Funny 86: Making ordinary phrases 100% funnier with qualifying words
1. Once me and a friend were walking past a wedding dress shop and she stopped in the window and looked at this long white chiffon backless dress and she said, "Oh my god, that's the kind of dress I want for my first wedding."
Hahahahahahaha. 100% funnier than saying, "Oh my god, that's the kind of dress I want for my wedding," because it implies that if she gets married, it will be with the casual expectation that it's one of at least two marriages she's going to have.
2. I once heard a woman introduce a guy at a party as, "My current husband."
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. See 1.
3. I once asked a friend what they did that morning, and they were like, "You know, had a shower, ate some cornflakes, had my after breakfast wank."
Hahahahahahahahahahahahaaha. 100% funnier than, "You know, had a shower, ate some cornflakes, had a wank," because it implies that this is something they do after every breakfast, which is hilarious, because wow, who has scheduled masturbation?
4. In Broad City, Hurricane Wanda, by way of explaining to Ilana that she needs to defecate, Abbi tells her, "I spite-ate all of that potato salad."
Hahahaha. 100% funnier than, "I ate all of that potato salad," because
a). we all saw how pissed off she was when one of her guests wanted the potato salad, but we didn't see her eat it, so it's funny to have the update
b). it makes out like 'spite-eating' is already a thing, like, that's what you do when you have a guest that has their eye on your favourite salad, you eat more of it than you originally wanted due to spite, and everyone knows that.