Oct 23, 2016
1930s Screen Legends Given to Making Wild Allegations #548
THIS WEEK: Clark Gable
NEXT WEEK: Claudia Colbert accuses me of getting her mother pregnant
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1930s Screen Legends Given to Making Wild Allegations #548
THIS WEEK: Clark Gable
NEXT WEEK: Claudia Colbert accuses me of getting her mother pregnant
RYANAIR TO CHARGE EVERYBODY
Budget airline, Ryanair, came under fire last night after revealing plans to charge everybody £6, irrespective of whether they use one of their flights or not.
A spokesperson for the airline, who are notorious for their hidden charges, their surly cabin crew, and their disgusting toilets, said: "We are going to introduce this levy on everybody in January 2017 and it will apply to anybody born after 1888 and up to and including the day we introduce it. There will, however, be concessions for members of The Irish Guards, who will only pay £5.99, and for vagrants, who will be exempt from the charge until such times as we can catch up with them and serve them with a writ."
Dubbed 'The Existence Tax' this new measure applies to people across the globe and comes just weeks after Ryanair announced they will be charging people £10.00 to use the lavatories on their aircraft with an extra £1.50 per-turd surcharge.
OLLY MURS PULLED OUT OF MANCHESTER OLYMPIC PARADE AFTER ‘BIG FACE’ JIBE
The management team of pop icon, Olly Murs, last night revealed that he pulled out of performing at the Manchester Olympic and Paralympic parade on Monday after overhearing a parade organiser making fun of his big face at a fundraising dinner the night before the event.
It was previously thought that Murs had pulled out in a row about a late set change, but a spokesman for Murs' team confirmed that the Heart Skips A Beat singer withdrew after he heard a Manchester city councillor call him 'a moon-faced git' while chatting to some friends at the bar in City Hall.
"Olly was disgusted by the remarks this individual made about his big face and decided to pull out of the show." The spokesman told reporters. "Olly is fully aware that his fans will have been disappointed by his decision but he felt that he was left with no choice when his big face was highlighted in such a crass and hurtful manner. Olly gives freely of his time to perform at events like this and the last thing he needs is for people to be making fun of his massive dial"
This is not the first time that Murs' huge face has been the butt of cruel jokes. In May of last year, pop icon Adele incurred his annoyance during a party at her home when she asked him to lie down in the driveway so that a wealthy guest would have somewhere to land his helicopter.
Rooney Refuses to Rule Out Future As Spectator Behind The Goal
Rooney Refuses to Rule Out Future As Spectator Behind The Goal
Manchester United and England soccer ace, Wayne Rooney, has told a press conference at Old Trafford that he would have no reservations about taking up a new role as a season ticket holder with a seat behind the goal if asked to do so by the team manager at some point in the future.
Looking relaxed, Rooney, 47, told reporters: “I’ve already told the gaffer that I’d be more than happy to play in a…
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THE CASEBOOK OF PC TED STUPOR: THE DRINK-RAVAGED LONDON BOBBY YOU CAN TRUST
THE CASEBOOK OF PC TED STUPOR: THE DRINK-RAVAGED LONDON BOBBY YOU CAN TRUST
Evenin’ all.
Policing London can be a pretty grim and taxing experience at the best of times but I particularly dread being called out to incidents of domestic violence.
Last week, I was sitting at a corner table in The Blind Beggar, trying to get a half-decent skinful under my belt, when I got a shout on my radio that there was a bit of an up-and-a-downer taking place at the home of the Labour…
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STAYING IN THE EU WILL BE AKIN TO THE RAPE OF THE SABINE WOMEN BY MEGATRON OUT OF TRANSFORMERS SAYS NIGEL FARAGE
STAYING IN THE EU WILL BE AKIN TO THE RAPE OF THE SABINE WOMEN BY MEGATRON OUT OF TRANSFORMERS SAYS NIGEL FARAGE
United Kingdom Independence Party leader, Nigel Farage, was facing a storm of criticism last night after describing Britain voting to remain in the European Union in the forthcoming referendum as akin to the infamous rape of the Sabine women in 750BC being perpetrated by Megatron out of Transformers instead of the Romans.
The right-wing UKIP leader told Dafty News: “For my money, if Britain votes…
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Heavily-Edited Movie Classics. THIS WEEK: Rocky IV
Heavily-Edited Movie Classics. THIS WEEK: Rocky IV
Training Camp
Rocky: “Hey Apollo! You need to get your ass in better shape brother. Dat Russkie, Ivan Drago, he aint no bum of the month my friend”
Midway through the fight
Paulie: “He aint gonna make it Rock. He’s gettin’ killed in there! Dat lousy, commie sonofabitch is just too strong for him!”
Post fight
Rocky: “ADRIAAAAAAAAAN!”
A few months later inside a ring in Moscow
Drago: “I must…
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London Man in Plea for Mercy Killing After 5-Year Battle Against The X-Factor
London Man in Plea for Mercy Killing After 5-Year Battle Against The X-Factor
A 52-year-old man, from Spitalfields in East London, is to appeal to The European Court Of Human Rights in a bid to overturn a recent ruling by the British government, denying him the right to an assisted suicide on humane grounds due to constant exposure to popular TV talent show, The X Factor.
Cliff Denton, a motor vehicle technician, will claim that throughout the last 5 years, Saturday nights…
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