@sorcerersxwidow || starter call
Shani closed the heavy book in front of her with a heavy thud, placed her elbows on the desk in front of her – inadvertently smudging some of her notes as the ink had not yet fully dried, rested her face in her hands and rubbed her tired eyes.
There were three more days until the exam, only three more days, and she had already reached the point where her brain felt stuffed to overflowing. Nothing stuck anymore. She had spent what felt like a lifetime revising the same concept, over and over – and yet, if anyone had asked her to explain it, she would have been able to produce no more than a shrug of the shoulders and a desperate little smile.
She needed a break, more than ever. Not for long, only an hour or two, some time outside of the library, just a little walk to stretch her legs – down to the harbour, to sit at the edge of one of the piers and let her bare feet dangle in the murky water while watching the sun set over the city of Oxenfurt. Or maybe just a stroll through the Academy’s gardens, immaculately maintained by the botanists and a joy to behold at this time of year, to sit herself down beneath the blooming cherry trees and simply do nothing for a while. It wasn’t as if she knew what doing nothing felt like, but the temptation to find out was growing more overwhelming by the minute.
The red haired girl nodded to herself, her narrow face set in grim determination as guilt already rose up inside of her, sickening, suffocating, relentless g u i l t.
I have to pass this, she thought. I simply have to. And I have to pass well, or else I’ll love my scholarship. They’ll send me home, and I’ll have to face everyone’s jeering and jibing and endless I-told-you-so’s.
“I have to pass,” she whispered to herself as she began to pack up her things, carelessly throwing her quill inside her satchel, rolling up her parchment, and finally tucking the heavy anatomical tome under her arm. “I have to pass, but I need to clear my mind first. Only for a little while. I’ll be back before too long, and I’ll get through the rest of this chapter tonight. And maybe the next one, too.”
Only half aware of the fact that she was thinking out loud – as if saying the words as opposed to thinking them somehow made them more of a commitment – she made her way through the library, dwarved by the heavy bookshelves that reached all the way up to the domed ceiling.
She had loved the library when she had first embarked upon her studies, the kind of love that grows stronger and more fierce with time, but lately, the place had begun to feel like a prison. She cast her gaze over the other ‘inmates’, some of whom she knew by name, some by sight, and some not at all, trying to locate the librarian on duty, to ask for the book to be placed on hold for a few hours until her return.
Unlike her classmates,most of them the offspring of families that were either renowned, wealthy, or both, she could not afford to purchase her own books, relying entirely upon the library for such needs.
She nodded to a group of young men who were sitting together, their quills scratching furiously, their heads barely turning as she passed, even though one of them waved meekly and another grunted in acknowledgement. Their faces much resembled her own, pale, tense, with dark circles beneath their red rimmed eyes and there was an almost tangible sense of panic about them.
They are tired from staying up all night drinking at the Alchemy, she thought, and now they have realised that they should have been studying instead.
She wanted to blame them, but found that she couldn’t – had she been in their position she would have done the same and chosen a night of revelry over one of scientific theory. If they failed, it did not matter, their parents would simply pay for them to repeat the year, and the only thing lost would be coin and a bit of pride. She envied them, yet at the same time she could not help but feel a sense of superiority. They might have had everything that she had ever dreamed of, but she could still beat them.
“I’m going out. I need break”, she mumbled as she passed them, not stopping to await their responses. Where was that cursed librarian?
She squinted into the gloom between the shelves, hoping to catch a glimpse of the fellow, and breathing a sigh of relief as she caught the sound of his voice just around a corner. She picked up her pace pressing the book tightly to her chest. Sure enough, there he was – apparently deeply engaged in conversation with a woman Shani could not remember ever seeing before. There was something foreign about her, about the way she dressed, about the way in which she wore her hair. She found her suspicions confirmed when the woman spoke, her words might have been unintelligible at this distance but her accent was Nilfgaardian beyond a doubt.
Shani hesitated, biting her lip as she watched the exchange through narrowed eyes, trying to gauge for just how long this conversation was like to last.
The librarian frowned, drawing himself up to his full height, which, even with his hat on, was far from impressive. This was an extraordinarily busy time for him, with exams just about to commence across a number of faculties, which meant that his library had become practically infested by students, some of which arrived at dawn, did not depart until long after dusk and left a trail of disorder in their wake in the process. And if that was not enough to cope with, here was this simply impossible woman who had walked into the library – his library – as if she owned half the place and now had the audacity to demand that he let her peruse the restricted collections at her leisure! What is the world coming to, he thought, attempting to take deep breaths and count to ten in an attempt to calm himself and failing miserably.
“Lady Crozier, I am unsure whether this is a matter of language barrier or whether you simply do not want to understand. The book you have requested is restricted and thus only accessible to students and faculty of this university. Rules are rules, I am afraid.”
