#sovereignite

[thenumbedgrace]

Sita || REcieved two days after

Dear Baby Doll,

Attached to this, I’ve left you the one thing I care about, the one possession above everything. The wedding ring. My mom’s ring. I didn’t love you first. And I didn’t love you last. But I know that I’ll love you always. You’re my baby doll. My beautiful Sita, my best friend, my girlfriend, my fiancé, my ex, my world. You are my everything.

                But now all I can do is ask you to love someone better. Someone more. Someone who’s not messed up. Someone who can love you and only you until all the love in the world runs out and all you can do is pretend. I want you to love someone who plays the piano with you. Someone who will sing to you, but not like I do. Sing badly, so you laugh. I want you to find someone who is the opposite of me. But I want you to love them more than me. Even if you think you can’t, I need you to.

I think you should know that I’ve been depressed for a long, long time. Bipolarity is not something easy to deal with—but I was dealing with it. With losing you. With whatever as long as you were there in some way. As my friend, as anything. I’m tired of pretending to be someone I’m not. But I can’t do that anymore. I can’t pretend to be happy. I can’t smile until I feel like its real even though its not. Sita, you are the world to me, but my actual world is crumbling all around me and I don’t think I can hold on anymore. You are so perfectly wonderful and to me you, you’ve changed me in so many ways. I don’t think I’d be the person I was today without you, the happy one. Even though, I can’t be honest. I don’t know what times I was actually happy and what times I was not.

I hope that you understand. This is not your fault, but I love you truly. You are my wife. Even if we never did get married, you are my wife. And I’ve loved you in life and I will continue to love you in death. You’re everything. Even if we stopped seeing it, or remembering it. Goodbye, Baby Doll.

You should see Ren and Raph. Raph has the way I want my funeral to be done. I hope you’ll attend.

Calum Grace.

[thenumbedgrace]

→Sovereignite asked; "If you look like this, I’d hate to see the other guy."

The hyrbid looked at the vampire and shrugged with a half hearted smile. "Probably a lot better. I let him have a go without going back." Calum said with a shrug. It wasn't entirely his fault, what happened--but he wasn't going to let the other take the fall for it. The third person would get what was coming to him in due time. "It was my fault."

[thenumbedgrace]

"Say something I'm giving up you." Calum sung in a whisper behind the instrumental he had playing through his store on a loop. He'd normally close it by now, but he didn't want to be anywhere else. Grace's Glam Sounds, as silly as the name sounded, was his new safe haven. Wiping down the desk he sighed, and tried not to think about the angel--his angel. His best friend. It hurt, it cut him deeper than anything because Raphael was the only one he bothered to keep up with the past---no. He couldn't think about it not now.

"You're the one that I love and I'm saying good bye." Calum sung a little bit louder finished wiping the desk and pulling a stool over. Closing his eyes he tapped the piano cords onto the counter as the music went on. He needed to take a breath, to not think about his problems--he needed to forget because this wasn't his fault... not this time. "Say something..."

The hybrid could already feel the tears thread into his eyes--he just, he left like a failure. He spent years building up trying to be a good person, a better person. To stop all his suicidal tendencies, to open up and accept the love that he was given, to be a better fucking person. Calum fucking bleed too. Though he wasn't human he had a heart, he felt, he bleed, he prayed--he hoped. He deserved to be happy yet it always felt like things were being taken from him.

The first time he feel in love, going through so much trauma he got mixed up with two people and then finally the person he truly loved---he gave him up for someone else. His next love kept leaving and coming back at his pleasure, leaving Calum alone even though he was finally getting domestic. Then, then his best friend in the whole wide world, his lover, the person he shared so much with--the girl of his dreams that he was going to marry. The only one who could see him for who he was and take him as he is, left him too. He just wanted someone to stay with him and he'd though---he'd hoped after ten years of contact that his best friend of years beyond that of even Sita would not leave him so easily. He felt so disposable.

"Say something, I don't want be given up" he broke the changed lyrics out, banging a fist on the counter before shoving his hands in his face, refusing to sob. He hated this--why was he so disposable, why was it so easy to let go of him. Why couldn't he be happy after trying for years to please everyone he cared for--even those he didn't care for--yet he was still easy to let go.