That post about Dean having an actual life at Sonny's is so good!!!!
And I'm also so super crazy about your Big Brother Sammy AU!!!
Might I ask, how do you envision Sam ending up at Sonny's? Does it play out the same in canon (as in losing the money in pool + stealing ingredients for pb&j), or would Sam had done something else to end up there?
The biggest question is, would Sam had chosen to stay at Sonny's if given the chance?
(My friends and I have been arguing about this what-if and as much as I love Sam, I definitely think he would have accepted the offer (not easily ofc) and especially if he was saving up for Stanford like on canon)
hi, anon!!
OOOH!! this is so tough to say!! [here's the link to the sonny post, if anyone's interested!]
i honestly don't think sam would end up at sonny's, or if he did, it would be for something completely different. i think big brother sammy would be pretty meticulous about their money, and wouldn't usually let dean have access to any of it, lol! i could still see little brother dean stealing something bc big brother won't let him have access to funds, and getting caught/sent to sonny's, but i don't think sam would, somehow.
i think in a situation where sam is solely responsible for their finances when dad is away, sam would be a lot more strict/planning with their limited resources. only if they were down to money they couldn't live on and sam needed to make more could i see him betting it in a card game.
however, i LOVE the idea of big brother sam still ending up at sonny's, because i think it would be even more agonizing for him.
sam is very resentful of the life, and having to grow up too quickly, so i can only imagine how this is compounded by being second parent to his little brother. he fucking adores dean, lives and breathes him, don't get me wrong, but i think this is definitely ammo in his disgust with his dad/hunting.
and now, being forced away from dean with no way back to him for the next little bit, sam gets a slice of exactly what he's always wanted: a simple, easy, normal life.
sonny treats him like an adult, which sam appreciates, but not in a way that gives him more responsibility than appropriate. when sonny sits him down when sam first gets there and tells him he's going to have to earn his keep, sam's heart sinks because oh fuck, what is this guy expecting him to do?
and sonny tells him that all the boys take turns cleaning the bathroom and taking out the trash and sam just kind of blinks at him like 'okay but what else'??
sam goes to school. he makes friends. he joins a club. he LIKES it. he doesn't have to lie about where he came from or what he does or who his family is because as soon as he says he's staying at sonny's, people usually stop asking questions because they don't want to be dicks about it.
he joins mathletes and quizbowl and anything else he can get his hands on. he's barely at sonny's except to sleep because his day is so full.
on weekends, he helps out at the farm, and the other younger boys there adore him. they love to jump on sam and hang off his arms because even at sixteen he's tall. he's used to working hard so if someone is struggling with some of the farm work, sam'll go out of his way to help.
he doesn't let the rougher kids push him around either, although sam's one of the oldest kids there as it is.
on weeknights, there's a line out of sam's door for homework help, and his roommates hate him a little because their room is now The Homework Room and kids sprawl all over the ground while they furiously write long-division or break the spines on much ado about nothing.
and sam can throw a knife at a bullseye at a terrifying distance. so yeah. he gets along great with everyone there.
it's amazing. it's everything sam's ever wanted.
it's...almost everything sam's ever wanted.
he worries about dean, off and on. if we're saying that sam was also sixteen when he ends up at sonny's, dean is twelve and definitely being taken on hunts.
dean always gets on dad's case about being invited on more hunts, so he's probably having a good time, but sam still worries. their life is a dangerous one.
he wishes he could just talk to dean for a minute, and one time finds what could be a case online during his library period. he searches for motels in the area, picks the one he thinks john would pick, and calls reception asking for a room with an older man and a twelve-year-old. the receptionist hangs up on him. sam, for the first time in months, has to swallow hard to keep from crying.
and, of course, john shows up.
night of the school dance. sam's stomach sinks into the bottom of his shoes. he has a math test on tuesday, his tie is squeezing his throat, his mathlete ribbon moves gently under the breeze of the fan, and his little brother is leaning out of the backseat of their dad's car in front of sonny's house.
dean is fiddling with his plastic toy soldiers. despite the fact that 'they're totally for babies,' sam can see dean's cheeks puff out as he makes little sound effects.
the sleeves of his shirt are unbuttoned, and his hair is askew, and sam can see his freckles from here. he looks somehow younger than he was when sam left.
sam's guidance counsellor tells him that he has a real shot at making it into a big-name school. anywhere sam wants to go.
sam wants to stay. he's never wanted anything as badly as he wants to tell dad to fuck off and go to the dance with a pretty girl and finish sophomore year and take the PSAT and worry about pre-calc.
sonny can practically see the agonizing knots sam is twisting himself into as he stands there at the window, can feel the desperation rolling off of him in waves.
sam can feel dread down to his toes. he knows what he's going to pick, but he can't believe he's being asked to.
sam is sixteen.
and that's his little brother, downstairs. the little brother that would wake up with screaming nightmares and only calm down if sam crawled into bed with him, told him that everything would be okay. that's his baby brother, for whom sam spent hours and hours and hours in the library for looking up nutrition for toddlers. that's his baby brother, that laughs at cartoons and crinkles his nose when he's mad and looks at sam like he hung the goddamn moon.
sam's grades are fantastic at any school. he has a shot of getting into schools as he is now, even though his transcript is a mess. his list of extracurriculars is impressive. his essays are impeccable.
sam doesn't need this place to get into college.
but he does need.
he shakes sonny's hand. he hates every second of packing, despite spending most of his life doing so. every step down the hallway feels like stones sinking in his gut. he has the horrible, crippling feeling hit him that this is a mistake, that leaving is the worst mistake he's ever made. it screams across his skin as he steps outside and john is standing in front of the car. he looks angry, still. at sam, for failing.
sam takes a step back. sonny is still at his back, a hand on his shoulder. sam can go back inside and forget this all, forget his dad and the life and every horrible thing he's ever put him through.
and then,
"sam?!"
dean wriggles out of the car, not even bothering to open the door, just launches himself out of the open window with a grin so wide that it splits his face. he stops next to dad, but bounces from foot to foot in barely contained excitement.
only when sam takes a step forward does dean launch himself at him, babbling at a mile a minute about how dumb sam was to get lost, how boring roadtrips are without his seat to kick, how lame school was without him in the same hallway. his hug is strangling, and even when he backs off after sam buries his face in his neck, he can't take his hands off of his big brother's shoulders, his bicep, his forearm.
he tries to play it off, play it down, but dean is glowing.
sam drapes an arm around dean's shoulders, and lets his warmth soak him through like a sponge.
~~~
it's SOOOO hard to say, anon!!!! i could genuinely see the temptation for sam to be AGONIZING!!!! but i don't think sam could leave dean at age twelve permanently.
in "bad boys," they play a LOT with sam's age...he's supposed to be twelve, but he's sized and playing with a plane like he's 6-8, which is very interesting to me. it could just be a mistake/casting a bit older for safety purposes, but i've always privately headcanoned that THAT'S how sam looks to dean.
that's his BABY BROTHER!!!!
i think the same would have to go for sam. this isn't sam putting college on hold to go back to the life. he already has been getting the grades and the record to be accepted into stanford with a FULL RIDE in canon, so i imagine any stopover at a place like sonny's wouldn't improve his transcripts too much.
i think sam, here, in this moment would compromise. but i do NOT think it would hold, and he would 100% still go to stanford when dean is a little older and sam is 18. i even think that this stint at sonny's would even increase the feelings of resentment and anger in sam, and it would make their fight even more explosive when sam finally does leave.
and i think this would hurt dean's feelings WAYYY more in s9 when sam's stint at sonny's is revealed. it's exposing all the ugly, tender abandonment issues dean has, the fact that sam almost chose to leave him even earlier, bc he doesn't know the only reason sam came back was because of him.
but i'm open to your thoughts, anon! i hope this was still fun and interesting to read, because i know i had SO MUCH FUN THINKING ABOUT THIS!!!! BIG BROTHER SAM RAHHHHH!!!!
i hope your week is lovely, anon! thanks for this ask, and for your patience in me answering!! <3333
-lizzy
[ageswap!verse masterlist here]
