What’s Up Demons, It’s Ya Boys
For: somniiari
Author: Wife-of-Queen’s-Watchdog
Pairings/Character: Sebastian, OC, RC, implied Sebastian/Agni
Warnings: alcohol mention
Prompt: Modern AU Phantomhive twins as fake paranormal investigators, claiming their caretaker Sebastian is a demon.
Author’s Notes: My attempt to modernize these characters may have made them a bit OOC, and due to the fact that we still don’t know much about Real Ciel (including his name), I had to get a little creative. i hope this is still enjoyable! It was a lot of fun to write!
“Hey guys – bro, come get in the video! Hey guys, It’s the Phantomhive twins again, back with another paranormal investigation video for you!” Two boys, nearly identical in appearance, appear on shaky video footage. The clip was obviously filmed on somebody’s phone, and the less enthusiastic of the two boys was half cut out of the shot. “This video’s gonna be a really good one, because we’ve finally gotten the opportunity to investigate someone we’ve been meaning to catch for a while. Now, Mom and Dad went out to, uh…” The boy who had been talking to the camera frowned slightly and turned to his brother, who smiled at him expectantly. “Where did they say they were going?”
“They went with Aunt Francis and Uncle Alexis into London for the weekend. I’m pretty sure they told us that like three times…” Ciel shrugged and grinned cheekily at the camera again. “Well, the point is they left us with this guy Sebastian, and we’re confident that he’s a demon. Now, we-” “-You’re confident that he’s a demon, I’m not totally sold on that.” Ciel was cut off by his brother’s interjection, and turned to him again. “You said you agreed with me!” “I said that because you wouldn’t stop talking about it and I thought it would get you to be quiet.” The boy looked at the camera disdainfully. “It didn’t.” Ciel Phantomhive sighed and clamped his hand over the camera lens and the clip cut off.
The next shot was similar to the last one, except this time Ciel’s brother was wearing a pained smile and was rubbing his shoulder where he had apparently been punched in an attempt to get him to play along. “Anyways, like I was saying. We’ve got good reason to believe that this Sebastian guy’s a demon. Bro, read off the evidence!” The other boy stopped rubbing his arm and whipped out his phone, turning it to show an outdated looking webpage entitled, “Signs of a Demon in Disguise.” “First, we’ve got ‘Aversion to Spirituality.’” Ciel nodded. “We’ve still got to test that one actually. Read the next one!” “Uh… ‘Alcoholism or Drug abuse.’” Ciel’s eyes lit up. “Oh, oh! One time, after our parents got back from some trip they were on where Sebastian was watching us, they invited him to have some drinks with them, and he did!” “That doesn’t mean anything. He was probably just being polite. That doesn’t mean he’s an alcoholic.” “But it doesn’t mean he’s not! Next point, please.” There was a pause while the voice of reason sighed in exasperation, then the words, “Supernatural Knowledge.” “Okay, so there was that time when you were scared that there was a monster under the bed, and Sebastian didn’t even have to look under there and he knew that there wasn’t. And then he was like “monsters don’t hide under beds anymore. These days they tend to wait outside the window for someone to fall asleep and then they come inside.’” “Ciel, that was you, not me! You were the one who was scared of the monster! And he was just messing with you! He was joking- AAAAHHH!”
Both boys screamed as the door behind them flew open and a tall, unsettlingly handsome man stood in the doorway. He looked surprised at their reaction, but then smiled wryly in amusement. “Telling ghost stories, are we?” the man asked. The video footage became extremely blurry as the camera was hurriedly pulled behind Ciel Phantomhive’s back. “N-No! We were just… playing a game!” “What do you want, Sebastian?” the boys responded, speaking over each other. Sebastian, perplexed, paused for a second before saying, “I came to tell you the frozen pizzas are done.” The boys were silent. One of them began to say “thank you” as the footage cut off.
The footage picks up with a view of the underside of the dining table, shaking slightly as the camera was held in secret under the table. “What’s the matter with you two today? You’re usually more rambunctious than this. Especially you, Ciel.” Sebastian’s voice, polite yet amused. There’s a stuttering clunk as two plates are placed on the tabletop. “We’re just…tired. Are you not having any pizza, Sebastian?” One of the boys asked. “No, I don’t eat this type of thing. I don’t see how you people do, either.” A boy’s hushed voice can be heard whispering, “You people…?” and was cut off by the other boy’s hurried “Shhh!”
The video blurs as the camera is retrieved from under the table, and is reoriented towards Sebastian, who has his back turned to the table as he washes his hands in the sink. There’s a zoom in on a strange tattoo on his hand. Ciel reached over to nudge his brother, then points at the older man’s hand. “What is that?” Ciel whispers louder than he meant to on accident. “What’s what? My tattoo?” Sebastian asked, turning back to the boys and frowning slightly when he notices the phone trained towards him. “It’s a pentagram, specifically the one we use as the logo of the band I’m in. You could have just asked, you know. No need to gossip.” Sebastian wipes his hands on a dishrag and sits down across from the boys. “Neither of you have touched your pizza.” He leans forward, placing his chin in his hands. “Why do I get the feeling you’re deathly afraid of me?” The footage shakes as the phone is hurriedly removed, but stops at the sound of Sebastian’s voice. “No, no, keep it out! We’ll pretend this is an interview. You two can ask me any questions you like, and I’ll try to convince you that I’m mostly nonthreatening.” The two boys look at each other, before hesitantly saying “…okay,” in unison.
“What’s your opinion on alcohol?” Sebastian raises his eyebrows. “My opinion on…? Neutral, I suppose. That’s a strange question to ask. I was expecting something more along the lines of ‘what’s your favorite color?’” A pause. “Well, what is your favorite color?” Ciel asks. Sebastian gives a short laugh. “I don’t know how to describe it. It doesn’t have a name that you would understand.” The boys stare at Sebastian, who flashes brilliantly white teeth at them in a sort of half-smile. “Next question, if you please.” Ciel asks the next question. “What do you know about vampires?” The man thinks for a moment. “Can’t say I’ve ever met one personally. From what I’ve heard they’re delightful conversationalists, if a bit self-involved. Werewolves, on the other hand. Stupid, terribly smelly creatures. If you’ve met one you’ve met them all.” Both boys sit in shocked silence again. “You’re messing with us.” Sebastian only smiles.
Ciel’s brother finally pipes up. “What do you identify as religiously?” “Not applicable.” “Huh?” “I said, ‘not applicable.’ I’ve never given religion much thought. Don’t see a reason to. That’s an odd question as well.” Suddenly, Ciel hands his phone to his brother, and then runs into the next room, returning with a large book. He holds it out to Sebastian, who peers down his nose at it. “Do you know what this is?” Ciel asks. Sebastian frowns. “That’s the Bible. Why?” Ciel thrusts the book towards the man. “Take it.” Sebastian moves away from it, throwing up his hands, which are covered in tomato sauce. “Oh, no, I still have some pizza on my hands. Don’t want to ruin your parent’s book.” The boy holding the camera audibly gasps. “But you just washed your hands!” Sebastian, once again at the sink, turns to the boy and smiles brightly. “Must have missed a spot.” Ciel looks at his brother in alarm, and sits back down, still clutching the Bible tightly. “That’s really freaky.” The boy mouths silently. Sebastian chuckles, making both boys jump.
“I seem to have you boys convinced I’m some sort of monster. A being from another world, perhaps? Well, I can’t imagine what I could have done to put that thought into your little heads, but I’ll tell you this: My name is Sebastian Michealis, I have five beautiful cats, I enjoy cooking and experimenting with recipes, I can play three different instruments, and I have great respect for and other inclinations towards a wonderful, and might I add, highly religious man named Agni. If any of those facts about me seem particularly monstrous, I’ll have to admit that you’ve gotten me figured out, and for that I applaud you. If not, well, it seems I’m just one hell of an ordinary man.” The two boys glance at each other. “Point taken.”
The next shot is the same as the first, with the two boys standing in a bedroom. Ciel looks disappointed, the other boy looks smug, but they both appear a bit rattled. Ciel speaks first. “Hey guys. Uh, so we didn’t really prove anything like we wanted to. But, on the one hand, we did-“ “Bro, we didn’t accomplish anything. We’re not gonna post the video, so there’s no point in filming an outro.” Ciel sighs as he realizes his brother is right. The footage cuts off as the camera is suddenly powered down.
The final shot starts off dark, and just as it starts to seem like nothing else will happen, a single flame flickers to life. Its glow reveals that it is dancing on the fingertip of none other than Sebastian Michealis, smiling slyly. He bursts into a grin, and as this happens his eyes begin to glow red, as if they too are on fire. His hair blows around his face in an invisible wind, and his steadily widening smile gradually becomes pointed with shark-like teeth. The only audio is a crackling, howling sound, like a mix between a windstorm and television static. It increases in intensity as the flame grows brighter and the man on screen morphs into a monster, so slowly it isn’t noticeable as it’s changing, like the hands of a clock. Just as it can’t seem to continue any longer, there is the sound of a doorbell, and instantly Sebastian has returned to his human form, and the flame is extinguished. His surprise is replaced with a smirk, and he looks into the camera. “Parents are home.” His voice says, though his mouth doesn’t move. Footage cuts out. End of video.