#speciality training

[dxmedstudent]

So you can theoretically get into any specialisation you want?

Yup! There are entrance exams (I’ll be preparing one over the Christmas period, fun times for me!) though right now I think most specialities use the same entrance exam. But you can apply to any speciality and can in theory get into any one of them. But you may not. You can also apply wherever you want in the country, and don’t need to apply everywhere. There is also more than one round of applications; because not all specialities fill all their jobs the first time around, if you don’t get into what you wanted to the first time, you can still apply a bit later that year to the places that remain unfilled, to start at the same time as everyone else. In foundation doctor applications you have to apply everywhere and rank where you want to go from the most to the least; so you could still end up on the other side of the UK than what you’d hoped for.

[doctor-sandman]

So, it’s been something like 100 days, probably...

I’m working in my job, I like it, it’s satisfying.

About a year ago, back in my sixth year (doing an officially 16 month attachment in anaesthesia, ICU and A&E), I was panicking about whether this was the right thing for me, I was having an existential crisis, worrying whether I’d done six years for nothing. I wasn’t worried about finals, I was worried I wasn’t ready for everything beyond that.

Now, a year later, working about 100 days, I still worry about whether I’m doing things right, whether I see so little of my consultants because I’m so good or because they just don’t care.

(Spoiler: it’s because I’m just so good!)

There were moments when I was so exhausted by the responsibility - mainly when I had a crappy nurse-trainee with me - who’s an absolute darling, but not really cut out for the sometimes split-moment-decision, fast-paced kind of work anaesthesia is. It’s good to be calm and collected, but there needs to be a quick mind under the surface and I don’t get that from her.

There were moments when I cried with frustration because things were beyond me being able to deal with it - and, fyi, it wasn’t medical situations, it was crappy surgeons or someone thinking that I was good enough (?) to have another doctor with me to learn how to do anesthesia - or just plain hadn’t cared that I was my sixth week at that time.

(I may be too good for my own good.)

Okay, let’s have that without the parentheses:

I may be too good for my own good.

At what I do. Because, as I said up there, I often work without my consultants paying me any attention - and during a tearful talk with one of them (after a trying day with nurse-trainee) he said “we [consultants] all agree that you’re very good”.

I had to fight for feedback - and one of the consultants is a sweetheart (he reminds me of a consultant back in my old hospital, not so socially skilled, more introverted and quiet, but competent - only that the one I’m working with now isn’t so closed off) and the week after he was with me for a whole while: I was doing anesthesia for a procedure I hadn’t seen before and he helped me with the different standards our hospital sets. He has a very structured, learned way of giving feedback: he does the ‘always include something well done in feedback’ and all that stuff you learn about teaching. His feedback goes like “I see that you did this, may I suggest an alternative for you to consider?”

And on Thursday he was supervising, he quickly dropped in and he said “call me if you need anything” and I answered: ”will do. If you don’t hear anything from us we’re either dead or everything’s fine”.

Well, turns out I only called in the afternoon to say that I was done, everything had gone over well and he gave me a very spontaneous “Fantastic, very well done”.

Four words, but four words that made me walk home with a spring in my step and a grin on my face.