(A collection of short Nico centric fics based around lyrics or songs from Taylor Swifts Midnights)
Track 1. Lavender Haze
Word Count: 2021
Nico x Lewis // Nico x Webber // Nico x Schumi // Endgame Nico x Jenson
Summary: Nico’s thoughts on his relationships with Lewis, Mark and Schumi and how they shape his insecurities with Jenson.
18+
“The only kinda girl they see (Only kinda girl they see)
Is a one-night or a wife”
Lewis
Nico glances over at Lewis laid next to him. His eyes are closed and his breathing deep, face illuminated by the soft glow from the light of the bathroom where Nico has left the door slightly ajar. Lewis hates leaving the light on so Nico always waits until he’s asleep before he sneaks out of bed to flick it on.
Looking at Lewis now he feels like he’s slipping away from him, even here, with just a few inches of space between them. It had started when they were holidaying together during summer, and had progressed into this. They don’t talk about it. They don't define it. They’re best friends. They sleep in the same bed more times than they can keep count. Nico knows what Lewis looks like when he comes.
Now, they’re also both in F1, something they’d dreamed about doing together.
So why does he feel so far apart from him right now?
Part of him thinks it's his own insecurities. He know’s hes a lot sometimes. He knows no matter how much he can't change the fact he grew up with the privilege he has, Lewis will always hold it against him somehow. He knows the pressure Lewis is under and the public spotlight. He knows he can’t expect Lewis to give him everything all the time.
He knows he’s too needy.
The other part of him, as he looks at the gentle rise and fall of Lewis’ chest, thinks he’s not imagining it at all.
It’s easier though, to blame himself instead of Lewis.
~
He wants to bring it up, he needs to bring it up, but Lewis is pushing him against the wall and grabbing his ass and he lets it happen. He’s more than happy to have his attention again and to slip into the old routine.
It’s only gotten worse though. Lewis is more distant now. He doesn’t confide in Nico, hardly ever answering his messages, always having excuses for not wanting to hang out. He’s competing for a championship, sure, but this feels different.
“I want to fuck you so bad.” Lewis says, and where Nico would normally find satisfaction he feels cold. The tone of Lewis’ voice sounds so final, like this is all or nothing, the last hurrah.
Panicking, Nico gives him everything, he opens himself up to Lewis and lets him take take take until he’s nearly in tears, lying there with his own come on his chest and Lewis still fucking into him even though it’s too much, letting him have this. He needs so badly to be perfect, the perfect model of a boyfriend so Lewis won’t leave, so he will look at him and think about a future together.
It’s only after, when they’re laying there, when Lewis hasn't gotten up to fetch a damp cloth like he usually does, that Nico brings it up.
“So Nicole?”
It’s terrible timing. It’s awful, actually. Nico wants to take the words back almost immediately.
Lewis doesn’t look at him.
“Yeah, Nicole.” He takes a beat. “We're going exclusive.”
Even though he knew it was coming, the words still hit him like a cold block of ice.
“Oh.” He says, hating how choked up he sounds. Hating how, despite never talking about it, he thought that they were exclusive too.
Lewis looks over at him now and Nico wants to pull the covers over himself. He feels split open.
“This was fun Nico, but we always knew it would come to an end, right?”
Nico is acutely aware that he can't cry right now. He can’t cry when he’s laying here naked and exposed.
“But I thought..” He stops himself when he sees Lewis frown. He doesn’t need to embarrass himself any more than he has.
He thought he could be Lewis’ everything. That Lewis was his future, and he was Lewis’.
He doesn't quite know how to process the fact that they were on such different pages, that he was just a bit of fun. That all he was to Lewis was a placemaker.
“Right.” He confirms to Lewis, before getting up, and walking out to the bathroom, looking back to find Lewis smiling into his phone.
~
Webber
“That’s it Britney.”
He’s bent over his couch, legs spread as Mark pushes him down with light pressure on his back so his ass sticks up slightly, before smacking it.
He’s naked, but Mark’s still wearing his race suit rolled down to his hips, and Nico can feel the rough fabric against the backs of his legs where Mark presses into him.
Nico doesn’t really know what he’s doing here, all he knows is that Mark had made too many comments when they were teammates for it to have been just a joke, and he looks at Sebastian like he wants to fuck him so hard he can’t sit properly to race.
Lewis hasn’t talked to him properly in weeks and he just needs a rebound.
Mark had joked. Nico had responded for once, and now? Now Nico moans as Mark slips his fingers inside of him.
“Such a little slut aren’t you Nico?”
Nico doesn’t actually think he’s a slut at all. Mark is the only once since Lewis and before Lewis there was nothing. He wonders if everyone sees him like this. If they did, would he care? Maybe it would be nice to be a slut after all. Maybe it would be freeing. After all, Nico isn’t really the blonde German that Mark actually wants.
Mark fucks him a lot harder than Lewis ever had, and Nico tries not to cry as he hides his face in the cushions. Reaching down to play with Nico, Mark artfully edges him, using his body as a means to get off, pushing himself closer and closer until he finally makes Nico come, tightening around Mark’s cock hard enough to send him over the edge himself.
If being a slut is meant to be freeing, then why does his chest hurt when Mark walks away without looking back.
~
Michael
Look, he’s not stupid. Nico knows that whatever the hell Michael is doing is part of whatever fucked up mind games he has going on.
Still, when Michael tells him to get on his knees, and runs a hand through his long blonde hair, he lets Michael choke him on his cock every single time.
He’s getting better, he thinks, taking Michael further into his mouth this time. Both at the act, and with knowing and understanding that this is it. This is all people want him for.
It makes it easier, when Michael suddenly stops. When he acts like nothing has ever happened.
Even when he starts it up again, without warning or explanation, Nico adapts.
Out of everyone, it hurts least when Michael walks away for good.
~
Jenson
The first time they have sex, drunk fumbling hands and champagne lips, Nico has to look away. The way Jenson looks at him reminds him of how Lewis used to look at him. Or rather, how he’d wanted Lewis to look at him. It tugs at his chest in a way he hasn’t allowed himself to feel in a long while.
When morning comes, and Jenson isn’t beside him in bed, Nico feels the familiar jilt of sadness but he’s not surprised. He’s just one night Nico.
He is surprised, however, when he walks into his kitchen and sees Jenson raiding his fridge and throwing things into a pan.
“Mate, why is your fridge full of healthy shit?” Jenson says when he sees him, smiling gently at Nico’s sleepy confused look.
“Championship.” He mumbles warily, sitting down at the table and watching Jenson pour him a cup of coffee while he snorts at Nico.
“And what do you think I'm doing then?” He huffs out a laugh.
“Losing, because of bacon.”
Jenson laughs properly this time, the corners of his eyes crinkling in an infectious way that pulls at the corners of Nico’s mouth.
“And cake.” He adds.
It feels so natural with Jenson that it scares him. He thinks maybe he had this with Lewis at the start, but by the end, he was always so exhausted trying to be something he’s not even sure exists.
~
He keeps waiting for him to leave, for it to be too much for him, for Nico to be too much for him. Yet, most race weekends they end up tangled in each other's arms, Jenson pulling him close because despite his charming fuckboy persona, he clings to Nico in his sleep.
The sex is good. No, Nico admits to himself, the sex is probably the best sex he’s ever had in his life. Sure, it’s not as kinky as Schumacher, or as hard as Webber, but it feels so real, so much more real than Lewis. Jenson will look at him with something in his eyes that Nico can't quite place, but it makes him feel warm and fuzzy. He doesn’t feel the need to perform for Jenson, to be the one night stand or the perfect boyfriend, he doesn't feel like he needs to be anything but himself.
Which is why he’s so scared for the fall. Which is why he’s so hesitant to change anything.
I want to talk to you about something Jenson had said when he’d invited Nico over to his. They haven’t done this before, gone over to spend summer break with each other. During winter, they’d just messaged, or called, but never visited, which is why Nico spends the whole plane ride over to the UK a nervous wreck.
It’s been good, it's been so good. Nico doesn’t understand what more he could have done, why this keeps happening to him.
Jenson is a decent guy, he wouldn't break it off over the phone, but why has he got to be the one to fly over to another country to be broken up with. He reasons that he probably just wants one final fuck, like Lewis did. It makes Nico feel sick in a way that he never felt with Lewis.
Not that it’s even a break up. Not when they’ve never really been ‘together’.
His nerves are sky high when he finally arrives, making him jab at Jenson in a way that he knows is petulant and unattractive. Jenson doesn’t help it either, acting nervous and strange around him until Nico can’t stand it anymore.
If he’s like this, no wonder Jenson doesn't want him.
“What did you want to talk to me about?” He says, voice flat.
“What?” Jenson replies, face scrunched in a way that Nico loves. It hurts this time.
It hits Nico then, just how much he doesn’t want to lose Jenson.
“You said on the phone, you wanted to talk to me about something, what is it?” It comes out harsher than he wants.
“I just...” Jenson hesitates, “It's just that, well, I'm not sure about you, but…”
It’s not like Jenson to babble over his words, but Nico gives him time, even if Jenson avoids eye contact with him.
“I haven’t, you know, been with anyone but you since we started this.” His hands gesture between them. “Not that I expected that from you but, I just wondered if that was something you were interested in?”
“What?” Nico replies, struggling to comprehend what’s happening.
“Exclusivity. For us, with us.” Jenson tries, cheeks tinging with a blush.
When his brain finally catches up on what Jenson is saying he can't help but laugh, and then laugh some more when he sees Jenson’s frown.
“Of course I want that Jenson!”
~
Jenson
I think I loved you from the second you stepped onto the grid Jenson tells him, and Nico realises that he’s spent so long trying to make himself okay with the concept of being good for a one night stand, that he’d almost missed out on this, someone who takes him with all his flaws included, and sees him more than his potential as a good husband, or a quick fuck, but sees him as just Nico. Who loves him, for being just Nico.
he / him
aspiration: painter extraordinaire
traits: geek, childish, creative
franklin
he / him
traits: jumpy, couch potato, friendly
Sebastian is an artist waiting for his big break. He didn't realize his passion for art until his teenage years when he discovered his dream was to create art for video games. He's been a huge nerd since he was a kid and doesn't plan on stopping. He's been best friends with Charlie Clark since he was in second grade.
When he moved away from home he realized just how lonely he was in an apartment alone and decided to take a trip to the local animal shelter. There he met Franklin (who had no name at the time), who was just under a year old. He immediately bonded with the puppy and knew he needed to take him home.
