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Cowboys, Ninjas, and Space Pandas

War. War never changes. In the thousand years that the ninjas and cowboys have done battle across the galaxy, that has been readily apparent. Despite their clear understanding of space age technology and light-speed travel, their combat techniques have remained the same. The cowboys continue to use the same revolvers and lever action rifles they've always had, and ninjas haven't even made a freaking gun yet. Like, seriously. You fly around in space ships, but you still only use ninja stars and shit? What the hell guys. Figure that shit out. Anyways, back to our story. The ninjas and cowboy armies had been locked in fierce, deadly combat for a thousand years. Whole worlds had been destroyed in their wake. Well, I say destroyed. Most of them just lost a building or two. Like I said, not the most advanced weapons. Countless people died on both sides, mostly due to a lack of any semblance of modern medicine. This is where the mystical space pandas stepped in. For time immemorial, the all-seeing, all-powerful space pandas had watched over the universe from afar. They never felt compelled to step in, even as their brethren on earth started to die out cus they wouldn't sleep with each other. This all stemmed from an incident where a male left the bamboo toilet seat up and refused to apologize and now the men and women aren't on speaking terms. Anyway, back to the space pandas. They had seen the vicious, low-tech fighting between ninjas and cowboys take far too many lives. Action had to be taken. And so the space pandas rode! Like gigantic black and white puffballs of fury, they descended upon the field where the ninjas and cowboys battled. The two armies ceased their fighting, and looked to the new and frightening creatures. The oldest and largest of the space pandas strode forward. "End this foolish war now," he bellowed. "Why do you fight? What do you hope to accomplish?" The cowboys answered first, "We gots to prove us good ol' American cowboys is way cooler than those weird lookin ninjers!" The "ninjers" were quick to reply. "We fight to prove that we, in fact, are the cool ones, where those honorless cowboys are actually total losers." The pandas scratched their heads, confused. "No wonder you fight so much, you're both completely wrong," the panda leader exclaimed. "Neither of you are the coolest!" "Then who is?" questioned the ninjas and cowboys, both feeling pretty insulted and pissed off. "Fuckin pirates, duh!" The space pandas were shocked that the ninjas and cowboys could be so ignorant. And so the Great War ended, with both sides realizing that, compared to pirates, they were nothing but fuckin nerds. The end...? Thank you, detectivekatz for the really random story idea. I hope you all enjoy the stuff my brain produces at 3 in the fucking morning, I'm gonna go pass out.

#justin likes to write #short story #cowboys #ninjas #space pandas #I need sleep #my brain is weird