Nothing more, nothing less
I understood now what they meant when they said, "He has so much tension in those eyes. Be careful, you don't know what you're getting yourself into." I never listened. I laughed it off with "you don't know him." But neither did I. I didn't know him like the way someone should be known.
He told me his dreams and I told him mine and from then on, I found myself thinking of him a little more than usual. I wanted to know more. I wanted to see him angry and watch him explode about things that mattered: I wanted to hear his passions, what keeps him up at night, what makes him laugh till he could no longer breathe, the thoughts that run through his head, why he is the way he is; I wanted to hear his favorite songs and understand the parts of him that he didn't want to share with anyone. Maybe he'll sing or dance along while the story is being told-- something that now I would never know. I wanted to hear the stories from his childhood, and his favorite food as a kid. I wanted to know the embarrassing moments he couldn't tell and the sadness he hides deep within. I wanted to know his past, and I wanted to be apart of the future. I wanted to know everything. At some point, I realized I didn't want to be lovers, I wanted a friendship. I wanted a friendship to someone who saw things the way I did. I wanted to have someone to talk to when things got rough. I wanted to laugh, and make you step in poop when you weren't paying attention. I always said mean things but you always understood because you knew I was joking. You were one of the rare ones that laughed along; You were one of the rare ones that I knew our personalities mended well from the moment I saw you. In your eyes, I saw more of what you presented to be; but that's what gets me in trouble. You're just a person like everyone else. You feel and bleed the same, but I turned you into something else-- something special that I haven't seen before. You had qualities that many lacked of and cared about things that others were embarrassed of. From that day on, somehow I believed that maybe you were meant to be in my life for a reason; I never cared in what way, but I knew I wanted you around: as a guy best friend, or just a friend, I wanted you there. You're now a stranger that I couldn't get to know. I'm sorry that these days we won't be getting passed hello. You're just a person, I should've known. --- Topaz P. June 13th, 2017, 10:40 pm.
