Heaven Can Wait We’re Only Watching the Sky Ch.7
“Rocket!” Gamora’s voice lifted with surprised glee as the raccoonoid entered the cockpit late the next morning. “You look better,” his eyes were clear for once, tail chipper and his fur glossier then she’d seen it in a while. “Sleep well?” Rocket’s eyes narrowed, he only shrugged, climbing into the vacant co-pilot seat.
“Where we headed Quill?” He asked gruffly, peering at the codes on the data pad.
“Eight quadrant,” Earth, Gamora realized as soon as he said it. She sucked in her bottom lip, studying her own data pad. He’s going to try and get help. They talked about it last night, after Rocket’s howling had awoken them. Peter’s words still seized on her heart while she recalled the words he’d spoken as they lay in bed together.
“I couldn’t save my mom Gamora,” he’d whispered. “I couldn’t save Yondu,” she remembered the way he’s breath shuddered in the starlight, chest rippling with emotion. “I’m going to save Rocket.” It’s not about saving him, she knew it deep down and thus told him. But as usual, once Peter got an idea in his head, there was no talking him out of it. Not even she could do that. So now they were headed to the eight quadrant anyway, the only thing between Peter and a case of rabies is Rocket not finding out where we’re going. She thought, peering over the co-pilot chair to glance at whatever Rocket was scanning on his controls.
“Looks like she’s actually flyin’ on her own for once,” he smirked.
“Why do you sound so surprised?” Peter asked, grinning from ear to ear. “She’s a first-rate ship!”
“Tsch,” Rocket shrugged leaning back in his chair and watching as they coursed through the galaxy, the stars shimmered through the black sky.
“I am Groot!” Gamora turned at the words of the flora colossus,
“Higher!” Kraglin’s enthusiastic shouts rang through the ship. Gamora rolled her eyes, he’s probably swinging them around on his vines again, she mused. At least some things haven’t changed. Rocket grumbled, climbing down from his seat and she reached out an automatic hand as he slipped, falling to the floor.
“Rock?!” Peter turned his eyes from the sky ahead,
“I’m fine,” he swatted Gamora’s hand away. Why don’t you just accept the help. You fool! I’m being a hypocrite. He carefully balanced on one knee, growling with effort as he pushed himself upward and stalked down the hall towards the laughs of Mantis, Kraglin and Groot. She watched him go, wondering if he really was in such pain, or was being dramatic. Either was probable with Rocket.
“See?” Peter switched the gears to auto-pilot. “Told you he’d get better.” She forced herself to smile, despite her better judgement. When did it switch from forcing a drawn face under Thanos to forcing smiles here? Nebula would be laughing at me, at that thought she could not hide her sad smile.
“He does look better,” Gamora agreed, I just hope it lasts. It wasn’t that she was a downer, or a doomsayer, far from it. But Gamora was nothing if not a realist. She was after Groot died, throughout their years together as a family, when Kraglin and Peter were grieving Yondu, and she was now, and she would be when Rocket was getting older.
“Your determined to go through with this then?” She asked skeptically. Peter nodded in earnest, coming up and kissing her cheek.
“It’s gonna be fine, I’m gonna radio Shuri tonight, see what she can do.”
“Rocket doesn’t want to do it,” she reminded him. Peter only shook his head, he pinched the bridge of his nose as he did when thinking, or nervous, or didn’t know what else to do. Quite cute, Gamora smirked.
“Rocket doesn’t know what he wants!” Peter’s one rose to the point of misdirected anger. Gamora shook her head, as usual she’d have to let him learn the hard way. Peter I know it’s out of love you want to help him…but the best we can do is just help him feel better and get better without putting him through unnecessary discomfort. Unnecessary discomfort like going to Wakanda to be poked and prodded. Gamora shuddered at the memories of Thanos’s own mercenaries, training her, modifying her arms and legs, they called it “enhancing.” Warm arms around her shoulders gently rocked her away from her nightmares as Peter hugged her awkwardly over the chair.
“We all get old Gams, I know that,” he whispered uncommonly softly in her ear. “I’m almost in my 40’s in earth ears. But Rocket…. it’s too fast. Something’s wrong with his cybernetics and if that’s the case the Shuri can help.” She nodded, immediate maintenance required continued to run through her mind.
---
Gamora watched Rocket at dinner, his paws trembling whilst his eyes flutered, trying to focus.
“I am Groot?” The flora colossus inquired gently. Rocket starred at the table,
“Huh wha? Oh, m’fine.” She looked at the large humanoid tree who met her gaze, both of them sharing trepidation. Beside her Drax only continued to eat his dinner, laughing at Mantis who had stuffed her face too full of rquat bread.
“This is mighty tasty Kraglin,” Rocket spoke through his clenched teeth. “Your getting’ better.” The ravager beamed, tearing into another piece of the orange spongy bread,
“Drax is teaching me!” Gamora felt her chest lighten at the sound of the raccoonoid’s raspy laughter. Maybe Peter’s right, she allowed herself to think. Maybe everything will be fine.
“We’ll have to refuel tomorrow,” Peter reminded them, taking Gamora’s dish after they’d finished eating. “We’ll stop on Raquet before we make the final jump to the eight quadrant. Rocket, are those thrusters going to be ready?” Rocket cleared his throat, swallowing and pounded a fist to his chest before answering,
“If she keeps flyin’ like this she’ll make it,” he responded nonchalant. “That broken compressor ain’t helpin’ things though,” he emphasized as he moved down from the table and out of the kitchen.
“Rocket,” Gamora called begrudgingly, “you left your dishes!” He only waved it away, disappearing into the long corridors of the ship. “Thank you, Groot,” she acknowledged, watching the flora colossus pick up his friend’s dish.
“I am Groot,” I don’t enjoy cleaning up after him all the time. He said, or at least that was the general sense Gamora could understand, …but we’ve all been cleaning up after him. We always clean up his mess. Over and over....because we love him. Gamora couldn’t disagree with that point but finished helping Groot and Peter clean.
“That’s the last of it,” Gamora congratulated them while Drax placed the last cup on the shelf.
“We’ll I am headed to bed,” Mantis piped, Gamora winced, taking a long breath as the empath gave her a kiss goodnight on the cheek. She danced around to Peter next, who giggled and then Drax who tried to conceal his smile and Groot. Lastly Mantis kissed Kraglin goodnight and Gamora watched him blush a rose red. If Rocket has been trying not to lash out, I should at least try not to snap at her, Gamora told herself in regard to Mantis.
“C’mon,” Peter took her hand and led her from the kitchen.
“Have fun!” Kraglin shouted,
“I wish you best of luck in your love making,” Drax put in with glee, making Gamora laugh with embaressment.
“How many times do I have to tell you guys, just because Gamroa and I sleep in the same bed doesn’t mean we’re doing it every night.” Peter turned around to face Kraglin and Drax, arm around Gamora’s shoulders.
“Exactly,” she emphasized calmly.
“We’re doing it almost every night.” She rolled her eyes, oh stars, Peter! The echoes of their laughter followed the pair until Peter slid their door shut, striding over to his data pad and plugging in the coordinates they had used to contact Shuri during the Infinity War. Gamora watched the black hologram screen against the wall. Don’t answer, just let it be. Don’t answer. Please, for both Peter and Rocket’s sakes. Don’t….
“Hello?” Shuri’s face filled the screen.
“Shuri! Long time no see! It’s Star-Lord!” Shuri’s brown’s knitted.
“You are not Tony Stark.”
“Yeah I know,” Peter ran a hand through his hair. “I said it’s me, Star Lord!” Shuri only cocked her head,
“Peter Quill,” Gamora put in. Shuri nodded,
“Oh yes! The strange space man with the old music.” Peter bit his lip, restraining whatever he was about to say. “What can I do for you?” Gamora opened her mouth to speak, but Peter beat her to it.
“You remember your other guardian, Rocket?”
“Yeah, the uhh, raccoon looking one?” She nodded, smiling.
“Oh yes! Rocket! What about him?” Peter glanced at Gamora, for permission. For you, she assured herself while she looked at him. Those eyes that laughed so easily though such heart. That heart that refused not to love. Even after everything he’d been through. Peter wanted to help Rocket despite Rocket’s protests for the same reason Groot tried to help Rocket. Love. Hard, calloused ‘whether you like it or not’ love. Love continues to infuriate me. She nodded to Peter to go ahead and he looked once more to Shuri.
“He’s…he’s in a bad way. We think he’s aging…. rapidly. Can’t see well, constantly shaking. Coughing black mucus from his mouth….” Gamora sat herself on their bed and put her head in her hands as she listened to Peter explain Rocket’s rapid deterioration.
“Send me some scans,” Shuri instructed. “I will look into it and see what I can do.”
“Thank you,” Gamora spoke, the own wavering of her voice surprising her. Maybe Peter’s right, maybe she really can help and we’ll turn this around. She imagined the thought, if only I could have helped Nebula….the stinging pain in her gut pricked at her. Nebula’s eyes as she ran for the mad titan, full of unbridled rage. Determination. Thanos’s sly grin, so assured. His gauntlet raised, Nebula unable to dodge in time.
“Nebula!!” Gamora herself lying there, useless, unable to move. Trapped, watching as the crazed man slammed her sister down into the ground…No…don’t think about that now. She shoved the image down.
“Thanks so much Shuri, we appreciate it.” Peter nodded to her as he turned off the hologram. He turned to Gamora, kissing her, flashing that smile that made her believe it would be alright.
“I’m gonna hack into Nova records and send her Rocket’s rap-sheet.” Gamora laughed,
“That should be no problem,” he grinned, running his hands over his small data bad.
BANG! “Fuck!” BANG, BANG! “Fuuuck!” What now? Peter turned sharply in the direction of the noise,
“No,” Gamora stood, “you send her the files. I’ll go check on him.”
“Let Groot check on him. He knows how to calm Rocket better than any of us.” Not sure that’s true anymore. And even if it’s true, doesn’t mean that should be his burden to bare. Without answering, she stood, exiting the room and bracing herself for whatever mood Rocket was in.
---
“Target practice?!” Gamora shouted, hands over her ears as Rocket blasted off rounds at the hologram targets.
“C’mon!” He shot off five more rounds, she looked at the target, a strange image of an alien she’d never seen before. Bullets bounced off the reinforced wall, the alien taunting Rocket as he misfired over and over. He stopped, cursing and banging his gun,
Click, click, “Flark it! FLARK IT!” He snarled, throwing his gun down, Gamora stepped aside as parts scattered across the floor.
“Target practice?” She repeated, Rocket glanced up, coughing.
“I can’t…..the target…I can’t….” He gestured to the alien hologram, and her throat caught. Not a single bullet made its mark. Her heart caught in her chest and she watched him disheartened, collapsing down next to his gun, reaching out and fiddling with it. She sat down across from him, watching him hover open the weapon.
"You missed again, hahahaah!!”
“Fuck you!” She flinched as Rocket threw a wrench at the hologram and punched it off. His body shook as he stared down at the weapon, palms empty on his knees. He looked at them as though they were foreign to him. I know that feeling, Gamora remembered checking over her latest implants after every procedure Thanos ordered. She watched him finally pick up a tweezer like instrument and lean forward over the cartridge of the gun, squinting.
“Rocket…” she realized, that’s not the trigger that’s the release valve! “Don’t! Rocket that’s not…”
“I know what I’m doing!” BAAAAM! Gamora whirled on instinct as years of training had been ingrained into her, jumping up as hot pain flared across her hands like flames. Smoke billowing up obscuring the two of them. Through the fog, Gamora kicked the gun out through the doorway and thrust herself against the door with her weight, shutting it closed.
“Rocket! Achk, achk, are you alright?”
“Ack, ahck, achk, Gams!” He wheezed, coming into view as the smoke began to dissipate. “I…it wasn’t…I…didn’t mean.”
“It’s alright,” she whispered though he shook his head, picking through his tools.
“I couldn’t see…” he whimpered, refusing to meet her eyes. His shaking hands reached for a small box of mechanical parts and began fiddling with them. “I…..I’m falling apart,” he admitted. Gamora felt her spine seem to melt, where is Groot when I need him? They sat in tense for silence for several minutes, she listened to Rocket’s labored breath as he tinkered away with his tools.
“…When Groot and I escaped Halfworld and destroyed everything, I found the files they kept,” he whispered. Gamora frowned, ringing her hands desperately seeking something else to concentrate them. “They wanted to create sentient creatures,” he smirked, looking at the mallet in his hand as he pounded it rhythmically into the strange metal box Gamora assumed was a bomb in progress. “…I didn’t need the notes to tell me,” he continued. “They figured out sentience had consequences. We became self-aware,” he looked at her then. Those eyes…cataract ridden but…deadly with the grin to match. Gamora moved a piece of hair behind her ear.
“Thanos made the same mistake,” she offered. “He wanted to rid Nebula and I of our own free will.” Rocket nodded,
“That he did.” He turned back to his work,
“….didn’t know it was called life.” Rocket murmured. “Didn’t know what the word meant. Didn’t know what death was either,” he sighed. Gamora could only listen. “ Going away, we called it. Cuz one minute there was someone in the cage next to you, bleeding or pissing or shitting, the next minute there wasn’t. They just went away.” Like Thanos’s camp, my other siblings he called them. They went away. Rocket ceased his hammering, “Life, death…I didn’t want to know about any of it,” his tail thrashed. “I didn’t want to have to know or think about it or fear it. Mortality, morality. What’re those?”
“Something we flirt with every day,” Gamora offered, trying to invoke Peter’s sense of humor as she sat across from him in the dimly lit room. Rocket met her eyes once more,
“Tsch,” he smirked. Good, it worked. He shook his head, looking at the far wall. “Halfworld was so fucked up. Once they realized we were aware of things, of ourselves they…they wanted sentience, but they didn’t want us to have free will. Wires, needles,” Gamora winced at each word, Thano’s himself sticking metal into my arm, trying to destroy my own mind. “They did everything they could to walk that thin fucking line.” He snarled, snatching up his tools once more. “Pretty soon I stopped being a…cough, cough, cough,…afraid I was gonna go away in there,” Stopped being afraid I was going to die in there, Gamora realized. “And started being a..afraid that I…that I wasn’t going to.”
“Rock,” Gamora reached out, touching his shoulder. He shrugged it off, shaking his head as he looked at the small bomb in progress.
“I’m not worried about it Gams. What they did to me on Halfworld, I was so close to dyin’ int there every flarking day.”
“You and me both,” she whispered. He nodded. “I sure am sorry I ain’t done none of it right,” he shook his head. She blinked as he started to laugh, “I sound like Yondu!”
“You do,” Gamora grinned, looking him over with mixed sorrow and joy. “And you are doing it right. Raising Groot, keeping this ship flying, all of it.” Rocket smiled, resuming his tinkering.
“Least I never trafficked kids, like Yondu. Sacrifice yourself everyone’ll forgive all the bad shit you did,” he whispered. “It’s the easy way out.”
“Guess you’re right,” Gamora observed seeing Rocket’s filmy red eyes narrow, trying to fight tears.
“Blue idiot….never really had to face what he did. At least he managed to make shit right with Peter before he kicked the bucket,” Rocket whispered. “He saved Pete, took me awhile to realize he saved me too,” His voice trailed off. “I just hopped I could change before I kicked it so I didn’t end up like that bastard,” he shrugged, eyes rimmed with tears.
“For what it’s worth Rock,” Gamora whispered, touching his shoulder once more. “I think Yondu would be proud of you. I…I’m proud of you,” she added awkwardly. She watched Rocket’s ears perked, looking up at her smiling.
“Of course.” She waited a few more minutes, watched as Rocket busied himself. He’s gonna regret saying all of that in the morning. Like a scab you ripped open. Like how I felt opening up to Peter, she recalled the first time she had wept over Nebula.
“Do you want me to get Groot?” She asked, standing.
“Nah, I don’t want to bother him.”
“You’re not bothering him,” she reassured though he didn’t look convinced. She wished him goodnight once more, gently shutting the door per his request.
---
“Did you send the scans to Shuri?” Gamora climbed into bed next to Peter, who’s eyes flitted open, cracking a smile as he saw her. She lay on her side next to him laying her head on his chest and allowing herself to relax as his large warm arms enveloped her.
“Yeah, I sent them. She said she received them and she’ll get in touch tomorrow.”
“And what do we do? What should we tell Groot if…” his lips cut her off. “Let’s not talk about Groot,” he kissed her again, “or Rocket, please? Just for one night? They’ll be fine.” He kissed her again on the lips then against her neck, laying his weight on her.
"What should we do then?” She wondered, a sly grin coming to her as she shifted underneath him. He reached over the bed for the remote and pressed play, (one of the many new technologies they’d acquired from their last trip to Terra.) The music churned around them and Gamora let herself be loved. Maybe Rocket isn’t the only one changing for the better. Not the only one learning, facing the consequences of what they’ve done. Not only only one trying to love and be loved.
