Today I did something I never thought I would do--I resigned from teaching.
If you are reading this, then you are curious why teachers leave their profession. Or perhaps you like to read some drama. But why do teachers walk out from their jobs? Is it because of the students? Demanding parents? The pay? Any of those options may apply to some you leave teaching, but my reason isnât of those.
I left teaching because of the teachers.
Back in April, teachers came together for the movement to improve our conditions, but weâve gone back to eating each other. The ironic thing is our new head honcho started the year with a #oneteam where she wanted to inspire group corporation and teamwork. Ironically, it didnât happen that way at all. Instead, the teacher version of Game of Thrones has gone into overdrive. Now, I have worked in some high-pressure jobs between the military and hospitality, but I have never seen a more toxic work environment than the Teacherâs Lounge. We are stressed, angry, and cling to what we can to have some semblance of control. We forget how to be adults and what constructive communication is. Instead, we gossip and spread lies about each other. In some situations, we set each other up for failure and laugh at the results. Teamwork? I donât know what that is as a teacher. Why? Because folks donât want to do more than what they are doing. And honestly? I canât blame. People seem genuinely surprised when I want to help them.
So let me tell my story. I started the year teaching special education math to high schoolers and coaching cross country. The beginning of the year was pretty busy and I was trying to stay on top of it all. I offered to coach the boyâs cross country team after the previous two coaches said they werenât going to do it anymore. When I was asked about doing it, I was pretty exciting. I had a huge interest in coaching and I knew a lot about running from the military and my own personal experience. However, I didnât know a lot about what coaching involved and I did what any normal person did and asked the previous coach. I sent her an email and asked if I could meet with her and set up a date to chat with her over the summer. After I spoke with her I remember thinking, âOkay, I can do this! Doesnât seem too hard.â
The previous coach turned out to hate the cross country team and I found out the feeling was mutual. She only told me the barebones of what needed to be done. For example, she told me how to run the summer camp but neglected to tell me I should have sent the flyer for the camp out in April (it was June when we talked) so no one signed up since they made plans. She told me I would need to do fundraisers but didnât tell me I needed to do them ASAP to make money for the meets. But wait, it gets better. After we had our first talk, she started to ignore me. I would say hi and she kept walking. One time when I needed to get into the office she looked right at me and then away. Another time I saw her and said, âHey, can I asked you aâŠâ and I didnât finish because she continued to keep walking without acknowledging me.
Later, I meet with my supervisor and mention this to them and they are also unsure of what is happening and thought the bad blood between the team and their old coach was still raw. I could understand and I decided to make the best of it that I could and worked together with my co-coach to train the boys and girls. I drafted up a coaching contract, picked meets for us to go to, and even made a training regimen. My co-coach and I started off great and I liked talking to her. However, it didnât last long. Her friendly attitude faded away and before I know it, Iâm getting yelled at in front of my athletes, having everything I do question, and lectured at meets. She fights against a big meet the kids want to go to, refuses to help me pay for it, and a number of other things. But the kids had to go to that meet as it was tradition and I did what I needed to make sure they went.
At this point, I am not enjoying coaching anymore simply because of the working dynamic we have. She makes me feel miserable and I had to stop drinking because of how depressed I was becoming. On the day of the meet, I tell the athletic director I canât do it anymore and resign from coaching. When I left his office, guess who was there?
The prior coach who didnât tell me jack-shit and spent those months ignoring me. As I walked by her, she asked, âSo, is she done?â I donât want to think it was glee I heard in her voice, but it was pretty damn close to it.
And something in me snapped for a number of reasons. One, the fact she so loudly asked that question while I was right there reflecting a lot on what kind of person she was. Next, if she asked, then she knew I was struggling and choose to not do anything to help me. The woman set me up for failure and watched me drown. I became so upset I couldnât even form words and keep walking out of the office rather than round on her. On the bus ride to the meet, I compose my letter of resignation from teaching and spend the majority of the trip crying.
Before we get there, I tell myself I am overreacting, and I just need to think. The weekend will do me some good and I will feel different about it on Monday.
However, I donât get to think at the meet. Itâs go-go-go once I get there and I try to figure where/when the athletes are running and it doesnât take long for co-coach to get on me about anything. If sheâs not yelling at me, she is ignoring me as well. Part of me feels like a beaten dog with its abusive owner. There is no talking to her, only doing what she wants or she snaps at you until she gets her way. She even shoves her phone with an email about not doing any changes in my face at one point after I do a swap varsity/JV swap with two runners. âI just wanted you to know.â I knew what the email said and I stood in line with ten other coaches who did the same thing and even confirmed with the tech guy that it wouldnât disqualify my teamâwhich he promised it wouldnât and didnât. The final kicker for me is when we got back from the meet and after all her girls were picked up, she got in her car and drove offâleaving me alone in a dark parking lot with one kid from the boy's team waiting for his parents. No âWill you be okay on your own?â or âEven a good-bye.â Just gone.
And standing there in the parking lot I realized I really was done. I was done with teaching. Done with dealing with difficult and petty people. Done with it all.
As I stated before, Iâve worked in high pressure and tense situations in the military. Iâve done my job under fire and pushed onâbecause I knew I had a team at my back. I was supported and supported my group in turn when they needed. #oneteam out here is a joke. If anything, we are attacking each other more and hurting each other in small ways. And I donât any more part of it.
My administration doesnât want me to go. They tell me Iâm good at what I do and the kids love me. All the love in the world isnât going to change the toxic environment teachers are making for each other. Iâd rather be flipping burgers than deal with the pit of snakes teaching in our classrooms right now.
I donât know what I am going to do at this point. Iâve applied to jobs, but I am going to wait until after my last day to do interviews even though all my friends are telling me to use my sick days before the district takes them from me. But I know I will get another job and I will never set foot in a classroom ever again.
