It's insane how much one song can make me feel and remember. When I listen to songs older than the current year, I think about where I was when I heard it most. I remember how much I loved or hated it, and think how much I still do or maybe don't. I remember the relationships I had at the time, and the memories I made during that year.
One I've been thinking about lately, because i think of so much when I hear it, is "Superstar" by Lupe Fiasco ft Matt Santos. Boy does that bring me back. I was a freshman in high school, so 2007. By accident, I was placed in a Graphic Design class which had a prerequisite Art & Design class ahead of it. I was a freshman in my first semester, so I hadn't taken it.
I didn't know, no one realized, until my first day. There was a new counselor than the one who had made my schedule. They didn't really know what to do and they and the teacher said it was too late to move me, so I stayed.
It was so. Awkward. I already had poorly-treated anxiety - and freshman year was my scariest year - but in this class, it was worse. Most of my classmates were juniors or seniors, and wondered how the hell a freshmeat like me ended up in an advanced art class. I could never look them in the eye but, in my annoyingly quiet way, I explained it every time I was asked. They were never satisfied and usually ignored me afterward, the entire semester. I think they thought I had strings pulled or something.
They were such a stereotypically artsy crowd. The kind you see in movies, who are super snobby and serious and don't have patience for your shenanigans or mistakes. That was the case with this one girl, resting bitch-faced senior with long blonde hair who almost never looked up from her work and was extremely rude anytime i tried asking for her help.
Then there was the shenanigan-instigator, a cute Asian guy, senior also. In art classes, the teachers were super cool and either played their own music- my photography teacher was partial to 90s-era Outkast and The White Stripes - or let students play their own stuff through their own portable speakers.
This guy... he would play some songs over and over. He either loved them, or loved the reaction he got from the irritated blonde. Every time he powered up his speakers, she'd say, "Please don't play that song. You play it ALL the time." And he would, anyway.
One of those was "Superstar".
I fell in love with it. I think a little bit because the lyrics, intro violins and sexy guest vocals by Matt Santos just killed my throbbing teenage heart. Also I think because this senior loved it so it must be cool. Also probably because I got to hear it courtesy of this senior as an outsider, someone who shouldn't even be in their company.
When I hear that song, I get an anxious thrill. I feel a flood of warmth and feelings of youth and innocence - oh what a sweet summer child I was then - and remember what life was like when I didn't know graphic design and didn't hate it yet. I'm transported back to a time when I was still becoming me and it was exciting, and the future was still so far away and I didn't have to figure anything out for definite. Graduation was in another decade, for God's sake.
I feel so many good things listening to this song. I wonder if the Asian guy or blond even remember their music feud, or if I carry the memory alone? The mind is a crazy beautiful thing.
