Pretending
As little kids we all played pretend. We pretended to be a firefighter, or a princess, or in some cases a Pokemon. As I look back at my past through pictures and what few memories I have left I wish once more for those care free days of running around and barking like a dog because I felt I was more animal than little girl. Where did those days go? And when did these days of pretending become my reality? Unlike those days of never ending playtime these days are filled with a different kind a play. A different kind of pretend. Instead of pretending to be a firefighter, the little boy pretends to be a top notch student for his parents while secretly skipping class to share a joint with his friends. And the little girl who used to play Princess? She's now pretending it doesn't rip a piece of her heart out when guy after guy uses her then leaves. We all pretend, me, you, that guy who you passed on the sidewalk without a backward glance. Every single one of us. I guess that's what makes us human. Or does it? People go to work pretending they give a shit about their jobs, they come home and pretend to give a shit about their families. Is that human? Is it human to have to pretend everything's okay when in reality it's all crashing down around you? Why do we pretend anyways? As kids we pretended because it brought us joys, we could be anything, we could have anything -the only limit to what we could do with our mind. Now what? pretending doesn't bring us joy, doesn't fulfill anything -unless you count fulfilling the feeling of disappointment that our lives are nothing like we hoped as children. Maybe that's why we pretend, we pretend because secretly we want that childish hope that everything will be perfect. It lets us forget for a time what our child selves never knew, nothing is perfect. If it was a perfect world, we wouldn't need to pretend. A wife wouldn't need to pretend she still loved a man she now hates. A man wouldn't need to pretend he wasn't ruining his life and that of his families with his gambling. An employee wouldn't need to pretend to be happy at work. A girl wouldn't need to pretend she cares about her life. A homeless man wouldn't need to pretend that his park bench is a king size bed under a roof.
Then again maybe we have just lost sight of what pretending is all about. Maybe we just need to remember why we ever stopped pretending in the first place. We pretended not because we needed to hide from the world but because we needed it to be bigger. Bigger than our reality, bigger so as to let our dreams take hold and flourish.