I've been seeing a therapist lately for depression/anxiety and a lot it stems from my asexuality. She asked me what I want out of therapy and there’s a part of me that wants to not be ace anymore. Not because I think there’s anything wrong with being ace, like the logical part of my brain tells me there’s nothing wrong with me, or anyone else whose ace, but in my heart I can’t get past the idea that there’s so much in life I have missed out on and that I will miss out on because I’m ace. (1/2)
So many people put such pressure on sex and I don’t know if I would be comfortable with having sex with someone because I’ve never felt comfortable enough with someone to explore that aspect. I’m asking because I was wondering if anyone else might have felt like this, or maybe has suggestions as to how to deal with it because I don’t actually want to hate myself for being ace. (2/2)
This is a struggle that many aces deal with, and it’s very hard to completely overcome it. Internalized hatred is complicated, and heavily enforced by our world.
For some people, it’s not a question of getting rid of their internalized acephobia indefinitely, because that’s not a feasible goal. Instead, you learn to accept your doubt for the white noise it is; ever present, but meaningless. We all have our own methods of growing and journeying our asexual experiences.
