The Truth About My Heart: Part 1.5
Before you know the rest of my story, I feel like there are some current truths you should know about me.
1. I am 31. I had a high schooler I was mentoring tell me that she prays every night that she doesn't end up like me because she wants 10 kids before she's my age. I swear that I didn't want to slap her and that it made me laugh out loud for a very long time. I pray I don't end up like my friend who was 40 before marriage and she's AMAZING. (i WAS SHOCKED! What 18 year old doesn't like the idea of world travel, parties, and no one to tell you how much you can spend on shoes?) I wish I was in a relationship but love! love! love! my life and wouldn't trade it for a mediocre one that included a "Til Death Do Us Part" clause. I'm patiently/not-so-patiently waiting for the right one.
2. I get asked out a lot but 50% of the requests are from guys standing outside of the bus station who don't have teeth. A very small percentage of the invitations are from Christian guys who believe in waiting until marriage to have sex. And I definitely am.
3. I believe that oral sex is still sex and that, while difficult, fingers should join tongues in not going below the belt before marriage.
4. I read the books on Emotional Purity but I guess I didn't believe them because I have learned a lot of HARD and EDUCATIONAL lessons through my own mistakes.
5. Though I will currently always win the game "I Never Ever", I've had 31 years to struggle with lust and I believe the Bible when it says that no sin is greater. If you aren't on the same page with me on #2-4 I hope you'll get there but I believe nothing can separate you from the love of God.
6. I believe God when He says He forgives us of our sins, doesn't hold them against us, forgets them, and cleanses us from unrighteousness. I also believe if the Almighty God who is the maker of heaven and earth forgets our sin than you don't have to feel beat down by your past or anyone else who wants to hold it over your head. You need to move on and they need to be silenced.
7. I spent a year in Christian counseling 6 years ago because I cried a lot, was upset about many seemingly unrelated things, felt I could no longer be perfect and was crushed that the guy I loved wanted to stay "just friends" so I internalized that I wasn't good enough. And I went to everywhere I could that the tangible and healing presence of God was in the room. I flew, I drove, and God was faithful to meet me. Focusing on my healing and giving God room to work miracles was one of the best decisions of my life.
8. I have a full time career in the corporate world and attend ministry school part time because I now live without anxiety and know happiness because God changed my life five years ago. Before that I got a undergraduate degree in relationships. Mainly because I like people, friendships, love, and helping hurting people so studying those things made sense.
9. Men are drawn to me like flies to honey but I seem to have a lot of "You are the COOLEST GIRL EVER" and not a lot of "I want to be completely committed". Hot guy friends who don't want to date you breaks your heart in the same way sitting on your couch night after night can. (I've tried both.) I've realized even after all those years of inner healing, I'm still a little like spilled honey (See #4) and I want to be back in the jar and sealed until someone wants to buy it all before tasting.
10. I've had two guys that I never kissed or dated ask me to marry them. Neither of them had a ring, they were not nice when I said "No" and I wasn't in love so I am not sure it counts.
11. I don't watch rated R movies unless I know it is free of steamy sex scenes. A wise woman once told me, "If I can't do it, I don't want to see it."
12. I attend weddings like they are my part time job. ALLLLLLLLL the time. And I believe in rejoicing with those who rejoice. I choose not to be miserable in watching friends get married and planning their parties but I understand why some single girls can get trampled on the wedding circuit. (But there's another way!)
13. I originally started this blog because when I googled "advice for dating ministers" nothing good came up. I thought I'd write my hilarious adventures but then realized it would be writing out of my hurt instead of my joy. And I'd honestly have to call it "ALMOST dating pastors" since I have a lot of "Just Friends"!