#sorry...................

[taxidermycanine]

lineart done...... but idk what to do for the design xOP

[javert]

maybe i should start including a little context blurb at the start of all of my posts. i get the sense that some of you have not been following my #lore (ie the intimate details of my personal, creative, and professional life that i've been posting nonstop to this blog for the past 15 years)

context: this post is about every hateful instrument (EHI), my current writing project, which is a SFF space opera/drama and a standalone novel length prequel to my original web serial, in the shadow of heaven (ItSoH). i also mention whale novel (Tomorrow Ye Will Get Your Pay) a historical fiction novel I wrote last year, and serpent's mouth, serpent's teeth (SMST), the latest novel in my fanfiction series, a wheel inside a wheel (WIAW)

anyway with that out of the way.

EHI has been a very weird project to write. not difficult-- it's actually been very easy-- but strange. and i think it's revealed some unfortunate truths that i probably should have made note of years ago, but have been putting off lol.

like the thing about EHI is that it is a bit of a mess. it's not messier-- in a strict sense-- than the vast majority of my other projects. in fact i'd say it falls maybe right at the exact 50% mark of Mess Level for my writing in general, but it is the novel i'm writing on the heels of whale novel (probably my least messy major project) and SMST (which is very good but inherited a bunch of mess from earlier books in its series that i think dragged it down in the first half)

and EHI was always meant to be a really polished standalone, so I'm like, aware of its issues in a way that I'm usually not. and the reason i'm usually not aware of the issues my writing has is because i can "get away with it" in web serial land, and whale novel (not a web serial) did not have these fundamental problems. [for a more comprehensive explanation of what the problem is that i'm generally talking about, see this post which sums it up well]. the tldr is that i'm always writing with the end result in mind (ie always asking myself "how do i get where i need to go") but i also write exclusively by moving forward-- i'm a very very linear writer. so every time i see a problem coming down the pike that i need a solution for, i make up a solution for it regardless of its longer-scale relevance to the plot. this has been my MO for a very very long time, because that's the easiest/only way to write web serials.

EHI's problem is one of plot and detail. like the emotional arc of EHI is rock solid; i think it works really well. but it's strung over a kinda barebones political plot. it is absolutely not fleshed out at all, it's unevenly paced, and it's a real problem. the reason it's so bad is partially because i've been trying very hard to avoid scope creep and introducing 9million characters who show up once and never again, or overcomplicating things. i especially did not want to add a second POV, which i know i often use as a crutch to deliver information to the reader that my primary POV doesn't have access to. and this is like, fundamental shit. storytelling 101. you design your story and the actions that take place in it such that the things that your character is able to do and know are the things that move your plot forward. your character being a hapless observer of 10% of the actions of a conspiracy, if that's the main driver of your plot, that's really really bad lol. and that's the situation i put myself in. because i am. stupid.

and here's the thing. i actually suspect that this is going to be extremely easy to correct during editing. well-- extremely might be an oversimplification-- but i can add a couple chapters and introduce characters earlier, and bring back other characters later, etc. it's all 100% fixable

and like. i need to remind myself These Are Normal Problems To Have. the reason why i'm so annoyed at myself for having these problems is because usually-- even though i have them always-- if i'm writing a 2 million word web serial, if there's some jank on the level of words 200k to 350k, well, i can eeeeeasily when i'm at words 600k to 900k, bring back plot threads from that earlier zone and have it feel intentional and less jank in retrospect. ("less jank" and not "not jank".) correcting things with forward momentum is very fun for me. but it's giving me bad habits (known.) and even if i can make it work, it's not good writing 😔✌

so. like. what is the conclusion here. my favorite way of working produces bad outcomes, and knowing that i am producing bad outcomes is probably enough to make me change what i'm doing (rip).

the conclusion is probably one that NO ONE likes, least of all my loyal readers. i feel like getting better at writing only ends up punishing them lmfao. i don't think my audience would mind in the least if i stayed at my 2020 skill level as long as i also kept my 2020 pace and was writing 80k words a month, every month. but unfortunately i'm a way better writer now (at least i hope) and also way slower. and if i recognize the fact that the chapter-by-chapter release web serial format is really bad for my work on a structural level, it's going to slow me way down

because i feel like the natural end result of this exploration and learning i'm doing is to say "i cannot make chapters public as soon as i write them: i need to finish a whole book and beat it into shape before i let the general public see it"

now. readers of WIAW have all just been alerted that they should tear me apart like a pack of rabid dogs. because when i say "i shouldn't release chapters until the whole book is finished" that means "the next million words of WIAW won't get posted until 2032. if we're fucking lucky."

there's a middle ground, i guess. releasing chapters of my first drafts to my discord works OK. it's not quite as fun as posting chapters. for one thing, the audience for things posted in my discord can only ever shrink, not grow, because there's no discoverability and no way to gain a new readership, and also i don't *love* the idea of subjecting my most loyal readers (the ones who are active on my discord) to my worst writing (a first draft that i have decided in this post is too bad to show to the general public). but yeah. maybe this is the only way.

but back to EHI for a second, because i remembered where i was actually trying to go with this post. the draft of EHI is currently sitting at 140k words long, it's going to need another 20k probably to get me to the end of this draft, and then I'd assume edits are going to bump me up another 20k. i can maybe cut some, but like this is, once again, a stupid long book 😔✌ it is wholly unsuitable for anything. so i officially give up on all plans i had for it except finishing it and posting it on the internet lol. perhaps that is for the best. i look forward to the day i actually do get to publish it on the internet

anyway. i don't think i went the places i was exactly intending to go with this post. this is navel gazey as fuck and you should all tell me to shut the hell up and get back to work. but idk i need to sometimes write down where my head's at

long and short of it is that i think i'm staying the course that i outlined a while ago. i'm going to finish this book -> rewrite itson 1 again with all the lessons i have now FULLY internalized -> edit EHI -> write itsoh 2 -> write itsoh 3 -> edit itsoh 2 -> edit itsoh 3 -> post all of EHI and ItSoH, at a rate of 1 ch/week until it's done. and while it's posting i'll get to work on WIAW again. and all of this is to say: if i'm doing all of this shit i'm definitely never having any sort of """career""" in writing, because these things are fundamentally incompatible with professional success lol

[flejaa]

the holy trinity of

ac milan's DILFS

[maulthots]

you know what’s romantic? having a conversation about the valid reasons you broke up. 

[theseptemberist]

I MEANT YOU WERE THE PATRON SAINT OF KNITTING 🤣

CRYINGGGGGGG this is what i get for reblogging two ask games in a row 😂😂😂attention whored a bit too hard tonight

That is very sweet of you, I need to bust my butt to get that status back tbh I have not picked up a pair of needles in 2022 yet. But if anyone needs help fixing a dropped stich come over lol.

[trashpits]

a few people asked for jed and oct things but i dont post natm art anymore....

[mynyas]

ggggghjf im cryign now i shuold maybe sleep it off im just so jhggg i want to sleep forever and never wkae up