#soleilwrites

[unxr0rdinary]

You promised me the world, so i gave you a galaxy.

My passion burned to fuel the stars, and loyalty created the milkyway.

I loved you as you were; every minute, of every second of everyday.

Yet you still chose to curse the stars, and throw it all away.

The stars never aligned for me, so i took in your pain and tried to take it all away.

But too much pressure created an anxiety within my harmonious pain, then in which grew a black hole; and then i knew id never be the same.

A kilanova in my name, and yet nobody cries for me.

I lost everything and you only lost me, we are simply just not the same.

I gave you light, and you cast upon me dark flame.

The fire burning within my heart fueled of the sun, is the only place i can put the blame.

Supernova within the plains, with end in sight for the weight in which i carry so much shame.

Shoulders heavy as i strain to find a sentiment of pride.

But my heart aches, and i tossed all logical thought aside.

Because with you, within the black hole of mental illness i couldnt hide. Within this heartache, and the loss of you; Darkness is where in which my heart shall reside.

[unxr0rdinary]

I’m comfortable In the stain that imprented into my brain , and all I feel is anger and disdain.

I love you with all of my whole heart and just as Halsey said; I never loved you, In vain.

[unxr0rdinary]

I am a loser, a loner.

A sleep all day, weep all night; stoner.

A fragile container, holding in fury and i cannot contain her.

Were friends, ride or die and then suddenly strangers.

I wrap myself in this heavy weight, warm in the disdain and comfortable in the hate.

[unxr0rdinary]

I’m there when you need me, but gone like the wind.

I’ll lay beside you while on the mend.

There to guide you and nurture hurt feelings.

But I never last till the end;

Not too loud, just simply soft spoken.

I’m here for you, and wish you happy healings.

Loud bright and bubbly, though I too; am broken.

I’ll lift you up so high, you lose sight of me.

Almost as if it was meant to happen naturally.

And I’ll be fine.

Because this is what happens every single time.

[unxr0rdinary]

Aspiring Alcoholic

Pour a glass and drink it down,

keep it going until the room spins around.

My thoughts are quiet, not one sound.

This is what my father taught me.

I drink and drink, so i cant think.

And then suddenly i'll feel fine.

The warm comfort of wine.

In those moments are the only times i understood

my fathers state of mind. If thats how you silence your thoughts...

i learned, thats how ill silence mine.

[unxr0rdinary]

I'll always remember.

It was that one night sometime in September.

In the middle of the night, till four or whatever.

We sat together for what felt like forever. I told you i loved you and them came the pressure, realizing that you were my treasure.

[unxr0rdinary]

Sometimes i wanted you to just hug me,

Because i needed it, too. But you turned up the tunes, and i locked myself in my room.

There was nothing i could do that could help you.

[unxr0rdinary]

There are times where i feel like i’ll never be able to be honest.

To be quite frank i think most of the time i keep my mind confined into something more modest. 

If i were to be honest, you would no longer wish to be here. Neither do i, its true; i fear. If i could disappear, from here, i would.

Id leave me if i could, but its just not possible. I’ll forever walk a path where i remain misunderstood.

Biting my tongue, and grinding my teeth.

My jaw aches at the way i bite down to protect the way your feeling.

Even if the way you treated me has left me reeling. 

But it’s okay, it comes with healing!

A door mat if you will, for the feeling of love, because i crave the thrill.

To be needed, and feel depleted without a thank you.

But if i were honest, rather than modest it would be clear, i fear.

That you never wanted me to be honest, you just wanted me to make you happy.

as promised.