I constantly worry that I won't be taken seriously about a lot of things. Because I'm "still young and don't know what I want". Oh, and not to mention because I'm a girl. Please, just stop.
Relationships have always been icky for me, because I never really understood what I wanted from them and what I thought I wanted. What I want, is closeness, but not of the physical kind. What I need is an understanding, a connection. With this in mind, I've settled comfortably into my sexuality and my desires. Unfortunately, this doesn't jive well with other people, with preconceived assumptions of who I am, what I want.
It's the little things that bother me in this. The assumptions. Those seemingly harmless assumptions that used to make me feel like I was wrong. To others, it's not that big of a deal, but to me it's like my identity is being hammered slowly and methodically.
I honestly feel so grateful for people who accept and understand me, even when I don't. I don't want to need validation because the fact that I feel this way should be enough. Then I feel disgusted that it isn't. But it's alright that I feel it isn't because I'm slowly breaking out of a mold that has stifled by personal growth since I can remember.
Right now, I'm content. In the future if some lovely boy, girl, whoever comes along and I feel comfortable enough, who knows? And If someone doesn't take my interests seriously because I'm a girl, then let it be known that they are a fucking twit. I'm not putting hours into this game because I'm out to "get some". I may not have the best kill/death ratio or the most competitive streak ever, but I'm just as passionate about my gaming as the next person. Also, I refuse to be your gateway Asian. Don't loop my culture into your fantasies. Sigh.
There's a lot of negativity still leftover, but I feel even better now. I'll be ok.
