#soul bits

[lezzy-togezzy]

[zosalot]

I never get too personal on the Internet, but I’ve always felt like a ghost. I wonder if anyone else feels that way. Like people ignore you, the whole world goes past you, and you die without anyone noticing. It makes me feel like I’m already dead.

Sorry, I'm just sad lately. :( I know I shouldn't post stuff like this on the internet, but I have no other outlet and people do it sometimes so I figure it's okay if I do it this once. I'm not trying to get attention or anything. I just don't know how to have an outlet. It won’t happen again though. 

[sinistralcentaur]

My name is Calen.

I love looking at trees, mushrooms, moths and elephants. Bats are glorious creatures. I pet plants.

I am anxious sometimes. I’m afraid of fucking things up. I am worried I will hurt people. I do hurt people. I let people hurt me. A lot.

I like girls. Sometimes I like boys. Sometimes I like people with variant gender identities. I accept people more often than they accept me. This often makes me sad. I despise capitalism.

I want to be creative. I want to play piano again and learn my guitar. My emotions don’t know how to leave any other way. Writing makes them surface, but I convince myself writing isn’t my thing. I can’t be good at it.

I miss performing. I’m so nervous to perform now. Singing and getting high with people whose minds intrigue mine is the only way bits of my soul surface. Hearing it come alive both startles and leaves me in a state of awe. I am glory, in these moments, no matter how fleeting.

Old book pages, new book pages, gasoline, freshly mown grass, turmeric and cumin and basil and cinnamon remind me of warmth when a chill that won’t leave feet, even if covered in yours threatens to take hold. These smells are the inhale and pause moment before letting go. They are what it means to savor life.

[itisastormyoucanweather]

soul bits

maybe i need to stop sharing bits and pieces of my soul. [i give away too much without receiving anything in return— why was i foolish enough to build my foundations on something so feeble as empty air?] if i am not careful i won’t have any soul bits left.