That’s my thing and I hope you understand
It’s just something I have developed over the years
My brain likes to go on tangents about the consequences of my actions
Whether that be doing bad on a test
And how I could end up living with my parents forever with no way of growing up
Or how to sit at lunch and how enough people can sit at the table
And if I don’t sit right, someone would be excluded
I don’t do this on purpose it just happens
When I would lose friends, I thought about what could have been different
I would change and get new friends
Or I would put myself in new experiences
For example, when I met you
Over time, you became a close friend
And I appreciate the friendship you have given me and me to you
I cared about you and you cared about me
We would talk until one of us would fall asleep
Or until one of us would tell the other to go to bed
And I loved finally having a friend I knew wouldn’t care about me texting them
Because you knew how I was too afraid of being annoying
Eventually you started responding less and less
And I started overthinking more and more
That trust I gave you has only been in two other people’s hands
Now, when I message you I hope that this time will be different
That we might have a conversation that will last longer than 5 minutes
I freak out every time I see the words read or opened on my phone
Because that means to me you don’t care
In my head, I think about how many ways you could respond
Either witty with a new nickname for me
Making a joke about yourself that makes me laugh
Very serious that makes me think about the bigger picture
But I hope you do, every time, I hope
I know you see this friendship as more casual than I do
I know I over think every move in this friendship
I know you wont ever see this but
You should know I care so damn much I worry about you
You should know I over think everything
You should know you still have that trust and I don’t want it back yet
