#sophomoron

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Why is this happening Why is it so close to home

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I am very close to Baltimore physically and emotionally and I am scared out of my mind right now I don't even know what's actually happening and that's making it worse. I just know that the mayor is everything I want to be and people need to listen to her.

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uh I may or may not be rewatching The Breakfast Club in French and because of that I may or may not be having flashbacks to last semester when I had to watch movies in French and write about them in French for French class

French

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I have to write a paper for my human development class about my experiences in different life stages and how they affected my physical/cognitive/socioemotional development and like I’m tired of writing about how I moved to England and didn’t have any friends like I am so. tired. of it. Can I move on now? I’m seriously so bored of it but it’s the best example I have why is this a thing

[inverseofconverse]

So today kinda majorly sucked. I woke up late and was late to my first class where we talked about marriage, and in my second class we talked about peer pressure in adolescents and the effects (like suicide etc) and then I went to lunch in the union with people from Cru where I was pretty much ignored. When I decided to leave I came back to my room and watched some netflix and then went to my last class which was so boring and I checked my email on the way back and I got an email from a preorientation thing I applied to help out with and I didn't get it, but I was selected as one of four alternates so that was cool but I still didn't get the gig. I got back to my room and I was decompressing and I got another email around 6, this one from ASP. I also didn't get that job. I was really looking forward to venturing out and doing something new and different somewhere currently unfamiliar. But nope. No summer adventures in Appalachia for me, other than Hurley. I made peace with not having my usual glen mar summer. No mission trips, no vbs. No parties at Jacobs house or dinners, movies, and discussions. I made peace with that. I was ready and willing to venture out into the unknown waters of other summer activities. And then that newness was stripped away from me. I want to be mad but they were just doing their jobs hiring the best people that applied and I can't be mad they didn't pick me. I may be from the hoco suburbs but I'm not a spoiled brat that has a fit if I don't get what I want. I'm disappointed but it's not the end of the world. It's just not in gods plan for my summer this year. Hopefully that means there's something better out there for me May 19 - August 26.

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DO NOT TELL ME NOT TO WORRY ABOUT IT

I am part of the committee, I’m just promoting the event like I was told to, talking to the groups I’m involved in about signing up LIKE I WAS TOLD TO. Don’t just dismiss what I have to say because someone in your hierarchy decided to do sign ups a different way - a way I don’t even think is a thing. I’m just trying to promote an event I care about, don’t dismiss me and tell me not to worry about it. I want to understand what you’re trying to say, I want to understand what you’re telling me please at least TRY to explain what you’re talking about there are multiple ways of saying everything like come on. Don’t tell me not to worry about it when I’m trying to understand, I am part of the planning committee and I just want to know what you’re talking about don’t tell me to ignore it and carry on with my life. I genuinely don’t understand and I genuinely want to know. It’s really upsetting to me when others tell me not to worry about something I care about. It may not seem like it most of the time, but I really do care a lot about TBE and I want it to go well and I want my friends to sign up and have fun and get service hours for our organization so we can stay an organization. I don’t understand why you don’t care if I understand or not. And you left before I could ask you about it one on one, so we could avoid a possible public argument and so I had to ask other people for clarification AND THEY TOLD ME THE SAME THING TO JUST LET IT GO AND NOT WORRY ABOUT IT I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHATS GOING ON STOP MAKING ME FEEL LIKE AN OUTSIDER AND LIKE I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT like seriously not cool today and tonight was awesome until this happened and now I’m just upset and frustrated and I feel left out and I just want to hit the eject button from today because it’s bumming me out.

I thought I was making progress and removing the bricks from the walls but it’s like you just yelled at me for trying to be nice and I just want to put the wall back together now

[inverseofconverse]

For those curious about my last post, here's the sitch:

Last semester, my friend Kelly asked me if I wanted to live with her in TRun and I was like YES. All of my friends at school are better friends with someone else than they are with me so I jumped at the chance to live with someone I know and like. Over winter break, Kelly's best friend Raven posted on Faceboook that she was looking for a roommate/room for next year and the obvious choice was for her to live with us in a four person/two bedroom on campus apartment. That's great. It's good. We all started looking for another person to fill the last spot in the apartment and one day my best friend from elementary school messaged me and asked if I went to UMD or TU and I was like TU(tiger emoji) and we got to talking and she asked if I had a roommate for next year and I said that I have two but we need another person to fill our on campus apartment and so we texted a bit and then about a week ago she said that she was actually really interested in living with me because since she brought up that she and I might be roommates her mom won't let that idea go and she wont let her live by herself. So we talked some more and got to know eachother a little again and on Sunday I went to her house. I was there for almost four hours and I didn't want to leave but my mom called me and told me to come home before it gets dark (she doesn't like me driving in bad weather in the dark) and I was like okay because that's not an unreasonable request it was literally raining ice but yeah I emailed the housing and res life department last week to ask them about how it would work if a current student (me) wanted to live with a transfer student (Rachael) in on campus housing and they said they can't do anything until May 7th when transfer students can apply for housing, then they can see what they can do. So I sent the screenshot with that answer to Raven and Rachael and EVERYTHING IS SO COMPLICATED OH MY GOODNESS. 

all of this happened today, plus some other info:

Raven has a friend who signed a lease for an off-campus three-person apartment

Raven, her friend, and another friend were thinking of living there but it's too expensive for Raven (financial aid doesn't extend off campus)

I had an idea that Rachael and I could sublet the apartment from Raven's friend, and Raven and her two friends could live in TRun with Kelly

Raven didn't even think of that and is all for it. She's going to have the lease for me to look at on Thursday night at Cru (at this point in time)

I told Rachael about the apartment

She called her mom and her mom wants her to apply to live on campus and if she doesn't get on campus housing, because it's not guaranteed, she'll find something off campus but as close as possible. 

So my plan isn't going to work out for me or the girl with the lease because Rachael wants to try to live on campus

The question now is do I want to live on campus, and if so, where?

[inverseofconverse]

This is so complicated and frustrating and I'd be fine with waiting for you to find out about living on campus but the deposit deadline for ME living on campus is next week and I really do want to live with you on or off campus but I don't know if we'll be able to if you'd rather see about on campus first. And I respect that you want to wait and see but I'm stuck in limbo until I'm forced to make a decision. I always come up with plans like this that ideally end with everyone benefiting and getting what they want BUT THEY NEVER ACTUALLY WORK AND THIS ONE COULD BUT IT WON'T BECAUSE YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR OPTIONS OPEN AND I'M NOT EVEN MAD ABOUT THAT I'M JUST FRUSTRATED THAT I HAVE TO CONSCIOUSLY MAKE THE DECISION TO LIVE ON CAMPUS WITH ANOTHER RANDOM STRANGER WHEN I THOUGHT I FOR ONCE WAS GOING TO GET TO LIVE WITH A FRIEND. I'm not yelling I'm just for emphasis