So can I just ask what's the deal with Calum? Like relationship wise or whatever. I'm surprised that he's not more upset about Ren/Raphael because of how deeply he felt for both of them. And then there's Sita, and Chris seems to have completely disappeared. Um, sorry just curious.
→Whoa, that is a loaded question with so many parts to it so I’m sorry of this gets long and rambley. Calum is generally the definition of messed up, but the thing is he keeps trying to find balance. Through his character development (or what little of it idk how people see it) he attempts to become more open and mature but stay playful. Thing is, he kinda didnt. He went from closed and masked off to open and accepting and loving fun, but not always knowing how to balance. He’s kinda off balanced, but the thing is he’s good at reacting quickly to a situation. I find myself pondering what I’m constantly going to do with him, and thus I choose college. Theater because he is so good at reacting. But the thing is, he’s very scattered and complex sometimes finding meaning in his own words after saying a lot of them. With him, he rants because he was taught it was the best way to share his emotions positively and it’s the build up and the constant talking which brings him to his realization.
→Calum, as we know, is a musician even though he’s been a bit less musically inclined lately. Lyrics are his get away place even though he doesn’t share them with others, creating a sort of journal. In them is where he balances his feelings—-
Ren/Raphael; Calum and Raph would often talk about who would date the brown haired boy, always saying it was the other. Thing is, Calum always believed that no matter how much Ren loved him, he alway loved Raphael more. His reasoning? When Ren had the choice between him and Shizuo, he was left for dead. Not that he entirely minded as heartbroken as he was, because he wanted Ren to be happy more than his own happiness. It’s kind of like a repeat, watching it happen with Raphael. Thing is, this time he wants it to happen. His relationship with both of them was destroyed, but the two of them, they always stayed so strongly attached to each other. Raphael cut him off so easily but remnants of Ren were seared so deeply into his heart that, Calum was the only one who understood that pain—and joy. It’s why they were able to stay so interconnected themselves, even with a weaker bond that Calum can only hope will get stronger. And well, there has always been a strong awkwardness with Ren and him after the Shizou event and I don’t think it ever really entirely went away. Thing is, Calum realized what he thought was love for Raph, even after all the sex, was not that. It was his need to have his best friend stay with him and what better way than by love right? Worked with everyone else. No, he was confused. Calum doesn’t think about it anymore with both Ren and Raph, but it still lingers, which is why he’s okay watching from the sidelines. He’s so happy for them, but he feels a bit out of place with them in his search for balance.
→Because ultimately I think that’s what he wants. Not love, not even sex really, just balance. But he doesn’t know how, so he keeps getting tipped back and forth, and with his bipolarity he kind of just doesn’t always handle it right.
Kai: I know Kai wasn’t mentioned, but I feel it’s important. Kai was after Ren, and in his own way similar to the other brunette in many ways. And that’s not why Calum fell in love with him, but I believe it helped. Losing a love and finding one similarly. But the problem was, for Calum who can wait, it was just too pure, and Calum couldn’t handle it any longer.
Sita: is a hot mess for Calum. Probably worse than Ren if I’m honest. God, as gay as Cal is, Sita is someone he truly really very seriously loved and saw a life with. Trauma after trauma, Sita was always, always there. She was his best friend, his family, and his love. He just got so, so, so blissfully enveloped in her love that he forgot all his issues with commitment and all his fears that they would fall apart. Sita was his rock, his chance at something he wanted, balance and sanity. He was ready to give her everything he was. But I don’t really know what happened. One day something just happened. It just didnt fit as well anyone, maybe being so enveloped in each other had them needing space. And it’s what they got just—not in the way he was expecting. The family man he was dissipated with her, and again his balance and stability was tipped.
Chris: was Calum’s getaway and safe haven. Oh god was he. They met when Sita was with Allen and he just broke up with Kai. He just wanted to get away to a place where it didnt matter what happened with his mentality and Chris took him with open arms. Calum, of course, teased the guy, it was in his blood and sure he really cared about him. But after the break up with Sita, he was so used to being in a relationship he was sure he was in love with Chris, and he was probably, but not in a healthy way. He was in love with Chris being the idea of a haven where he would always be accepted and he loves Chris for that. For the security, for caring, but Calum was also messed up even more then, and he was imploding. Chris just helped to soften the blow, and while he re expanded, Chris helped him shape back to who he was, just his heart remained twisted.
→Calum ran away after that. In search for balance and happiness those ten years he was gone, but I don’t think he found it. But he found his own form of content that paved a road. And this journey, as much as he loved it kind of made him want to be a normal boy, and so he started college, hoping for balance as he attempted to cast away negatives and bring back positives. He’s vulnerable and humiliated. He’s sad but climbing his way to happiness. But one thing for sure, he never ever gives up. Once he’s in, he’s in for the long haul even if he strays for a while, which is why he attempts to make piece with everyone he loves, because even if that love is not what he’s been searching for and momentarily given up on its something important that balances him little by little. Pieces of a puzzle Cal is still trying to fit together to make a shape. Therefore, I don’t think Cal can have a relationship with someone unless they’re willing to deal with a lot of emotional baggage, and that’s something he won’t shy away from sharing. It keeps people honest.
