Hi, I would like to attract an INFJ girl. Any tips? Thanks in advance!
There’s a lot of things I could say here, but I think the main thing to remember is to be sincere! INFJs hate small talk and shallowness. They want to know about your dreams, what things make you laugh and why, your thoughts on social justice issues that are important to them, etc. If the INFJ is religious or has a certain set of beliefs that you aren’t in line with, you’re probably out of luck. INFJs are usually compassionate and understanding of those who believe differently than them, but as far as dating goes, they will be cautious of those who believe differently than them (not that they’ll be rude per se, but they don’t see themselves as compatible with someone who believes differently than them on whatever’s most important to them). As a rule in general, INFJs are usually pretty cautious when it comes to dating. In the same way that they don’t like small talk, they also don’t like shallowness in relationships. They aren’t likely to date around or be in super casual relationships. They have this fault where they overthink EVERYTHING and will likely weigh all the pros and cons before they even admit to possibly liking you back. Just know that if you date an INFJ, you’re in for a lot emotionally. You will not find a shallow fling with an INFJ. If you somehow manage to break past all her walls and all the caution she has before she’s willing to date someone, congratulations! That’s a pretty difficult feat. If you do end up dating one, she’ll be in it to win it. INFJs have this super annoying “martyr complex” and it might freak you out how much an INFJ will give in a relationship. Like you’ll give her a card for her birthday and then she’ll throw you a surprise party with 200 of your closest friends for yours. That type of thing. Their biggest flaws in relationships are that they give too much and move too fast which really freaks people out. INFJs are twice as likely to end up in abusive relationships than any other personality type because they WON’T. FREAKIN. GIVE. UP. ON. PEOPLE. All this being said, every INFJ is different! As far as attracting one goes, here are my three biggest tips:
1. Know what she’s passionate about! INFJs are very passionate about whatever they’re into. Their family, their religion. social justice issues, art, whatever it is. Know what that is and know that if you’re not on board about her biggest passion, you’re gonna have a rough time.
2. Be a good listener! INFJs have a stereotype for being counselors to everyone else. They’re great listeners and are always there for the people that mean the most to them. Because of this, they can often be drained and need someone to listen to them for a change. Remember things and ask questions (i.e. “You said that your sister was having a hard time in college. How is she doing?”) Pay attention to what she says and ask followup questions days later. It will mean a lot that you remembered and followed up.
3. Be patient. INFJs feel deeply and get hurt ridiculously easily. She probably has walls up for a reason. It might take a while to earn her trust. Know that that’s normal and nothing wrong on your part. If she gets in a relationship, she’ll be committed. Show her that you are too.
Good luck!
- Suz
