Can't sleep so of course I started thinking about Spite
I was mulling over the spanish translation of his name and although there are a LOT of things that get lost in the translation, jokes and puns that can't be passed from one language to the other while preserving their original meaning, I'm talking about the name of the demon in specific.
His name is translated as Rencor (Rancor / Grudge / Resentment); when I first met him, I liked this name a lot more than "Spite" because I am an extremely resentful person, and felt that the translation had much more strength and hatred in it, so I thought it would be a much better fit for a "demon". Then I actually got to know more about the demon and Lucanis in the game, and Spite couldn't have any better name than Spite.
Spirit of Determination? I'm so sorry that's his deadname and we won't be using it in this home thank u
Rencor is a big and special word for me. I keep it close to my heart all the time. In my long understanding living with this feeling (resentment), it deeply hurts because whatever caused it mattered to you, one way or another. I hold resentment towards so many things in my life, to memories that, when replayed in my head, makes my blood boil. My throat goes dry and my chest sinks, my head hurts. It's painful, bitter, but more than anything, it is this mix of anger and a little sadness for something that happened, that I did to myself or that I allowed to be done to me.
Resentment can be “overcome” with forgiveness, but that’s where Spite comes in.
You see, Spite happens when you decide NOT to forgive, nor forget the harm they did to you, the pain you went through, your suffering. Why would you forgive? People often tell me over and over again to forgive, that it will make me feel better. But why? Why should I be the "bigger" person?
Why am I the one who is wrong for feeling resentful, and not them for hurting me?
I decide not to forgive, and to live in spite of it. Living despite the harm they did to me. It is such a wonderful word, which translates most directly in spanish as Despecho. And THAT is another big, special word, that fills your mouth when you pronounce it, as much as Rencor, but with the same different meanings.
When people gossip about someone "lo hizo por despecho" (they did it out of spite), we immediately think -okay, someone hurt them and whatever they did was their vengeance-, as a first point. It is a feeling of revenge, of hatred, of pain but above all, rage and anger. Doing something por Despecho or being despechado are words saved for situations where Rencor falls too short. Despecho - Spite is the desire to do harm, while one can drown in the bitter pain of Rencor - Resentment and do nothing.
And I just find the such beautiful nature of the word Spite lost in translation, because he (the demon) is not Rencor.
Rencor is Lucanis. He, in fact, drowns in resentment, and I love him for it. It makes me wish the game was well written and explored in deep the narrative of all the abuse he suffered from his grandmother, and the complex feelings of being betrayed by his brother. I mean, it's all complex feelings with Lucanis, but let's imagine for a moment that the game isn't written like shit. Let's imagine that we can get to understand him as a character through this immense pain of loving two people who have done him so much harm, and they are all he has in this world. All he's ever had, in Lucanis' own words. Resenting the people you love hurts so much that it closes up your throat and prevents you from breathing. He can't help it, because he is unable to kill Illario after all the betrayals; he loves him and cannot be forced to do real harm to him, the same type of harm Illario has already done to Lucanis without any problem (apparently).
It's SPITE who actually pushes him to, lmao, live??? And I love that and this is my specific problem with the translation in particular. Is not resentment, is the wanting-to-hurt-something demon, who tries hard to talk to Rook to seek help for Lucanis, who drives him to continue inciting plans for revenge, and wishes for them to be free and live in spite of everything that was done to them. Every torture, every pain, every betrayal. The spirit (now demon) does not kill Lucanis out of SPITE, because he refuses to do what his torturers want.
Rencor es un dolor, un sentimiento amargo en la boca que se queda ahí. ¿Pero Despecho? Es tomar todo lo que te hicieron y decir que se jodan, joderlos, joder a todo el mundo, que sepan que sufriste y aún así sigues viviendo, lleno de rabia y adolorido, pero vivo, respirando, lidiando con ello.
That last part is also what I love about the name "Spite". You have to live to be able to experience spite, you have to suffer the consequences of what they did to you, breathe with that pain, and somehow keep walking, keep smiling, keep suffering, keep going... Just keep swimming, just keep going. No matter what. That is Spite.