he tried again.
"god, it's like you don't actually like me." mateo's heart breaks, not in a clean split, but like the cracks just keep going. he could vaguely hear sophia starting her next sentence only for her voice to die off. not because mateo stopped listening but rather because sophia finally realized what she'd actually said. he can see sophia's face crumple. "mateo.." she starts but he's already moving. he places his food in a tupperware container and places it on the island.
his next stop is down the hallway to the main bedroom, his and sophia's room. on the way, he opened the door to yoonchae and tala came running out. he heard sophia gasp and what he could assume was jump over tala.
once he opened the door to the master room, apollo copied his litte sister almost perfectly, also almost taking the filipina out. if mateo had been a better mood or actually mentally there, he probably would have laughed.
he moved to their closet and grabbed his duffle bag, he started to shove his shirts and a sweater into the duffle bag, then he side stepped sophia to grab his pants and other necessary clothing pieces.
"mahal, please." sophia grabbed his bicep, gripping it as tightly as she could without hurting. that's when she noticed the small amount of blood on his wrist. "mahal, your wrist." her voice was so soft, mateo almost forgot that she'd been suggesting that she didn't love him back or that he didn't love her. she tugged his wrist towards her and forces his hand open to look at the damage. "amor, you pierced your skin, we have to get a bandaid on this." she whispered but mateo wasn't paying her any more attention.
he brushed passed sophia and out of the master bedroom and into the on suite. he was quick to collect his toiletries, stopping briefly to put a bandage over the injuries on his palm.
sophia tried again, planting herself in the doorway. "mahal, please. i didn't mean it."
"it sounded like you had were getting some truths off your chest." mateo said coldly, placing his toiletries bag in his duffle bag. "i'm going to stay at karlee's for a few days." sophia shook her head. " neither of the cats are on medication at the moment, they've been fighting over food recently so if you could put tala in chips room for dinner and apollo in ours." he continues to explain, making sure to keep his eyes away from sophia's form completely while pushing past her.
sophia sniffled and brushed the tears from her face. "mateo you know i love you."
the man stopped in the middle of the hallway. "i'm mad, you're mad. we are only going to make things worse, i'll be back on sunday, after you've had a rest day." mateo tried to make his voice sound as final as he could but his voice cracked in the middle.
"no... no, mateo castillo, you need to understand that i didn't mean any of it. i love you."
mateo walked past the kitchen grabbing his mac and cheese as he walked. momentarily his eyes caught sight of the drink he'd opened 30 minutes ago, still sitting on the counter unsipped. he threw his duffle bag over his shoulder and slipped his shoes on. finally he grabbed his keys. "i promise i'll be back on sunday when we can have a mature conversation."
"mateo.." sophia tried once more, only to stop when mateo shook his head.
"sophia, please." there was a desperation in his voice. one that sophia hadn't heard before. she slumped in on herself. she watched as mateo pulled the front door open and mateo stepped out, he closed it behind him without saying anything.
sophia doesn't recognize much, she thinks that tala and apollo sit beside her after she falls to the ground. at some point both lara and dani are carrying her to the couch, but she doesn't know how they knew that she needed them.
sophia doesn't remember much of what happened that man. her mind kept replaying the way he'd crumpled under the implication that she didn't love him.
note: blame @actuallyeyekonic and @kams-corner :) also does anyone want to be on a mateo taglist?