Sparkle Solo

Fun. Popular. Career Successful. Christian. Pretty. Slightly Overweight. And still single. I've learned to enjoy life & sparkle solo until love meets me. var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-932375-7']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })();

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I have been so overwhelmed with social media at work that I haven't been a very good blogger!!  That will change TODAY!

Until then, here is my morning Pinterest inspiration.  (I am loving hot pink)  

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I haven't posted on Tumblr in SO long!!!  Catching up: 

I have been working long, long days writing a proposal for a social media initiative for my company. 

It was accepted and then I was working long days getting it started! 

I went to a fabulous conference in Virginia Beach with Bill & Beni Johnson, John & Carol Arnott, and Pat & Gordon Robertson

More Social Media meetings to present my progress

Heard Heidi & Rolland Baker from Iris Ministries speak another week (Amazing)

I changed my hair color

Took a work trip to the city where my last huge breakup happened

Survived without running into the ex (Hooray)

Finally took a stand and got a very toxic person out of my life

Doing spring cleaning

Caught a raging cold (if that's what you call sneezing non-stop for a week!) 

Got halfway through Downton Abbey Season 2

Discovered SMASH

Started spring cleaning/redecorating my house with Pinterest inspiration

Had a lot more friends get engaged (This year is packed with diamond rings!)

Had a over-protective guy friend drop in to meet the guy I can't decide if I love or not (Mainly because I'm not sure if he loves me)

Met an amazing, successful older guy (ten years older...at least!) who messaged me then disappeared

Praying for a friend in her 20s who is tested for breast cancer

Planned a trip across the country and then canceled it

Bought furniture to reupholster

Made a goal to save a certain amount of money 

Got involved in planning TWO different town festivals

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8 Friends You Should Have to Stay Healthy

1.  Childhood Friend (They know your secrets) 

2.  New Friends (They see you as you are now) 

3.  Workout Friend (Studies show you need the social support for working out) 

4.  Younger Friends (They admire and look up to you, & teach you new things)

5.  Your Partner's Friends (Couples are happier if they share friends)

6.  Your Mom (Biggest Fan) 

7.  Your Spiritual Friend (Pray with you.  Speak truth to you.) 

8.  Your Dog 

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Mailing my Valentine's today.  They get sent to my grandmother, aunts, a few cousins, and my very best friends who are still unattached.  

I seem to be gravitating towards red & pink clothes for the holiday.  

We upgraded our internet & now it hasn't worked for THREE DAYS

This is an excuse for me to drink a lot of coffee in coffee shops for WiFi 

Making myself NOT Google this cute guy I met this weekend so I don't obsess

Making myself NOT analyze the message he sent me (too much) 

I'm getting to pray with one of my extreme heros in the faith for three hours 

Deciding if I am going to Nashvegas this weekend

Looking forward to a party tonight at my friends' house

I'm seriously considering eyelash extensions.  Love them.  

My life is being changed in a theology class studying Christ this semester

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Sh*tuff Christian Girls Say: Hilarious

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The Truth about My Heart: Part 2

Back to London.  Five and a half years after that first kiss on the beach.  

God always knows what is best for us because He created us and loves us.  Even when we feel we've stepped out of His place for us. There is an interesting lesson I've been taught from the Book of Ruth that I love because it shows the greatness and absolute goodness of God.  Ruth goes out to work in a field and "as it turned out" she is working in the field of Boaz who is Naomi's kinsman and Ruth's future husband and how she becomes on of Jesus' great great great ...great grandmothers. In the Hebrew, the translation for our "As it happens" and "As it turned out" doesn't mean this was just a thing of chance.  Instead, the Hebrews knew that phrase roughly means "Watch! God is at work in this situation".  

It didn't work out with the guy on the beach that summer.  I moved away and realized it was a problem for me that he wasn't walking out his faith in the same way that I was.  He was a disenchanted Catholic and I was a Charismatic who was at church every time the doors swung open. I hadn't heard from him in a week, my phone number was accidentally changed due to a work error when I relocated and then the guy at the cell phone store accidentally wiped my contacts.  This was pre-Facebook & Twitter and he only had my work email.  It seemed like an easy end.  I was addicted to him.  One of us would go visit the other and I would be absolutely sure that I was going to break up with him and then I'd come back more deeply involved.  I couldn't have told him goodbye.  Have you ever been crazy about someone like that?  Oh yeah, but I didn't get out of that short relationship without a trip to the doctor to be treated with what he called "Mono's Nasty Cousin".  I was knocked out for a month, in pain so bad they gave me a numbing gel to shoot down my throat, and lost my voice.  How crazy is it that the first guy I ever kissed got me sick?!  

"How could you kiss a guy you only went out with three times after 25 years of waiting?!?!!!"  That is what I got asked by my guy friends who've slept with too many girls before they got saved and wished they hadn't.  "You could have made it until the alter," they raged.  But I didn't want to make it to the alter.  I believed that God gave me an absolute gift in this amazing sexy guy who romanced me, took me a great dates, was SOOOOO incredibly respectful physically and set up all of these boundaries to make sure we didn't cross any lines.  I'd spent three years completely in love with my best friend (who I was so sure I was going to marry and lost 25 lbs for between fasting about us and working out) and finally got to experience what it felt like to be an attractive woman instead of "the coolest girl ever".  It gave me the courage to break things off with my guy BFF and learn how I am valuable no matter what he thought.  

So, what does this have to do with London?  

I always thought about this guy.  Probably because he was my first kiss.  In November 2010, I opened a work account that I'd quit using right around the time I moved and there it was. An email from him that he'd sent a year and a half before looking for me.  I had just gone through a crazy emotional whirlwind of false start relationships that year and just made the decision to step back from all of them.  It seemed Providential.  And he was still thinking about me.  Both of us even daydreaming about the same perfect day we spent together.  His faith status and my faith journey had changed.  There was room in my life for a Catholic man because I went on a pilgrimage of my own in an effort to study ways to unite the body of Christ and found a bridge (even while I know the difference...) between the two and was already thinking I may really marry a Catholic man.  

As it happens, I felt the Lord told me to get out of the house so I went to a coffee shop on the other side of my old town where I was visiting him to have coffee with my best friend who lived there.  I was telling my friend how wonderful he was and

It just so happened, that I turned my head to the right at the same moment that

He just so happened, to walk between two cars at that same moment dressed in gym clothes when he'd told me that he had to work that day. I looked at my friend and told her, "I think I've been lied to" and ran out the door to face him because I couldn't bear for him to come into Starbucks and that happen in front of my friend and everyone else.  

Our story is for another day.  The important part for now is that he lied to me that day and for six more days with silence.  And then he sent me an email of truth...

It just so happened, I ran into him when he was with another girl (I never saw her.)  Who he was having sex with because I wouldn't.  (Yes, that is EXACTLY what he said.) 

And, while I hate to keep harping on this "as it happened" trend, I think you need to know that a few days after I read that email it just so happened that I was scheduled to be boarding a plane to Egypt.  It also just so happened that my best friend told me when I got home that she was praying every morning that I would know for sure by the time I left whether or not a relationship between he and I would work.  I was in Cairo at one of the most historically significant times for that country in January 2011.  I flew to London two days before the big riots broke out while half of our group stayed there and was locked down in a hotel for a week during the revolution.  And then, I ended up in London crying on the bed where one of my other heartbreaks of the year had just been sleeping the week before.  But I was really safe. 

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The Truth About My Heart: Part 1.5

Before you know the rest of my story, I feel like there are some current truths you should know about me. 

1.  I am 31.  I had a high schooler I was mentoring tell me that she prays every night that she doesn't end up like me because she wants 10 kids before she's my age.  I swear that I didn't want to slap her and that it made me laugh out loud for a very long time.  I pray I don't end up like my friend who was 40 before marriage and she's AMAZING.  (i WAS SHOCKED! What 18 year old doesn't like the idea of world travel, parties, and no one to tell you how much you can spend on shoes?) I wish I was in a relationship but love! love! love! my life and wouldn't trade it for a mediocre one that included a "Til Death Do Us Part" clause.  I'm patiently/not-so-patiently waiting for the right one.  

2.  I get asked out a lot but 50% of the requests are from guys standing outside of the bus station who don't have teeth.  A very small percentage of the invitations are from Christian guys who believe in waiting until marriage to have sex. And I definitely am. 

3.  I believe that oral sex is still sex and that, while difficult, fingers should join tongues in not going below the belt before marriage. 

4.  I read the books on Emotional Purity but I guess I didn't believe them because I have learned a lot of HARD and EDUCATIONAL lessons through my own mistakes.   

5.  Though I will currently always win the game "I Never Ever", I've had 31 years to struggle with lust and I believe the Bible when it says that no sin is greater. If you aren't on the same page with me on #2-4 I hope you'll get there but I believe nothing can separate you from the love of God.  

6.  I believe God when He says He forgives us of our sins, doesn't hold them against us, forgets them, and cleanses us from unrighteousness.  I also believe if the Almighty God who is the maker of heaven and earth forgets our sin than you don't have to feel beat down by your past or anyone else who wants to hold it over your head.  You need to move on and they need to be silenced.  

7.  I spent a year in Christian counseling 6 years ago because I cried a lot, was upset about many seemingly unrelated things, felt I could no longer be perfect and was crushed that the guy I loved wanted to stay "just friends" so I internalized that I wasn't good enough.  And I went to everywhere I could that the tangible and healing presence of God was in the room.  I flew, I drove, and God was faithful to meet me.  Focusing on my healing and giving God room to work miracles was one of the best decisions of my life. 

8.  I have a full time career in the corporate world and attend ministry school part time because I now live without anxiety and know happiness because God changed my life five years ago. Before that I got a undergraduate degree in relationships.  Mainly because I like people, friendships, love, and helping hurting people so studying those things made sense.  

9.  Men are drawn to me like flies to honey but I seem to have a lot of "You are the COOLEST GIRL EVER" and not a lot of "I want to be completely committed".  Hot guy friends who don't want to date you breaks your heart in the same way sitting on your couch night after night can. (I've tried both.)  I've realized even after all those years of inner healing, I'm still a little like spilled honey (See #4) and I want to be back in the jar and sealed until someone wants to buy it all before tasting.  

10.  I've had two guys that I never kissed or dated ask me to marry them.  Neither of them had a ring, they were not nice when I said "No" and I wasn't in love so I am not sure it counts.  

11.  I don't watch rated R movies unless I know it is free of steamy sex scenes.  A wise woman once told me, "If I can't do it, I don't want to see it."  

12.  I attend weddings like they are my part time job.  ALLLLLLLLL the time.  And I believe in rejoicing with those who rejoice.  I choose not to be miserable in watching friends get married and planning their parties but I understand why some single girls can get trampled on the wedding circuit.  (But there's another way!) 

13.  I originally started this blog because when I googled "advice for dating ministers" nothing good came up.  I thought I'd write my hilarious adventures but then realized it would be writing out of my hurt instead of my joy.  And I'd honestly have to call it "ALMOST dating pastors" since I have a lot of "Just Friends"! 

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The Truth About My Heart: Part 1

A year ago, today, I was in London lying in a bed sobbing.  SOBBING.  

My heart was shattered by disappointment.  I'd tried to find love in one guy after another that year.  Three were in ministry and two were those friends you have forever that you started to have feelings for but already resolved years before you weren't going to date. (Because they didn't want you.  Not because you didn't want them.)  

And then I dated him.  He was the only guy I'd ever kissed and I never forgot him.  He was the guy I fantasized about because he was my experience.  Other guys had tried to kiss me after him but I think I felt spoiled.  Almost like when you have European Chocolate and someone offer's you Hersheys.  The first time I saw him, all I could think was, "He's my ideal man."  But he was at the party on a date and, although he asked for my business card, I was so shocked when he called me months later and swept me off my feet.  He'd was so romantic and enchanting and was the movie star quality guy you dream about.  Our first kiss was on the beach in the moonlight and it was after we'd had a date in a rowboat in gardens on that beautiful pond made famous by The Notebook.  

Did I mention that I was 25 the first time I'd ever kissed a guy?

I was soooooooooo picky in high school.  And I believed I shouldn't date someone who wasn't as sold out to God as I was and, at the time, I believed I was headed for full time ministry and the mission field.  I was at a tiny school and those guys didn't hang out there.  The guys who went to my church were crazy about God but also mostly just getting free of addictions so not in the position to date.  And then in college I was of the age that we all Kissed Dating Goodbye.  

After college, I followed my dream into one of the most glamorous jobs I'd ever heard of not realizing that the industry was so incredibly vile and Godless that I would be propositioned to sleep with guys on a daily basis.  I was sheltered and naive yet still knew if gorgeous guy was that upfront about his expectations for sex than he was not date-worthy.  And they were gorgeous.  And it was a daily fight.  But then I fell in love with this amazing, Christian guy who was seven years older than me and all those hot guys at work who lived for their next five beers couldn't hold a candle to a sweet, witty and pretty good looking Bible study leader.  He broke my heart BECAUSE we never kissed but became best friends.  

And then I moved & met him.  And in three dates, after 25 years of never being kissed, I was french kissing a guy on the beach.  (Of course, I never told him that. I was afraid he'd think I was expecting him to propose the next week.  I didn't know how to love myself then.  I thought I did, but I didn't.) 

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"I think relationships are like puzzles.  I am a very unique piece which is why I have to travel all over the world to find the woman who fits me." 

When I heard this said by a man I trust, respect, and even spent time wondering if we fit, I knew that it was extreme relationship wisdom.  

It is not about how amazingly perfect you are or are not but instead about who you fit together with best.  I love puzzles because it is a fun challenge with a beautiful picture at the end of the quest.  There are extremely challenging moments when I am digging through endless blue sky pieces to find the perfect match and I have been know to try to force a piece that does not fit into a spot I am impatient to fill.  I always have to end up removing it because it just is not right, damages the pieces and will mess up the bigger picture.  

Ugggh.  How often have I wasted emotional time and tried to make a guy fit who just wasn't right because he seemed so close to the type of person I wanted because I was weary of singleness?!  (Too often!) 

I am thankful for the reminder that spending a little more time digging through the pieces and waiting for a true match is the best thing for you and my big pictures.  

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The light of unconditional love awakens the dormant seed potentials of the soul. John Welwood

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I love beautiful things. 

This year, I want to write more and work more at my desk instead of from my bed.

This makes me want to dream.  One of my focuses for the next few months is to create a work space that I would get excited about sitting down to work. 

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I believe not having sex before marriage includes NOT sexting. 

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 Striking Cupid's Arrow Cupcakes perfect for Valentine's Day parties from Bakerella!  

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Watching Selena Gomez and Marilyn Monroe movies this afternoon!