Jun 1, 2024
Bitty: Is *anything* this kid's doing legal? Dex: Define legal.
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Bitty: Is *anything* this kid's doing legal? Dex: Define legal.
Dex: It's like 100 degrees in here. Nursey, continuing a yoga routine surrounded by space heaters: It's precisely 95 degrees. Ideal for yoga and tortoises. I thought it best not to overtax the furnace
Nursey: You'd be surprised at the specificity of insects depending on where you are in this city. You know there's a species of ant which has been found to exist only within a ten-block stretch of the Upper West Side. The ManhattAnt. Dex: ... Nursey: I did not make that up.
[Nursey pours heated broth into the cup of the Stanley Cup] Dex: Now what are you doing? Nursey: My previous tests of the Cup’s legitimacy proved inconclusive. As you are no doubt aware, the metal composition of cutlery can have an effect on food’s flavor. That’s why caviar is best enjoyed with spoons made of bone or porcelain rather than steel. This is a far cry from a spoon, of course, but the same essential principles apply. Dex: So you think you’ll be able to taste if that’s the real trophy. Nursey, nodding: Mmm, needs a moment.
Dex : [pulls back the shower curtain to reveal the Stanley Cup] Dex: Nurse! Nursey: Ch’yeah? Dex: Can you come to the bathroom, please? Nursey: [arrives at a near run] Dex: Is that the real Stanley Cup? Nursey: That’s precisely what I’m trying to determine. Several days ago, whilst browsing auction sites on the Dark Web, I came across a listing for the Dominion Hockey Challenge Cup, aka Lord Stanley’s Cup. I was skeptical as to the Cup’s provenance, so I bought it. Dex: Why would you buy it if you were skeptical-? Nursey: The Cup has humble beginnings. It started off as a mere bowl. In 1927, long narrow bands were added and then replaced by uneven bands in 1947. The original bowl is in the vault in the Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto. The Hall also keeps a near-perfect duplicate on hand. “The Presentation Cup,” if indeed this is the genuine article, is here. Dex: Wait a second, are you interested in hockey history? Nursey: What I’m *into*, Dexton, is the possibility that the Cup was stolen. It travels under the constant supervision of its keeper, so opportunities to nick it are mad rare. If it is the real Cup, I shall return it to the National Hockey League with all due haste. If not, we have a new tub juice bowl for kegsters. Dex: And the reason it’s in the tub is? Nursey: C and I were measuring water displacement to determine the Cup’s density. Now it’s just drying. Dex: Mmm Nursey, realizing Dex is dressed for taking a shower: It can dry elsewhere.
Dex: [Entering the subway] Nurse, you've lived here your whole life. Why do think so many New Yorkers feel the need to combine public transportation with public urination? Nursey: You know, it's part of the charm.
Dex: Your father invited me to dinner. I said yes. You said I should reevaluate him, form my own opinion. I thought this would be a good opportunity. Nursey: I just got - I have one request. There are three surviving Nurse men, and you have sampled the carnal wears of one. Two would be a pattern. Dex: This isn't a date.
Chowder: [to Nursey upon entering his room at the haus] Has the captain been here, or have you taken to wearing his cologne?