( letter for @spcrited bc i love to suffer )
combahee river, south carolina august 26, 1782 dearest margarita,
in all my struggles between duty and inclination — throughout every battle, every march — my heart has been with you, though so many miles separate us. i am sure alexander, given he has been receiving my letters, has relayed to you news of my illness — i would entreat you not to fret over it, for though feverish i am as well as any in our troops. i’m sure you can imagine how restless i have been to return to the fight, but there is good news in store — i’ve been given command of a battalion, news of a stray group of redcoats having reached us several nights ago. at first light tomorrow, we will ride on them — i intend to make a final effort, after our victory at yorktown, to drive out these men, though our army is reduced to almost nothing.
a request, now, must be made. as always, i have no way of knowing how the battle tomorrow will fare, if the stars shall turn fate against us, though i confess to be less than sanguine in my outlook. the night grows closer — i hope you will forgive me any errors in this text, as candles provide such meager light, and my hand shakes for reasons beyond my knowledge — but i regret, already, any events hence that may not allow me to return to you. i fear you may think me selfish for this, but i entreat you not to mourn me for long, should that be the resolution of this fight. such enchanting smiles as yours exist normally only on the faces of angels ; i could not stand to be the reason that smile fades. it would be an inexcusable offense to allow such a thing to occur, and, my peggy, i would rather be execrated than to be the catalyst of that tragedy.
i would beg you to remember that even if my heart fails to stir, the whole of it will always be wherever you may be. dream of me, as i will of you in my amaranthine rest. i send all my love, and urge you to not forget the unalterable sentiments of your affectionate laurens, even subsequent of whatever may occur tomorrow. i long to see you again — whether in this earthly career or in the happy immortality that lies just beyond. adieu, my dear girl.
yours forever, john laurens.














