#spenglerisims

[spenglercore]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/81980031

Added on to this bit and yote it up on AO3 because why not, I gotta introduce my OCs to the world someday 😂

[spenglercore]

Omg I wanna hear about Egon teaching Trevor to drift the Ecto lmao

So. At the beginning of Afterlife, Egon drifts his truck around a corner. And drifting isn't something your average person can just do without practice, and I have a headcanon for that which I'll answer another time.

Callie knows her dad drives very defensively, never speeds and generally comes off as overly-cautious. So whenever it's time for Trevor to get his permit? Well, Egon is patient, methodical, level-headed and very, very by-the-book when it comes to most things, driving being one of them. And he's more than happy to teach his grandson how to drive.

His natural choice is the Ecto-1. It's durable, stable, and has enough mass that it's not going to leap forward if you push the gas a little too hard, and it's got good shocks for a steady ride. Trevor thinks it's lame he's gotta learn how to drive with his overly cautious cringefail grandpa.

But here's the thing. Learning how to operate a car is one thing. So is reading about safety and emergency procedures. But actually learning how to control a car in a slide or a spin is a totally different thing, and Egon is well aware of this. So on top of general driving, he also teaches Trevor 1: what it feels like when a vehicle starts to move weird and 2: how to respond to specific loss-of-control situation. This also involves knowing the vehicle you're driving, what it can and cannot do, how much space it occupies and how to visually tell how much clearance you have between the vehicle and an obstacle.

And a drift is a pretty good way to learn the feel of a vehicle and how to get comfortable with counterintuitive actions, like steering in the 'wrong direction' when you come into the turn. And it as the added benefit of being fun, and once Trevor figures out that these are not going to be slow, boring driving lessons, he is suddenly stoked to be learning to drive from his grandpa.

And right about then in when Callie shows up to find her dad in the passenger seat and her son doing donuts and just sort of stands there watching until they notice her. Trevor is excited. Egon thinks he's probably going to get yelled at, and he is correct.

Callie is pissed he never taught her to do that.

[spenglercore]

Headcanons and AUs

Here is a list of ideas people can ask me about, nsfw stuff under the cut! I'll add links for each one I address over time.

General Egon headcanons:

He was a complete and utter chaos gremlin as a kid

He fell off the roof once when he was ten

That one time he actually bit a guy in college

He learned to drift on a bet

The MIT campus legend about a student that lived in a maintenance closet is not a legend

Ray has video of him post-wisdom teeth extraction, and it's hilarious

Man can COOK

Canon-divergent; these are based on the fic I'm currently writing, after which he stays to raise Callie instead of leaving for Oklahoma:

Callie was practically glued to him as a baby, although Grandpa* is an acceptable substitute

His car is a two-ton dad joke

He definitely terrorizes his daughter once in awhile

And his grandkids

How he ended up with a Twitch channel

He is also on TikTok

How he handles Trevor and Phoebe's dad leaving

Callie asks him to teach Trevor to drive, did not expect him to teach Trevor to drift the Ecto

Rocket Car Isotope:

His mother, Ilse Spengler, is German and his father, Piotr Kowalski, is Polish and both are ethnically Jewish. Both are different flavors of Nerd

How they met and became friends and later fell for each other

Ilse's dad Johann trolls Piotr twice in a row

Piotr asked Ilse out completely by accident

How they got to the US and how things went once they settled down

Piotr cannot hold his liquor to save his life.

Piotr learned his son was a very grabby baby The Hard Way

How Piotr got the nickname Four-Stroke

That time Ilse blew up the patio

The Big Damn Hero incident that almost got Piotr murdered by his wife

The time Piotr tackled Egon to the floor so he couldn't rat to Ilse that Dad's up and about on his bad leg despite being told to Not Fucking Do That

That other time Ilse had to get the hose out on her two idiots who were trying to out-stubborn each other

That other time Egon got gibslapped for telling his mom what happened the ONE time Piotr figured the odds were in his favor to drag race some chud at a stoplight

*Piotr learns his granddaughter inherited her father's grabbyness The Hard Way

The Alkali Metals Isotope:

Egon has five younger siblings and they're all various flavors of highly intelligent, devious little gremlins

Johanncould be his twin, goes by Joe which comes back to bite him later in life

Wilhelmina, goes by Wil or Willie, is one of three of them that is almost always at the root of any major household chaos

Iosif is a copy-paste of his mother and also gets dragged into the nickname shenanigans with his older brother Johann

Marie is a copy-paste of her dad. Shit-starter and one of three of them that is almost always at the root of any major household chaos

Pierre is the last one who is almost always at the root of any major household chaos, but always manages to escape getting in trouble for it because everyone else is old enough to know better and he capitalizes on that.

NSFW headcanons below the cut; cw for both the sexy kind and the Substance Use kind

Egon did drugs For Science in college; he learned many things about himself and there were two or three Incidents(tm)

Still makes the best weed brownies though

How he discovered his kinks and what parts of his psyche and personality they tap into

Specifc to the Carbon Dating college AU:

Why everyone thinks that weird maintenance closet on the fourth floor of Bemis house at MIT was the scene of a murder

The alternate version of the wisdom teeth video

Specific to the Rocket Car isotope:

That time Piotr pulled a job to restore an antique steam-powered sex toy and it nearly broke him

[spenglercore]

Tell us about the Big Damn Heroes incident where Ilse almost murdered Piotr

So, to start with: Piotr is the kind of guy who would rather suffer himself than let other suffer if he can help them. The man has a heart of gold and it's gotten his ass kicked more than once in his life. He's got a strong sense of justice and loyalty and would give you the shirt off his back or take on someone he knows is going to beat the shit out of him if means you'd be spared the harm.

At some point in his late twenties he joins the army as a tank mechanic and serves in both Korea before being medically discharged. In Korea, he gets set to a forward repair base when their foreman is KIA. He's slated to take the guy's place and less than like a week into his time there, they end up having to go on tank recovery in hostile territory.

Now, retrieving an M48 Patton tank is almost always going to be An Affair in and of itself, depending on just how badly damaged it is. And if it was damaged enough that it couldn't be driven back to base, that means you've gotta send people out to get it, which requires a tank recovery vehicle (usually just another wholeass tank modified for towing) and also possibly do any repairs that it might need to even make it towable, and do so in the field.

This is what Piotr and his guys are doing when they discover it was a trap and they walked right into it.

So bullets are flying and people are diving for cover, of which there isn't much. Piotr is the guy in charge as far as the mechanics go, and he knows that the longer they sit there, the more losses they'll incur. Yeah, they've got a guy on the radio yelling for backup, but between that moment and when backup actually arrives, IF it arrives at all, is an unknown quantity and a lot can happen in that time frame. Their best bet is to get to the armored recovery vehicle and beat a hasty retreat while hoping the opfor doesn't have any anti-tank weapons.

He gives his dog tags to another guy, says the classic 'tell my wife and kid i love them' line, and then runs off. Miraculously, he's not instantly hit. Instead, when he gets to where the two vehicles are hooked together, he runs into an enemy soldier. Once again, he miraculously escapes injury or death by bayonet and instead brains the guy on reflex with the mini sledgehammer he had in his hand. Being close enough to see the effects of a hammer on a human head and watching the guy die is not something he was ever prepared for, and it's here that he locks up and gets hit. He takes shrapnel and a bullet, and in all the chaos he also bashes his head on one of the vehicles and ends up with a cracked skull and a brain injury.

So this motherfucker decides that, being the lead mechanic, it's his job to get the recovery vehicle unhooked from the tank they were gonna recover and pile as many guys into it as possible while providing moving cover for anyone else so they can get out of the middle of things and into a more defensible position. Of course, this is a dumb idea, but Piotr can be dumb as a box of rocks at times. He's a machinist, engineer and mechanic, not a tactician.

Backup does arrive, and being concussed and panicky because holy shit he's been hit, Piotr gets uncharacteristically combative and gets his ass sedated before he's flown out to a MASH unit where he's patched up. But when he starts to come out of sedation, he's still combative due to having a traumatic brain injury and keeps saying his last name isn't Spengler, it's Kowalski, so not only can they not immediately verify his identity, he gets put in a medical coma for a while and is expected to recover but have chronic problems at absolute best.

While he's out, a clerical error occurs where he's mistakenly listed as KIA, and the corresponding letter is sent out to his wife, who is understandably distraught. Luckily, the day after she gets the letter, Piotr is brought out of the coma and it turns out he's just one of those lucky sons of bitches who recovers completely from the brain injury and nobody really knows why or how. And once he's been awake for a day or so, he finds out that he was mistakenly listed as dead and goes 'Oh fuck I need to call my WIFE.' Which he does, and when he explains that this whole mess is because he was trying to be a hero, he gets chewed out in German loud enough for everyone in the vicinity to hear.

Not long after that, he finds himself on his way home on a medical discharge because the cartilage of his left knee got pretty fucked up and he's no longer fit to serve. But rather than a warm welcome, Piotr is greeted with a halfhearted slap across the face and another tirade of German as Ilse goes off about what an ass he is, how he scared the shit out of her, about what a dipshit move that was taking off his dog tags and trying to be a hero, etc etc. The ride home is quiet and tense, as is getting settled in for the evening.

Once everything is put away and they're behind closed doors though, he pulls Ilse in for a hug and apologizes for putting her through so much. er emotions finally come out and she just sort of collapses into the hug and cries. Seeing her crying over the whole thing has more of an impact on Piotr than her being pissed enough to slap him; he goes to sometimes comical lengths to avoid causing her distress or otherwise upsetting her or making her feel bad, even on accident, and knowing that he did it anyway really eats at him for awhile.

Over the decades though, the time Ilse almost murdered her husband for being a shit idiot becomes something of a running joke.

Along with the time he got goaded into going streaking on a motorcycle.

[spenglercore]

Welp it's been decided without my permission that Egon's dad has a herd of sentient vehicles bc Gremlins (in the classic sense from wwii, not the movies) Like him enough to work with and not against him. Except when they get overprotective and the family sedan tries to run someome down for being rude to their favorite mechanic, cue Piotr havibng a very terse conversation with his Hudson Hornet and explaining that seeing someone get mauled by a car tends to freak out the rest of the humans in the vicinity.

[spenglercore]

Out of all the Harold’s, who’s the most romantic (my bet is probably either Don or Ziskey)

I think it's a tie between Don and Egon. Let me explain.

Don - Much more traditionally romantic. Nice dinners, candles, roses, if it's stereotypically romantic, he'd do it. I think he'd also know how to properly court someone.

Egon - Romantic in a way that exclusive to Victoria. He's not much for tradition and neither is Vic, so while there might be one or two times when he does something stereotypically romantic like taking his wife ona date, most of what he does is uniquely tailored to what Victoria likes. He'd do shit like take her to Cern for like their 20th anniversary, or instead of flowers he'd get her a mushroom farm.