Reality hit .
I didn’t know it get to this exact moment . Believing and feeling I was alone, thinking there wasn’t anyway out feeling so miserable inside. Trying to take the pain away for just one last time .
It’s your ordinary life everyone seem to think everything’s so peachy but behind the scene reality is far from what it seems to actually be.
Smoking & drinking to feel nothing but that warm tingly feeling; feeling of when I once was so happy & in Love .
You see when I had you nothing in the world could explain the love I felt for you . The bond between us two nobody could take away , you are the light to the darkest days but when daddy took you I just couldn’t , I lost myself that day.
I knew the day was soon to come
Seeing you look at me with those big beautiful brown eyes , I can feel it your lost with no directions you can easily point that finger on me .
when I was down you were the one to easily turn my frown upside down . When I needed someone to hug your little tiny arms were wide open & when I needed kisses your little lips were just kissing my cheek away. I shouldn’t have put so much weight on those small little shoulders I’m the one that suppose to be teaching you how to be happy in this crazy fucked up world.
Id swore to myself that I was always gonna protect you . When you needed me I’d be there . When there was nobody else left I’d still be here.
Things happened to fast one after another that mama forgot the reality to this world.
Felt like there wasn’t any reason to this world anymore . You so helpless didn’t know any of it, you were with daddy when mommy wasn’t feeling herself no more .
Sooo low sooo fucken low I got. I Forgot that I had you & more to look forward to. I love you and when you get big I hope you realize that those crazy months going back and forward from mom to dad wasn’t because i didn’t love you or because I didn’t want you .
I needed to fix myself and fix myself fast to be able to have YOU .