Do i even have an Aesthetic?

Hi, nice to meet you! This is my writing blog. my original is @rosesandbts. so go check that out! But, i have my writing here!! 

[novaswritings]

I Hate You For It

New entry: 12/13/18 

Topic: First Relationship 

Summary: I had a relationship this past year and this is basically my feelings about it, I had to let go of it all and this was the best way I could. 

I don’t miss you

I miss the idea of you

At the beginning of this I began my first ever relationship. I was in disbelief that someone, who my friends never let me forget, attractive as you liked me in a romantic way. I could not believe that my attempts at flirting and talking to you got you to like me. I had found someone that liked me romantically and was nervous around me because you thought I was cute. But I was nervous because I was uncomfortable.

 I was unknowingly forced to like you

I excused actions that I would never have allowed

Since the day I met you all I heard about you was how attractive you were or how great of a person you were. They were wrong. You had qualities that I thought were important in a person.  I was wrong. You had issues that I chose to take as my own because I thought I had to. You stressed that I would leave you and I told myself that I was not that kind of person, I was someone who would help no matter what. I was wrong. Even if it put me under immense stress and anxiety. You made your problems mine.

 I had my own problems and yours now

I couldn’t deal with that and so I had to choose

I distanced myself like I do with everyone. Eventually I thought if I got over this everything would be okay. It wasn’t. I saw you only two more times. Once to the zoo, another when you were celebrating. I knew after that last time it was over. I couldn’t look at you, I couldn’t hold your hand, hug you or anything that day. I couldn’t drag on what I knew. I realized you weren’t and were never going to be the one for me. I felt uncomfortable around you.

 You feared my distance

I guess you were right to be afraid

I thought my explanation was everything, I thought that you would understand. I didn’t want you to change for me. I didn’t want you to hate me. You don’t, but I hate you now. I asked you of friendship because I still cared. But you distanced yourself from me. I was so relieved to be free, to be me again and not just your girlfriend. The girlfriend that had to make sure you were always okay, that you were talking to your mom, that you were working on your license, that you were working on your future, and realized you did not care about me like this.

 I could tell you wanted more from me

I could tell you wanted more of my attention

If I had not done it then, would you have moved farther physically, or say things I didn’t feel? I don’t know, only you know that. If I had stayed would you have made my life even worse with lying and anger? I don’t know

 You didn’t care about me or my feelings

Only your own and the idea of having me

I knew when you tried contacting me again that I fucked up. I knew you wanted contact and I refused. I was happy and moved on. You couldn’t deal with that, and made assumptions of my character and I will never forgive that. Even if you were my first relationship, even if I thought you liked me, even if I helped you through so much shit. You had no right to talk about my mental health that I never talked to you about. Because you lost that right when you manipulated me. And I hate you for that

 You have tried to reach me

But I cant handle seeing your name

I didn’t block you, I couldn’t. I still had hope you would be okay. I finally blocked you after 3 months of you trying to contact me. I realized I had to while in a Taco Bueno and you texted me. I thought I was going to pass out, have an anxiety attack, and throw up all at the same time just from your name. You made me like this because of the behavior I excused and the behavior you continued. And I hate you for it.

 I don’t see your name anymore

Except when its with them

You took my old friend group. You fit right in with them. Lying, manipulating, and self-righteousness. You fit with the people that make my life hell. Because now you are one of those people and I wish you hadn’t been. But I still hate you.

 I forget about you from time to time

But then I realized you took things from me

I forget that I have had my first kiss. Your basement, at 10 pm. You took my memories of prom, I felt like I had to take care of you that night. You took my graduation party from me. I stressed about you meeting people and I just didn’t want you there. you took my willingness to trust someone. You took the title of my first boyfriend. And I hate you for that. 

[secretoctopus-deactivated201912]

[standupcomedyblog]

John Mulaney | The Salt & Pepper Diner

[eclipsebykimlipmp3-deactivated2]

THE BEST JOKE IN EXISTENCE

[danfuckedoffbutreturns]

GOD I JUST TOLD SOMEONE ABOUT THIS STORY

[andlifeisgrand-deactivated20160]

This is one of the best pieces of comedy that I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. I love this. I have been looking for this online for awhile.

[novaswritings]

I Know - Personal Poem

Okay I overthink

That’s my thing and I hope you understand

It’s just something I have developed over the years

My brain likes to go on tangents about the consequences of my actions

Whether that be doing bad on a test

And how I could end up living with my parents forever with no way of growing up

Or how to sit at lunch and how enough people can sit at the table

And if I don’t sit right, someone would be excluded

I don’t do this on purpose it just happens

 .

When I would lose friends, I thought about what could have been different

I would change and get new friends

Or I would put myself in new experiences

For example, when I met you

 .

Over time, you became a close friend

And I appreciate the friendship you have given me and me to you

I cared about you and you cared about me

We would talk until one of us would fall asleep

Or until one of us would tell the other to go to bed

And I loved finally having a friend I knew wouldn’t care about me texting them 

Because you knew how I was too afraid of being annoying 

So I put my trust in you

 .

Eventually you started responding less and less

And I started overthinking more and more

That trust I gave you has only been in two other people’s hands  

And you ran with it

 .

Now, when I message you I hope that this time will be different

That we might have a conversation that will last longer than 5 minutes

I freak out every time I see the words read or opened on my phone

Because that means to me you don’t care

But I know you care

 .

In my head, I think about how many ways you could respond

Either witty with a new nickname for me

Making a joke about yourself that makes me laugh

Very serious that makes me think about the bigger picture

Or not at all

But I hope you do, every time, I hope

 .

I know you see this friendship as more casual than I do

I know you don’t 

I know I over think every move in this friendship 

I know you wont ever see this but

 .

You should know I care

You should know I care so damn much I worry about you

You should know I over think everything

You should know you still have that trust and I don’t want it back yet

- by Spacedoutwriter

[lightspeedsound]

so on one hand we have a Muslim father who is apologizing for the crimes of his son against LGBT people and saying how his son’s actions were motivated by hatred and wants to “apologize for the entire thing.”

And on the other hand we have the white Stanford rapist’s dad who is telling the world to feel bad for his son because he just wanted 20 minutes of action and now he can’t eat steak like he used to. 

….but tell me again you racist pieces of shit about how it’s Islam that’s the anti-feminist, misogynistic religion.

[novaswritings]

Hi! can you do an imagine with peter parker where the reader and him are walking downtown at night and there's alot of romantic tension and he asks you out and its super cute after that? :)

Okay! i just posted it! i hope its good! im sorry, im a little rusty! 

[novaswritings]

He’s Such a Dork - Peter Parker

request:  Hi! can you do an imagine with peter parker where the reader and him are walking downtown at night and there's alot of romantic tension and he asks you out and its super cute after that? :)

A/N: okay im really rusty but here’s a Peter Parker imagine because i know he hasn’t been getting much love yet! 

Warnings: none (except terrible puns but none other than that)

The school bell rang and as I was on my way to the library I heard my name. As I turned around it was none other than Peter, and he was trying to catch up to where I was in the hallway. He kept trying to weave between people, but his expressions about the slow boys in front of him just made me laugh.

“Hey y/n! where you going?” he finally said as we started walking down the hallway.

“Just off to the library to do some homework. You?”  I asked him, slightly hoping he would join me as we stopped at my locker. He leaned against the wall by my locker.

“I was going to go home but, could I join you? I need to start a project and I know I won’t get anything done at home.” I nodded in agreement as I grabbed a textbook.

When we got to the library I quietly picked a table, sat down, and started working on my homework. Peter slowly sat down in the chair across from me and started his project.

As I looked up to see the time on the clock I noticed peter as he was typing on his phone trying to find something. I don’t know long I was looking but it seemed he noticed too. He started staring at me and I smiled and I looked down at my book while I blushed, and had a little bit of dignity left.

“Hey, y/n?” he spoke up after a while of silence. “do you know how to do this?” he pushed his notebook to me as I looked up. As I glanced at the work I saw that there were multiple mistakes.

“yeah, I do. But, it appears you don’t,” I pulled out my own pencil while I made some corrections to the page. “See here? You were supposed to use the equation we learned last class and then with that you have to take the square root and eventually you should get X and Z.” I handed it back to him with my work on a separate sheet of paper for him to see. He smiled and thanked me while he restarted the work.

After a while I started noticing every so often it looked like peter would look up and act as if he would start a conversation but he didn’t, and then he would look down for a while then start the process over.

After about an hour he finally said something.

“So, y/n how was your day?” I quietly laughed and looked up at him.

“It was really good Peter. How was yours?” I put down the pencil in my hand watched as he tried to answer in a coherent way.

“that’s good, mine was okay I guess. I mean you know how it is every day at this school.” I nodded and as I was about to respond a voice over the loud speaker spoke.

“the Library will be closing in 30 minutes.” And then it turned off. I glanced out the large windows by us and saw it was starting to get dark.

“I should probably get going.” I started cleaning up the area I sat at putting books away.

“I can walk you home.” He got up and put his stuff away. We started on our walk home inaudibly but after 5 minutes Peter started making jokes to make it a little less awkward.

“Y/n, I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.” He said softly scared that I wouldn’t like the joke. But, knowing peter this was actually quite funny. Once I started laughing he spoke again.

“I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.” I couldn’t speak in response to it because I was laughing to hard. I grabbed his shoulder and stopped the both of us because after a few hours in a quiet place I had to laugh somehow. After a few minutes I started to calm down and as I looked up speak he smiled and started talking.

“Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.” He smiled once he finished and saw me about to start laughing. But, I decided to reverse this and I spoke up.

“Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.” It was his turn to laugh. Once he was okay we started walking again, but I soon realized that we were a lot closer to each other now.

I smiled as I looked up to speak to him but I noticed he was already looking at me. I looked down at my feet and continued walking. He smiled at me and then grabbed my hand. I looked at our hands secretly and looked up at him and grinned as we kept walking. We continued without a sound down the street till we got to my apartment building.

I went to the door and took out my key to open it. When I unlocked it looked at Peter and was about speak until he started talking.

“so… ummmm y/n, I know were friends and all but, I was wondering if …. ummmm you wou-would be willing to…. Ummm ” It took him a while but I knew what he was trying to say and before he continued to stumble through his words I leaned up and kissed his cheek.

“yes peter I would love to go out with you. just make sure when we do you have better jokes.” I felt my face getting warmer as I spoke each word.

“REALLY?!  Okay, I will talk to you later or at school about it!” he smiled and hugged and kissed my cheek before starting to walk again to his apartment. I waved to him and closed the door to my apartment complex. I walked to my apartment and went to my room and gently slid down the door after I closed it and smiled.

“He’s such a dork sometimes.”

[novaswritings]

Taking Requests!

hey everybody! im taking requests right now to write stuff! im open to anything just make sure you read my rules and stuff! thanks! Liam Dunbar

[novaswritings]

so this is what i did instead of studying last week, and i really hope some of you out there like it because this actually is my first real drawing i have ever done. And yes some thing are very not proportional but you know i don’t care. 

thank you! 

[novaswritings]

A New Story!

hello everyone! im really excited to announce that.... i will be writing and uploading a story here to tumblr! This is going the be my first real story on tumblr and i cant wait for you all to read it. i will be uploading to wattpad and fanfiction.net as well. there will be an official “trailer” soon. thanks everyone! 

[novaswritings]

when i was a kid there was a cute teenage boy hiking with his friends while i was on a bike ride and i was staring and crashed my bike. bonus: he ran down and helped me up. (for the rates p.s. can i be shipped for the 5sos fandom)

Icon: okay | good | great | amazing | flawless | asdghjkl

Sidebar: okay | good | great | amazing | flawless | asdghjkl

URL: okay | good | great | amazing | flawless | asdfghjkl

Theme: okay | good | great | amazing | flawless | asdfghjkl

Posts: okay | good | great | amazing | flawless | asdfghjkl

Overall: okay | good | great | amazing | flawless | asdfghjkl

Following: yes | no, sorry | i am now | follow forever

Face compliment: your eyes are so amazing! 

Compliment: i love the backround color for your theme! its super chill! 

ADVICE: idk....

Boyfriend(significant other): Luke Hemmings

Best Friend: Ashton Irwin

Ex: Calum Hood

Secret Admirer: Michael Clifford

[novaswritings]

Fun fact: one time I missed seeing one direction irl by 5 minutes

Icon: okay | good | great | amazing | flawless | asdghjkl

Sidebar: okay | good | great | amazing | flawless | asdghjkl

URL: okay | good | great | amazing | flawless | asdfghjkl

Theme: okay | good | great | amazing | flawless | asdfghjkl

Posts: okay | good | great | amazing | flawless | asdfghjkl

Overall: okay | good | great | amazing | flawless | asdfghjkl

Following: yes | no, sorry | i am now | follow forever

Face compliment: i love your hair its so pretty 

Compliment: love the icon

ADVICE: need none!

Boyfriend(significant other): JOSHUA DUN

Best Friend: andy hurley 

Ex: harry styles 

Secret Admirer: niall horan 

[rosesandbts]

ships and rates:

follow and message me, maria and spaced to get a ship and rate!

message us a fun fact about yourself and a fandom you want us to to ship you in!

we will respond with

Icon: okay | good | great | amazing | flawless | asdghjkl

Sidebar: okay | good | great | amazing | flawless | asdghjkl

URL: okay | good | great | amazing | flawless | asdfghjkl

Theme: okay | good | great | amazing | flawless | asdfghjkl

Posts: okay | good | great | amazing | flawless | asdfghjkl

Overall: okay | good | great | amazing | flawless | asdfghjkl

Following: yes | no, sorry | i am now | follow forever

Face compliment:

Compliment:

ADVICE:

Boyfriend(significant other):

Best Friend:

Ex:

Secret Admirer:

[rosesandbts]

ships and rates:

if you want to do ships and rates with me just send me an ask saying hi!

also the start at :50 (in about an hour to people have time to join!)

[novaswritings]

Our True Colors

(this is a poem i know, but i wanted to write something and no one has requested anything really so i just want you all to know i will take any kind of requests!) 

If light could fragment

Shatter into a million pieces

It wouldn’t fall and disappear

The light would only become stronger

It would push against the darkness

Trying to keep alive what was taken from itself

The light would illuminate

Push broken pieces together

Trying to reform

To gain power and protect everything from the darkness

It wants to protect everything, but it can’t

It will try to radiate to give off all that it has

To show that it can protect

 .

From what though?

The darkness does not want to hurt anyone

It’s what over takes the darkness is scarier

It’s the monsters in the dark

They over take everything to attack

The monsters force us to become afraid of the dark

They force us to be petrified of night and sleeping

 .

The dark is not the villain

The light is

Because when light over takes the darkness

Our fear of those monsters are amplified

Because we can see the monsters

When the light shines through they can see too

They over take us

They make us become our own worst night mare

We are forced to see our self come from the darkness

We are forced to watch ourselves turn into the scariest things

 .

The darkness has only ever been protecting us from ourselves

The darkness wanted to keep us safe

It want to make sure we never knew of our worst fears

 .

The light was only trying to protect us from the fear of the dark

The light only wanted to show us that the monsters wouldn’t be scary

It wanted to show us in our true colors

 .

The light and the dark only wanted to protect us from ourselves

They only wanted to protect us

To protect us

Protect us

They

Only

From

Our

Selves

 .

That’s what I fear

is what would I be

[prattdragon]

What this is: A network for all of Merlin’s fandom writers, betas, and artists. We are starting off small and hoping to grow! The chat will be open to discussing work in progress’s, ideas for future works, plot help, normal fangirling, and lots of other things. Hope you guys are interested!

rules

Follow Arthur and Merlin

R E B L O G this post, likes for bookmarking only

fill this form out (it’s really quick, I promise!)

must reach 30 reblogs or we hide in a dumpster

What We’re Looking For

People in the Merlin fandom who write fanfic, make fanart, beta for others, or simply want to help people develop ideas and encourage others!

Nice bloggers! We don’t want any hate

Bloggers with a tagging system

why joining would be super cool

follow from me and potential other members

meeting new people within the fandom

a group of people to discuss fanfiction/fanart with and who will help and motivate you in your writing/art

People willing to beta for you! (its so hard finding a beta am i right?)

People to potentially collaborate with!

added to a group chat to fangirl/talk/share/squeal

a spot on this network page!

All of your art/writing reblogged onto this blog!

when accepted

you will receive an ask notifying you that you’ve been accepted (so open ask boxes please!)

you will be added to the private sideblog to chat and share!

track the tag #camelotstories for updates and to tag your promos, selfies, etc. with

Submit an icon, desc, name and what you do (ex: writer and beta, or artist, etc)

misc.

open until the end of July 1st to reblog

will chose about 20 members depending on interest

you can always ask me questions here

Once we get up and rolling we night do fests.round robin writing and art things. A masterlist of those event will be posted on camelotstories!

We’ll pick sometime in July.

[prattdragon]

LAST CHANCE

remember survey has to be filled out to be considered!

[novaswritings]

Hi! I was wondering if you can write me a Cameron Dallas fic if you know who he is? If not then a Niall fic would be fine :) Also (I read your faq), if you can link me to anyone who writes smut fic and takes requests that would be amazing! Thank you so much :)

I just posted it! i hope you enjoy it. it took a little while to get some inspiration and i answered about what asked in the last post! thanks for requesting! 

-spacedoutwriter^.^

[novaswritings]

one direction: Niall/Reader

Hi! I was wondering if you can write me a Cameron Dallas fic if you know who he is? If not then a Niall fic would be fine :) Also (I read your faq), if you can link me to anyone who writes smut fic and takes requests that would be amazing! Thank you so much :)

(Hey sorry I don’t know too much about Cameron Dallas so I am going to go with the Niall imagine. I don’t really know of anyone really, sorry I don’t really follow anyone that does it. :( and I hope you like it!)

 I woke up with a sudden shock. As I moved off to the side of the bed I noticed the rest of the room was quiet, I couldn’t hear anything really, and it seemed the whole apartment was silent. I sat and rubbed my forehead as I tried to blink away the sleepiness from my eyes.

I tried to push down onto my feet and went to the dresser in the corner of my room. I grabbed a pair of socks from the drawer and sat back down onto the bed. When I got both on I decided to find some food in the kitchen to see if that could help me back to a sleepy mood.

I shuffled to the refrigerator and pulled out the milk and shut the door. As I set the carton of milk on the counter I then opened the pantry and got the box of cereal. Once I mixed it all together in a bowl I sat onto the couch and turned on the TV and after I scrolled through the guide I settled for one of those home videos shows.

Once the cereal was gone I laid down onto the couch in hopes to gain some good sleep, I knew it wouldn’t work but the thought of sleeping helped me.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“y/n. Hey,” I felt a gentle push on my arm.  The TV was off and all I heard was this voice. “Y/n, I know you are awake.” I opened on of my eyes and I thought that I had to be dreaming. But, I am almost never able to dream. I moved to sit up as he tried to sit next to my legs.

“Niall? I… thought… you were on tour for another month?” I tried to push my hands to try to hug him, but he pulled me close before I had the chance to move my hands.

“I have the next week off, most of the guys went to travel somewhere but I needed to see you. I know you trouble sleeping when I’m gone so I thought I would come home.” I could tell he was smiling, he always smiled. I loved seeing his smile. “Come on y/n. let’s get some sleep. I can tell you have lost some.” He picked me up and we went back into the bedroom, he laid me down and then as I felt the pillow hit my head I moved closer to where Niall was.

I always had trouble sleeping when I was young. It just scared me, with the fear of having a nightmare or sleeping too long. I guess I could be called an insomniac. When Niall and I moved in together that’s when he found out, for some reason he helped so much with the insomnia problem. He was always there when I fell asleep and when I woke up. Touring never helped. He was gone again and I slipped back into my bad habits of barely sleeping.

“What are you thinking about y/n?” he looked to my face as he tried to wrap his hand around my waist.

“Just how much you help me.” I smiled up to him and leaned my head onto his chest, and closed my eyes. He was so nice. I could tell he was smiling again, even when we both fell asleep.